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justneedtotalk76
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Default Jan 28, 2020 at 12:01 PM
  #1
I have been with my wife almost 3 years now and married almost 2. I am really exhausted lately and don't know what to do. I feel close to her one day and then one thing can set her off and everything goes bad. She has been diagnosed with bpd, but isn't on meds or anything.

She gets so angry over things and holds on to that anger. Like today we were going to have lunch until something at home made her angry. So she cancelled on me. I know everyone has a bad day, but I don't think she can deal with even small things without making it so much more.

I am a more layed back person. And I think that angers her. She almost makes fun of me for it and tells me I need to be more "woke". I just feel like I get the blame or the brunt of most things. And I feel like I can never do enough. So I have basically shut down and don't have it in me to do things anymore. I mean what's the point if it is never enough, right?
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Default Jan 28, 2020 at 01:19 PM
  #2
I'm really sorry that you are in that situation. I wish I had some good advice but unfortunately I lack that kind of insight. Do you think your wife realizes that her behavior might have some relationship to her untreated BPD? I may be wrong, but I think there are books on how to deal with those afflicted with BPD. Do you think it might be helpful to consult with a psychotherapist privately about how to handle the situation with your wife?
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Default Jan 28, 2020 at 01:32 PM
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Thank you. I haven't tried to do that yet, but that would be a good idea. The last doctor she went to said she is BPD, but before that she was diagnosed with bi-polar and PTSD. So I'm not really sure what all is going on.

She goes so distant when she is upset. She has threated divorce several times or gives me the silent treatment when she is angry. It makes me feel very insecure in our relationship. I also feel like she blames me when things go wrong. I just don't feel like I am good enough most days. We are different people and I will never do things the way she would. Just like she would never do things the way I would. But shouldn't we be able to accept that in each other and work together? I feel like she gets so angry over the smallest thing and she is missing out on living. It's very overwhelming. And If I try to talk about things it only makes them worse or she says I am making everything about me. I just don't know how to act anymore.
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Default Jan 29, 2020 at 02:33 AM
  #4
Hey @justneedtotalk76
Quote:
Originally Posted by justneedtotalk76 View Post
.

She goes so distant when she is upset. She has threated divorce several times or gives me the silent treatment when she is angry. It makes me feel very insecure in our relationship. I also feel like she blames me when things go wrong. I just don't feel like I am good enough most days. We are different people and I will never do things the way she would. Just like she would never do things the way I would. But shouldn't we be able to accept that in each other and work together? I feel like she gets so angry over the smallest thing and she is missing out on living. It's very overwhelming. And If I try to talk about things it only makes them worse or she says I am making everything about me. I just don't know how to act anymore.
I think she is emotionally abusing you whether or not she has a mental illness. I think you should consider therapy for yourself in order to better cope with her. Threatening divorce just because you are angry isnt normal and abnormal angry reactions to minor annoyances isnt ok either.

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Default Jan 29, 2020 at 10:08 AM
  #5
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Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
Hey @justneedtotalk76

I think she is emotionally abusing you whether or not she has a mental illness. I think you should consider therapy for yourself in order to better cope with her. Threatening divorce just because you are angry isnt normal and abnormal angry reactions to minor annoyances isnt ok either.
Thank you. Some things have been said between us that I am having a hard time getting over. Maybe some therapy would help me.
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