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Default Aug 17, 2019 at 12:38 AM
  #1
In a way I think she can't be anything but self centered, not for the common reasons, but because she lacks in Theory of Mind. People say those people cannot be narcissists, but I think they can.

My friend is very self pitying, she thinks she will win people over by telling everyone how much she cries and how sad she is all the time. And yea, she is sad for sure. It's just that she also uses it.

She has two modes, she really has entitlement, she even said God did wrong when he didn't put her in the right country with the right looks, and that she deserves more than she gets. On the other hand, she focuses on her weak parts and has a super low self esteem. But if I would agree with her (I haven't but I'm sure it would happen), and say "Oh you're right, you're really lousy at things", she would not agree but get mad at me.

Her manipulation skills are really poor, so it is obvious when she lies, but she thinks she is the smartest so she doesn't realize people can see through her. Reminds me of my ex boss that was totally aware that no one thought she was weird despite she was a very overt narcissist that bragged like a child, as an adult! It really stood out as mentally deranged.

But still stands that this friend is probably a covert narcissist. I went looked at an episode with one of my favorite youtuber Spartan Life Coach, and he said several things I also thought about, that all narcissists try to hide things so covert/overt aren't good vocabulary. Also I found other interesting things in his video.

YouTube

It's sort of a mystery that the friend keeps doing her thing even if people obviously sees through her. Or maybe she didn't understand that they did? She feels other people should do things for her and says the reason is why she didn't catch up academically is that other people did things wrong, in reality she seems to have a mild mental "retardation". But it's like she can't have that because then she can't blame others. She told me all other kids had moms and dads that taught them every detail of school and life, and I said no, they learned a lot by themselves, your mom helped you more than most kids have. She wasn't happy.

I'm so not handling this well. Do I think I can save her or what is my problem? I promised her I wouldn't just stop being her friend like all other people did to her. I think I am with her still because I take promises seriously.

If she gets better self esteem for real, like if I help her focus on things where she is good (her parents and herself always had her focus on the subjects where she has the most problems and failure...), would her narcissism slowly get better maybe?

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Default Aug 17, 2019 at 04:54 AM
  #2
Maybe like somebody said on another thread on here, i think it was feralkittymom, just be accepting of her?
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Default Aug 17, 2019 at 05:31 AM
  #3
I am not trying to doubt your claim. There are plenty of people I have dealt with that I believe had narcissistic traits. And covert narcissim is a real thing. But is she diagnosed with this? If not I say decide if you want to be friends with her and that you can handle it and go from there. Labels dont always matter. I caution you though if she is a narcissist she will turn on you.

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Default Aug 17, 2019 at 09:51 PM
  #4
She is not diagnosed with anything almost, she has been to the psych doctor once and got meds for depression and poor sleep. But she took them once and decided that was enough and that she didn't wanted to get "addicted" (Or helped, what do I know?). The GP has her diagnosed with somatization. She doesn't listen to doctors because they upset her, I try to explain they are there to fix her not to pity her. Also if they believe in one cause she doesn't believe in, she feels hurt and she doesn't want to go back. She wants them just to back her up.

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