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Shellsh0cked
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Default Nov 02, 2013 at 07:05 PM
  #21
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Originally Posted by Thorn Bird View Post
From everything I have read and comparing her to the way my partner behaves etc. I would say she has a PD I'm not experienced enough to diagnose - although the depressions and thoughts of self-harm seem to suggest BPD I do feel so sorry for you - how involved with her are you? From my understanding BPD's benefit better from therapy than NPD's. If you really love this girl it may be worth seeing if she will consider therapy. It is going to be a hard and rocky road for you and I do wish you all the best

And thank you for this post as well...I just want to say, she does have a lot of the PD symptoms, but the difference is that she doesn't have "delusions". I mean hell...any of those things were possible (not probable..but possible) that she accused me of. Not outlandish like PDs are. Like thinking the government is tapping your phone line or something wild like that.

At this point I could give you specific examples to as to why she fit each of the criteria, but that's ridiculous at this point and not what I am after.... When I originally posted this, I was like ... and really wanted some answers about her behavior....but now I don't really care too much about if she is or if she is not. It's all about healing for me from here on out.

Thanks again! back.
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Default Nov 02, 2013 at 07:16 PM
  #22
I have to give accolades, myself, to those who do own up, to having BPD, and do their best, to work on themselves, struggles and all, and still be able to offer support and advice, to those that do or have partnered with someone, with BPD. Takes a lot, to do that.

It's not that I never loved my xbpdh, it's he wiped away, any last ounce of affection, I'd ever had, for him. I still have children, with him, any communication, is clearly, out of the picture, right now. (court ordered)

Takes a lot, to still love someone, who has treated you, so horrible, and placed you, in dangerous scenarios and embarrassed you, herself, and others.

I've connected, with many Nons, over the past several years. I am glad, your new friend, knows, now, she isn't alone. It can be lonely, to struggle knowing there's a good side, to all the ups and downs.
I've met others, who May not have described their former relationships with bpd terminology, but could have easily turned to some of the other support groups for Nons, out there.

Glad you were able, to come back here, and see you'd had responses to it.

Ever notice, typical non questioning and answering centers on how many out of 9, the bpd in our life, falls, into. My ex was 8/9.
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Default Nov 02, 2013 at 07:59 PM
  #23
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Originally Posted by healingme4me View Post
I have to give accolades, myself, to those who do own up, to having BPD, and do their best, to work on themselves, struggles and all, and still be able to offer support and advice, to those that do or have partnered with someone, with BPD. Takes a lot, to do that.

It's not that I never loved my xbpdh, it's he wiped away, any last ounce of affection, I'd ever had, for him. I still have children, with him, any communication, is clearly, out of the picture, right now. (court ordered)

Takes a lot, to still love someone, who has treated you, so horrible, and placed you, in dangerous scenarios and embarrassed you, herself, and others.

I've connected, with many Nons, over the past several years. I am glad, your new friend, knows, now, she isn't alone. It can be lonely, to struggle knowing there's a good side, to all the ups and downs.
I've met others, who May not have described their former relationships with bpd terminology, but could have easily turned to some of the other support groups for Nons, out there.

Glad you were able, to come back here, and see you'd had responses to it.

Ever notice, typical non questioning and answering centers on how many out of 9, the bpd in our life, falls, into. My ex was 8/9.
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Agreed...anyone that takes the time to address their issues...whatever they are I give kudos to! Hell, I went to therapy for my issues....unfortunately she will probably never seek help. She is too proud and too scared of the diagnosis. It is my belief that she probably manipulated the psychiatrist she went to as to get the drugs and to hide her problems from him due to that fear.

