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notsure2019
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Trig May 20, 2019 at 06:45 PM
  #1
Hi there. Not sure where to start. Any input is greatly appreciated. Im losing my partner. He comes from a rough back ground, and struggles with mental health issues. He is unable to fall asleep until 4/5 am, and has extremely flat moods. Was not this way when we met. Because of whatever he struggles with, he has no desire to do anything. He cant hold a job or make important phone calls or really even leave the house. We had to separate over it but I am still in his life. He has no car no job and his father just passed away. They werent close, he hadnt seen him in 9 years but I know it was hard. These things seem to point to situational depression, BUT he was in this state BEFORE these things occurred. To be completely honest Im worried if things progressively get worse he may take his own life. Someone please tell me what to do. I want to get him into a therapist but hes 2 hours away and has no reliable transport. What should we do?????????????????????????????????

Last edited by bluekoi; May 20, 2019 at 07:21 PM.. Reason: Add triggger icon.
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Victoria'smom
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Default May 20, 2019 at 09:31 PM
  #2
If he gets medicaid they will give him rides to his appointments.

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Default May 22, 2019 at 05:47 PM
  #3
Hello notsure2019. I am sorry you are struggling with this. It sounds very stressful and sad.

Do you want your friend to see a therapist or does he want to see a therapist? That's an important distinction. There are lots of ways to find support if a person truly wants to change their life and feel better. Suicide prevention call lines, depression call lines, many therapists offer therapy over the phone or via Skype for those unable to come to an office or too far away.

As much as you love a person, you cannot take on the responsibility for another adult's mental health (or even their physical health). If he wants help, he will seek it. It does not sound like he wants that so you need to let him make his own choices.

Have you considered talking to a therapist for yourself? For support and coping strategies with how this situation is impacting you? I think that could be really helpful.

You may also want to read about enmeshment and think about ways to clarify your role in his life. You said you were his partner but also needed to leave so are you now his friend or still a partner....that sounds confusing for both of you.

Some people become severely depressed and do not want help; they would rather die. Some people do end their lives. That is their choice; it is not the fault of those who love them. Love from another person isn't enough to keep someone alive; he or she has to choose life for his or her own self. I am telling you this as someone who has lived with depression her whole life. I had to seek help for myself. I had to choose life even in the depths of despair. People helped me when I was open to it but first I had to want to live and actively choose (and continue to choose) life over death.

I hope you can find some support for yourself. I wish you peace and hope. I'd encourage you to step back a while and talk this over with a therapist. Best wishes to you.
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Default May 22, 2019 at 10:59 PM
  #4
Notsure2019,

I think this physician's ideas and experience could be useful to you and/or your partner. He refers to specific patterns causing physical illness and well as mental illness. I hope it helps you in some way.

The Need For Authenticity - Dr. Gabor Mate
YouTube

Take good care of yourself
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sarahsweets
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Default May 23, 2019 at 03:27 AM
  #5
Its so tough to see our loved ones suffer. I know you want him to get help but you cant make him or do it for him. He needs to be willing to take part in his own recovery. Does he have medicaid? Does he have other insurance?

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