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thesearethevistas
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Default May 25, 2019 at 12:04 PM
  #1
I want to start by giving a virtual hug to the family members and carers out here. I'm sure that there are days where we all feel defeated and hopeless... that's where I am right now.



Here we go...

5 years ago, my brother started developing psychosis-related symptoms. At the time, neither my parents nor I knew what was going on. He had been a heavy marijuana smoker for the preceding 3-4 years. This was certainly a trigger for his illness, but I later learned that he some of his symptoms, e.g. intense feelings of paranoia started much earlier, when he was a teen.

For the first 2 years, his illness was horrendously mismanaged by his first Psychiatrist in just about every aspect (a story for another day). To make things worse, he became socially isolated and withdrew completely.

The final straw came after a near-violent outburst which saw the police and ambulance get involved. He was admitted to a Pscyhiatric facility for 3 days we managed to change his Psychiatrist.

Things got better better over the next two years:
  • No more conspiracy rants
  • No more angry outbursts
  • He reconnected with an old friend from Primary School

However, the downside was:
  • The medication made it very difficult for him to work or concentrate
  • He became extremely guarded
  • Although he now had some social interaction, it was limited to playing video games or watching movies

At the end of last year he decided to stop taking his medication. Low-and-behold, his psychosis has returned.

I'm posting this here because I need to get this off my chest. I'm also sure that so many of you are in similar situations.

I live overseas and don't know what I can do to help. I feel useless. My brother lives at home with my parents and another brother. I want to repair our relationship. Although we were never best friends, his illness has robbed us of even feeling like brothers any more. He refuses to go back on medication or get help of ANY kind now.

What steps can I take? I want to reconnect with him, but every conversation is like pulling-teeth. My parents are worn out. Please, anyone who has been in a similar situation. I'd love to hear your story and what steps you took.

Thanks again for hearing me out.
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tecomsin
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Default May 25, 2019 at 01:46 PM
  #2
Why do you want to reconnect with him? Maybe your reasons are related to why every conversation is like pulling teeth. If your parents are exhausted by your brother then they need to have that conversation with him and put some limits down.

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Default May 25, 2019 at 07:07 PM
  #3
Hello thesearethevistas

so sorry you and your brother are struggling I too have a mentally ill brother who rejects help.

His pattern of taking the meds and then stopping is very common. Although the meds can help some folks, many don't feel like themselves on them or struggle with side effects so they stop. Then the old problems return. It's a very tough and heart-wrenching cycle.

You cannot make your brother better. Neither can your parents. I don't know how old he is (a minor or adult?) but we cannot take responsibility for another adult's mental health. If he wants help in the future, he will seek it. You need to honor his boundaries.

What you could do is send him a message....something like:
"I love you. I know you deserve to be happy and well. And I respect that you are the one who chooses what wellness means for you. If you ever want to talk, I am here. I continue to think of you and wish you peace and hope."

You never know....one day he might reach out. Just don't try to push it....that would likely just alienate him further. I would recommend a therapist for your parents....not for your brother since he doesn't want that....but for your parents to receive support and coping strategies.

Wishing peace to you, your brother, and your family
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Default May 25, 2019 at 07:35 PM
  #4
Talk to him as if he is normal and healthy.
Everyone else focuses on his problems.
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Default May 26, 2019 at 10:25 AM
  #5
Thanks for responding wonderluster. There are a few reasons, so here goes - We never got the chance to develop a strong relationship. Just as we started to get along, this is when his symptoms started and robbed us of the chance to become closer. Honestly, there's also a feeling of guilt. I could have intervened with his heavy marijuana use much earlier on.
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