My new friend says she is "over it"...She THINKS she is after 3 months. She will have future struggles from this. I thought I was over it too just a month after she went to jail and I put the restraining order on her. I dated a couple of women...why? I have no idea...maybe to feel like maybe I was desirable? Not this horrible person? Maybe to get reassurance that I still knew who I was? Well, I wasn't okay. Not even close. I had panic attacks on several occasions when I was involved with them...and I ran from every one of them out of fear. Fear of this happening again...It was completely irrational...and I know that now, but the fear was still there. Funny too, because the first date I went out on with was with a woman that has been very good to me since that point and dispelled my fears by just being her. It really feels wonderful. Her ex husband is bipolar, and she had her struggles. She stuck by me throughout those tough times and I love her for it. :-)
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Default Nov 03, 2013 at 10:15 PM
  #24
I ended up with a restraining order against my exh. He never acknowledged that he has this[BPD], even though the paperwork from the hospital visit, he had, just about three years ago, says otherwise.

The reason, for the ro, was rather recent, even after divorce. 3 months, whether it be, BPD or depression or anxiety, is FAR from being 'over it', therapeutically, speaking.

I became, involved recently, myself. I can appreciate what you mean, about someone just 'being themselves', and how that helps alleviate the fears of any relationship, after being involved in an abusive relationship.

Hope you all the healing, in the world, as you move past the woman who abused you, and traverse the journey with someone who sounds more NON material, than an abusive person.
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Default Nov 04, 2013 at 09:15 AM
  #25
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Originally Posted by Shellsh0cked View Post
And thank you for this post as well...I just want to say, she does have a lot of the PD symptoms, but the difference is that she doesn't have "delusions". I mean hell...any of those things were possible (not probable..but possible) that she accused me of. Not outlandish like PDs are. Like thinking the government is tapping your phone line or something wild like that.

At this point I could give you specific examples to as to why she fit each of the criteria, but that's ridiculous at this point and not what I am after.... When I originally posted this, I was like ... and really wanted some answers about her behavior....but now I don't really care too much about if she is or if she is not. It's all about healing for me from here on out.

Thanks again! back.
PD's do not usually have delusions as such - but their is the term delusions of grandeur so associated with 'N's. It is more that this disorder is entwined in their personality from a very young age and as they grow into adulthood so the traits begin to show. They usually function well and most people would never know - obviously this depends on the PD. It may be a good idea to look at some of the traits. I don't know what you plan to do but I wish you lots of love and luck

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Default Nov 04, 2013 at 11:00 AM
  #26
Well H4M, my XGF would never acknowledge there was ANYTHING wrong with her, which is similar to my case....everything was my fault according to her. I didn't love her enough, didn't care enough, I wanted an out...wanted to stare at other women, I criticized the way she dressed...her makeup...even when I complimented her. She said I was emotionally unavailable and it seemed nothing I said was right, or turned around later as being malevolent...If I posted ANYTHING on facebook, it was a message that should be read into...and there would then be a fight. it goes on and on...It was truly a daily struggle. Terrified of the next day and what was to come.

In the case of the BPDs on the board here they have come to realize...and able to accept there is an issue and want to do something about it. In our cases the denial (which is often a hallmark of BPD) of there even being an issue is what makes our cases completely unmanageable. If she had really tried...and accepted it, I might still be with her. I would have worked hard to make it work, but one person (esp the non) cannot make all the effort. And when you're codependent like I have a tendency to be, this is a powder keg waiting to go off...and when it does, it can be bad. Hence restraining orders, and in my case $4000 worth of damage to my vehicle and watching someone you love being wrestled to the ground and go off to jail in a police car. That part really sucked.

Getting away from her was only the beginning of my struggles. Dealing with the trauma to my psyche was the other half. That has taken 16 months. Am I 100% over it? No...probalby never will be because there is always a place in my heart for her, but I am done...and moving on. I know I went way beyond what anyone else would have endured. And I feel good knowing I did all I could...

Thank you for your kind words. I hope for you that you are able to snap back from the trauma caused by him as well. Don't be surprised if it takes some time. Good luck.

