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Terabithia
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Default Jul 17, 2019 at 11:18 AM
  #1
Hi,
My mom is seeing a psychiatrist for memory problems, but for now her narcissism is much more of an issue than her memory. She has been telling me, my brother, and my sister, and I hope no one else that this doctor prescribed an opioid. My mother is not paranoid, and she knows she is lying. There are ways we will respond sometimes in which the expression on her face is like, “uh oh, I’ve been caught.” She doesn’t like doctors knowing more than she does, and this doctor has an excellent reputation and is smarter than her.

So, my question is should I tell the doctor about this, and if so, what would be the intention and what might be the consequence?
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Smile Jul 17, 2019 at 02:47 PM
  #2
Well... honestly... I don't really know the answer to this. But as an older person myself, & since you have yet to receive other replies to your post, I thought I could at least take a crack at it. (You didn't mention how old your mother is. Chances are she's probably not as old as I am. However I don't know as that really makes a difference in the whole scheme of things.)

Of course I don't know how psychiatric services are provided where you live. Perhaps they're different. But in thinking about how something such as this might be accomplished here where I live, what occurs to me is that the only way something like what you're proposing could be accomplished would be for you to attend one of your mother's appointments with her psychiatrist. This would, of course, require her consent which may be something she'd be unlikely to give. Plus, even if she did consent, offering up the kind of information you're thinking of providing in her presence could I would think be beyond awkward.

Technically I don't believe your mother's psychiatrist should speak to you without her consent. (At least that's the way it works here where I live.) Plus I, at least, have never encountered a situation where a psychiatrist would take time to talk or in some other way correspond with a patient's family members. I myself don't see a pdoc any longer. But when I did even as the patient I would never have been able to speak with my psychiatrist over the phone. The best I would have been able to do was to talk with a nurse or other staff person. And under those circumstances, who knows what information might end up actually finding it's way to the psychiatrist him or herself... assuming it did actually get that far at all. So, at least from my perspective thinking about this in terms of how things work where I live, it seems like the mere logistics of something such as you're considering would be difficult.

Beyond that, there is the question of whether or not it would be appropriate for you to be intervening in your mother's mental health care. And my personal prejudice, as an older person myself, would be that I would not want nor would I appreciate having another family member injecting themselves into my healthcare be it mental or medical. But that's just my personal feeling on the subject. (I tend to be a pretty ornery old goat.) If something such as you're considering were to be done by a relative of mine I would be beyond livid. So I think, while your intentions my well be good, you need to consider what the long-term effects of such an action may be. At least these are my thoughts with regard to your post.

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Terabithia
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Default Jul 17, 2019 at 04:37 PM
  #3
Thank you Skeezyks for responding. I went with my mom to her first meeting with this psychiatrist. As someone who treats patients with dementia, he likes to have family present. My mom, though, who is 81, still knows her whereabouts. I think it’s important to know the truth of what takes place in the sessions, because she fabricates. Since I went with her the first time, I was able to know when she was lying about what the doctor told her. She would rather us not go to her next meeting to discuss the opioids, because she knows she has lied. (My sister or I would simply say, “my mother has told us that you prescribed for her an opioid).It seems like the doctor should know, because isn’t transparency important in treatment? She never said, please don’t go with me. She just said, “you don’t need to come.” As a narcissist, when confronted with the truth about the opioids she will find a way out of it, somehow. I am not worried that she will be angry.

Do you think transparency is a good reason to tell the doctor?
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Terabithia
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Default Jul 17, 2019 at 06:17 PM
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......she tells me about him prescribing the opioid and her calling him about it and his dumbfounded reaction just about every time I talk to her, so I’ve heard this now about 25 times. She will talk to strangers in the grocery store for long periods of time - people feel comfortable telling her their problems - and I wonder if she tells them this, as well. A doctor can lose his license and reputation over this. Shouldn’t he know? He may then decide not to treat her, but I feel like he has the right to know this. I’m really not sure what good it’s doing her going there, if she doesn’t think the doctor knows what he’s doing and if she can’t be truthful to him and she’s going to question any medication prescribed.
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Default Aug 05, 2019 at 08:32 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Terabithia View Post
......she tells me about him prescribing the opioid and her calling him about it and his dumbfounded reaction just about every time I talk to her, so I’ve heard this now about 25 times. She will talk to strangers in the grocery store for long periods of time - people feel comfortable telling her their problems - and I wonder if she tells them this, as well. A doctor can lose his license and reputation over this. Shouldn’t he know? He may then decide not to treat her, but I feel like he has the right to know this. I’m really not sure what good it’s doing her going there, if she doesn’t think the doctor knows what he’s doing and if she can’t be truthful to him and she’s going to question any medication prescribed.
Hi, just read your topic.

Its tricky what you talking about.

Its so hard to understand people that like to lie and this things.

They just doesnt follow logic.

Have you told her that you know the Dr didnt prescribe opioids ?

What she says ?

But another question too, is, is that important ?

I mean, its bad that she likes to lie, but, she saying the Dr prescribed her opioids is bad ? Makes any difference ?

My mother (which is a whole different story, she had a stroke, and have psychologic changes) likes to argue with people about lot of things, sometimes she isnt right, but, is her hobby, its bad, but... anyways.

Dont know about the Dr loosing prestige and that part that you said, little comments of your mother demolishing the career of a Dr, its like too big, maybe im wrong, im just imagining.

Anyway, good luck, how things now ?
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Default Aug 05, 2019 at 02:12 PM
  #6
Three of my family members had Alzheimer’s and there are many types of dementia and there are other diseases (like cerebro vascular disease) that can cause memory problems. She needs a complete assessment by a really good internist or family practice doctor and a really strong NEUROLOGIST .I have never heard of going to a psychiatrist for memory problems unless they have a really complex psychiatric problem like psychological trauma. My current psychiatrist happens to be a neurologist as well, but this is unusual.
I dont think we have all the facts on this situation such as what are her symptoms and what are the psychiatrist’s qualifications/background.
Without addition information I am very concerned that this doctor is NOT the person who should be treating your mom. I’m a city girl used to going to specialists for everything. I am medical advocate for my husband, who has a lot of serious medical problems, and I have learned the hard way that it is OUR responsibility to find the right doctor. Some doctors will not turn you away if they are not the best person to treat a particular medical problem. They are no longer the all knowing godlike figures they used to be before there were all these specialists.
She does sound like a difficult patient so I feel for you. Sorry if I just dont understand the situation. Maybe the psychiatrist could work WITH a neurologist in order to help her. If your current doctor is a psycho/ neurologist, I apologize.

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