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TernRider
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Member Since: Feb 2020
Location: North Carolina
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Default Feb 08, 2020 at 09:11 PM
  #1
My first post. My wife of 33 years suffered childhood trauma from her parents and their abuses continued into her early adulthood. When we met, we supported each other and established a deep friendship that has helped us weather many emotional storms. Before our 10th anniversary, we both went into therapy and she started anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications. It was an ordeal finding the right medications for her. But recently, after all this time, she decided these drugs were no longer working, and I think she was right. She’s tapered off of them over the past 3 months. Now, her anxiety is back in full force and moods swings are extreme. She is unable to go out into the public and she is withdrawing from many of her friends. She has multiple bouts of outrage each day - the news gives her plenty of fuel, but her memories of past abuses are also relentless. I have to be careful with what I talk about for fear of triggering something. I try to listen and sooth, but we are both just feeling lonely and sad about the state of our existence. It’s a zig-zag path at best. We continue with the therapy. Hoping things will improve. Open to any suggestions or encouragement.
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Default Feb 08, 2020 at 10:22 PM
  #2
Hi TernRider. Welcome to Psych Central. I am sorry your wife has shown symptoms and is acting out.

The simple answer what to do is go back on meds. They must have been keeping her somewhat stable after seeing what happened after she came off them.

The problem I have seen with some people, is they do not see their acting out as abnormal and so they feel they have nothing wrong that the world is the one messed up. They sound like they are in a bad place. I feel bad for you and worry that you may experience burn out from coping with them. Please remember that self care comes before caring for others.

If you can get her to go back to the psychiatrist they have to start over with meds or if the meds are no longer effective then other options might be considered.

If your wife will not see a professional, it might be beneficial for you to start seeing one. This can help you cope and stay stable in the face of emotional turmoil and it gives you an objective professional to talk to about what to do with the changing situation with your wife.

In the US, people who are a risk to themselves or others may be put into the psych hospital voluntarily or by legal decree. Hope things never get that bad.

Sometimes people who go off meds have psychotic breaks where they no longer accept the same reality most of us accept. People who sleep together find they may not get as good a sleep and make the difficult situation to sleep apart and take precautions so the person will not interrupt their sleep. These are also things you could talk about with a therapist.

Some doctors of patients who they have had a long term relationship with will accept information from you about your wife's continuing condition. This can be either by letter, email or voicemail or phone from you, even if they cannot respond because of HIPA laws. They can also determine if that person is a threat to themselves or others because they know them better than a doc seeing her for the first time if you end up in the ER some night if things get bad. Even if they do not want to take meds, getting them to keep going back regularly to their mental health provider will make maintenance of the situation easier.

I hope I am not raising your alarm, but I wanted to inform you of my own experiences where a friend going off meds has resulted in loss of rational behavior and hospitalization, so I have seen things go from bad to worse. Hope that things go better and you find ways to self care. Having a safety plan where you know exactly what to do in case things get worse can make for a smoother situation. A professional could help you make this also.

I find yoga, Tai Chi, exercises, mindfulness and spiritual practices (if you use them) can make a big difference in keeping myself stable. If you want links to free youtube programs in some of those, feel free to send me a personal message or reply to this post.

@CANDC

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TernRider
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Member Since: Feb 2020
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 3
3 yr Member
Default Feb 08, 2020 at 10:42 PM
  #3
Thank you CANDC,
I think my wife and I are both worried that a return to some kind of medical treatment is the next step; it was so difficult before and things are so difficult now. But having your words in a swift reply and written plainly provides a common-sense perspective that is helpful. We will discuss tomorrow.
Best,
TR
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