Last edited by Shellsh0cked; Nov 04, 2013 at 12:10 PM..
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Default Nov 05, 2013 at 01:11 PM
  #27
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Originally Posted by Thorn Bird View Post
PD's do not usually have delusions as such - but their is the term delusions of grandeur so associated with 'N's. It is more that this disorder is entwined in their personality from a very young age and as they grow into adulthood so the traits begin to show. They usually function well and most people would never know - obviously this depends on the PD. It may be a good idea to look at some of the traits. I don't know what you plan to do but I wish you lots of love and luck
Hey...I am sorry I missed your post. I do remember reading about it as I recall I think in Walking on Egsshells...which is ironic because before I ever knew of BPD I used to tell her I was always "walking on eggshells". The book spoke volumes to me about the behavior traits for sure...and it compared and contrasted Borderline, Paranoid, Narcissitic and others....That's where I got it...I guess "delusion" was a poor choice of words. But the end result was something similar...I don't have my book with me...but wiki says some thing like
  1. preoccupation with unsubstantiated "conspiratorial" explanations of events both immediate to the patient and in the world at large.
And she was primarly suspicious of me, and those close to her...not just people in general...at least until she got to know them. Those that she feared abandonment from. So that fell in with that too. Anyway, it is a moot point now because what is done is done, and I am moving on. I have a really nice girlfriend now that is super sweet to me, not jealous whatsoever and I adore.

IF anyone has any questions for me though and my experiences and if it may help you, please feel free to ask me.
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Default Nov 05, 2013 at 02:01 PM
  #28
Thanks I too wish I had the strength to leave him - I love him despite his behaviour but that takes its toll on me emotionally and physically and I do not know how much longer I can sustain this! Denial as you say is the problem if they are self-aware and seek therapy there is more of a chance but if they refuse to believe there is anything wrong with them and it is basically our fault! then realistically I can see little future. Anyway I wish you lots of love and luck

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Default Feb 24, 2020 at 10:27 AM
  #29
Little update. Well a big one. Just 3 days after I made the last post I started dating a woman that I met in my early 20s. I was very attracted to her back then and found out then she was to me as well, but we were both involved and eventually married other people. We were both divorced at the time of my last post and we decided to date. We moved in together shortly thereafter. We married in 2018. While not perfect, it's far from the abuse I suffered from my ex. She loves me and I love her. Zero jealousy issues with her and that is the way I like it. My ex? She did something I cannot and will not talk about that almost wound her up in prison (didn't involve me). Also another suicide attempt. She finally got some help and knows that she has a problem without a doubt, but the doc diagnosed her as bipolar, not BPD. Easily confused I know, but I'm 1000% convinced to this day that she is BPD. She has pretty much all of the symptoms. I've spoken to her on a couple of occasions and she seems to be doing better now, but I really won't allow her into my life in any way. While I will always love her, she is very toxic to me and I can't really have someone like her in my life really in any capacity because of that toxicity. Those of you that read this that are BPD, don't take that as I'm saying there isn't hope for you. There is always hope, but there's a lot of work involved on your part to overcome.
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Default Mar 01, 2020 at 05:51 AM
  #30
I'm so glad that it turned out for you and that you found someone who makes you so much happier. I just had a...friendship with a guy (we're both in our 20s) who I'm pretty sure suffers from BPD. Reading your first post was very similar to my experience. Wild, uncontrollable mood swings and behavior. Extreme jealousy. Lots of incidents of self harm and threats of suicide. My guy kept pressing for a relationship, but it would have been a sucker's bet for me. He had no money, no education, no job and lived with his parents. He kept demanding more and more of my time and demanded that I take him in and support him completely. When I would have to go to sleep or would work out with male friends I would get dozens of videos, sometimes throughout the night or him screaming obscenities at me, threatening self harm, and damaging his room and property. One video was of him beating one of his guitars on the ground for about half an hour, it being reduced to wood, plastic and strings for much of it with him screaming, "you did this! You did this! Not me!"

I am so glad that you found a better place and blessings to you for your future.
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Default Mar 04, 2020 at 12:10 PM
  #31
Thank you. I am also sorry that you went through that. My advice, is to steer clear of that. You cannot help them. They can only help themselves. Getting sucked into that will make you codependent and miserable. Good luck to you!
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