How to Deal with a Delusional Family Member

One of my family members has had OCD, mild body dysmorphia and various personality issues throughout their life, but a traumatic event has caused them to become very delusional over the past year. I've read all I can about delusional disorder, but my family could use some advice on how best to communicate with our family member.

This person sends badgering emails claiming they're dying, says the CIA and Apple implanted something in their head, begs for money for risky plastic surgery overseas, claims many high-profile companies are involved in doing things to them that could not be possible, threatens and writes horrible things about our family, and posts rambling delusional videos all over the internet (hundreds of them) about conspiracies that all center around them.

They will not listen to any sort of reason, nor anything that differs from their own delusional train of thought. Any attempt at conversation ends up with them screaming and hanging up. The emails and texts they send don't make any sense and the delusional thinking seems to have taken over their life. This person is no longer able to hold a job, but does do freelance driving. They claim there is nothing wrong with them, and will thus not see a doctor or consider taking medication. I asked about it and was told to **** off.

They do not have a problem. Everyone else is the problem. The entire thing has been extremely painful for the family.

My questions are:

- Does delusional disorder get progressively worse? Will this person eventually need care?
- Are threats towards family and use of horrible language generally associated with this disorder?
- This person has filed multiple lawsuits and calls the police often. Is this commonplace as the disorder progresses?
- Should we reply to this person's rambling, angry, accusatory emails? Or just go silent? It seems as though non-judgmental attempts at providing factual information are ignored and just prompt more anger.
- Is it common for someone with delusions to treat their family and loved ones horribly? And to try to manipulate them into paying for
- At some point, should the family step in and try to pay rent or help with basic living expenses? This person has an obsession with plastic surgery and is trying to raise funds for a risky procedure. We feel like any help we could provide would be misdirected.

Any thoughts or guidance would be greatly appreciated. We just don't really know what to do. Thank you in advance.

I'm so sorry to hear about your family member @ReadyPlayerOne

I'm hoping that someone with more knowledge about this disorder you described can offer better tips than I can.

You don't want to feed into the person's delusions, but challenging the person's delusions may not be helpful either. The person may see any challenges as part of the "conspiracy." I'm also sorry that this person has caused undue hardships and online embarrassment (if not libel, false accusations, defamation of character) for your family. That must be hard to witness.

It's hard when a person is over the age of 18 and has to make decisions for himself or herself in this regard. It's hard to get such a person involuntarily placed into a mental health facility that could help. The person does not sound rational, so trying to rationalize with that person may not be feasible. I've heard that you can respond honestly with "I understand this sounds really distressing to you," without attempting to convince the person that their thoughts are irrational, and you can simply say "no" to giving money, even if the person is upset with your answer and boundary.

It's scary when you consider the person leaving the country and actually getting surgeries done. In another country, that person is not going to be protected, so anything could happen to him/her. In this country, if he/she calls police, the police will know that this is a person who isn't thinking properly, and the police may even take action on involuntarily placing her/him on a mental health hold. Thus, I wouldn't worry so much about the police reports that this person is making. They're just reports that will eventually fall back on her/him.

As far as the online stuff, you could sue him/her if defamation of character or libel is an issue for anyone in your family.

Have you tried contacting mental health professionals in your area? Have you tried contacting your local non-emergency police line? In some states/counties, the non-emergency police line is 3-1-1. It might differ by jurisdiction, but you can look up your local police precinct online, I believe. You can also try contacting an attorney - which one, I have no idea.

If you care about your family member, I'd try to stay in contact with that person in order to find ways to help that person get help, even if involuntarily. As a former homeless person, I can tell you that many families have given up on their mentally ill family members, so many wind up on the streets or worse. There were a lot of people who had experiences of trauma coupled with other mental disorders, including schizophrenia. I'm not a professional, so I have no clue what diagnoses your family member has, but only a trained licensed professional can diagnose your family member.

Please keep us posted. Maybe someone else will chime in and offer better advice than I can offer.

(((safe hugs)))

Hello ReadyPlayerOne: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I see this is your first post. So… welcome to Psych Central.

We here on PC are not able to offer professional mental-health-related advice. Plus I'm not a mental health professional. So all I can offer you is my personal non-professional perspective with regard to the situation you describe. You didn't mention, I don't believe, if your family member has actually been diagnosed as having delusional disorder. What you describe in your post made me wonder about the possibility of schizophrenia. But of course, as I've already mentioned, that's just my personal non-professional opinion. So I may well be wrong.

The point though is, I believe, without knowing specifically what your family member's diagnosis is (beyond OCD, mild body dysmorphia and various personality issues) it may be difficult to answer your questions to any degree of certainty. And the only way you'd be able to get a diagnosis would be for your family member to be evaluated by a mental health professional, which it sounds like is unlikely. As such, my personal opinion would be that what you & your family may need to do is to simply take whatever steps are necessary to protect yourselves given the behaviors you are observing at the present time.

I know you mentioned you've read all you can about delusional disorder. So perhaps I can't give you any additional references that will be of help. However here are links to 10 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that I thought might be of help or at least interest:

Delusional Disorder Symptoms

10 Things You Should Know About Delusions | Caregivers, Family & Friends

10 Things You Should Do With Someone Who Suffers Delusions | Caregivers, Family & Friends

8 Ways To Cope With Someone Who Has Delusions | Caregivers, Family & Friends

Coping With Your Loved One's Delusions | Caregivers, Family & Friends

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/careg...dium=popular17

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/careg...dium=popular17

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/careg...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/schizophrenia/

https://psychcentral.com/schizophrenia-guide/

My best wishes to you & your family. I hope you find PC to be of benefit.