NPD + passive agressive personality? Am I facing that? (very long post) - Forums at Psych Central

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Old 09-01-2018, 09:47 PM #1
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Attention NPD + passive agressive personality? Am I facing that? (very long post)

I came a across a certain gaming forum in which certain things caught my attention. After reading what the admin there posted over the course of years and reading some stuff that the admin posted years before on another gaming forum, I came accross the term NPD.

The admin of that forum matches over half of all traits or symptoms of everything that I've read about NPD. However, that admin doesn't seem to have all those evil traits. All symptons that I've read does seem to match that person, but not perfectly. Some traits seem very mild, not on a degree that would cause great harm to human relationships. Unless I'm missinterpreting the symptoms, it'd say that I came accross a case of a covert narcissist with tiny bits of comunal. To my surprise, another person there seems to match some of the traits of another type of narcissist, overt one. However, this second person doesn't show off as many traits as the admin himself. Those two keep arguing with each other and blamming the other for everything wrong, while at the same time claiming to be helpful and claiming to be doing good things. Most of the arguments are about who is better and who has the right to humiliate the other in the game.

Many things that I read about passive aggressive behavior also fit for what I saw in that forum. But I'm not sure if passive aggressive behavior is something that is part of narcissism or is a comorbidity of two different things in the same person. Nobody in that forum is aware of what NPD, narcissim or passive aggressive personality is. It was all triggered by that joke about the admin being a psychopath. After that I read a lot about NPD and psychopaths and it all became clear for me.

Some behaviors are similar to a child, but that admin is not underage.

It's a gaming forum and narcissist traits are common among gamers, but there are some things there that were uncommon for a gaming forum:

- Excessive usage of "we". I've never seen an admin that 99% of all things said must be "we" not "I". Ex: "we must agree", "we must advertise", "we should get in touch", "we need more players in this forum", "we are players". It seems that he refuses to take any responsability and this would explain why he uses "we" and not "I". There are even things that he wants to build all by himself without any help from others, but he must ask for opinions, he must seek approval of others. On the other hand, he says "my rules, my forum, my problems, my ideas, my way". It's completely odd.

- Attention seeker. Many threads are derailed because the admin himself derails them to talk about himself or things that he wants to discuss. He create threads to invite friends to chat with him on a social network outside the forum. But on the other hand, he keeps inviting ppl from the social network to register in his forum. WTF?? This doesn't make sense. He even create threads to express his anger "Where is everyone?? God******* F****, the chat is now empty, where did everyone go?".

- Megalomania. Lots of ideas that that admin has are very similar to someone who belives to be a prophet, a god, someone who would change the game itself for the better. Or the admin belives that his forum is the true forum, the only forum to have many qualities that he keeps listing on and on. He belives that his addiction to the game is something unique in the world, nobody else in the world has the same addiction as him. "Even if I work 20 hours a day I do care about this community and game, no excuse in the world is valid to not check my forum at least once a day".

- Spying. The admin can see IPs and accounts logged in the forum and on which thread. That admin has an unusual curiosity to check who is reading what on his forum. Sometimes he even creates a new thread to talk about that. At least one member of the forum called him a psychopath for doing that, to which he responded by laughting.

- Subtle insults. I've never came accross a person that overuses that. It's a gaming forum and ppl commonly enter in heated debates or arguments, but the admin keeps hidding insults in his messages. "ppl don't know how to properly play the game", "ppl think that they are good because they play such trash", "certain guys think that I don't know...", "if you leave my forum to create your own, I can only laugh". He overuses laughs, rolleyes and big grin so much that sometimes I felt like reading things that a psychopath would say.

- Belives himself to be right and everyone else to be wrong. It's impossible to argue with him, it's a losing battle. What he thinks to be fair is right and what he belives to be unfair is wrong. It's very common for threads to be locked because ppl were arguing so much that the admin just wants to have the last word at all costs. "if you don't belive me, I don't care", "you are missunderstanding me", "I can't do anything if you don't want to play it", "it's a waste of time to keep discussing that, nobody agrees on anything I'm locking this", "feel free to leave if you don't like me".

- Abuse friendships. Not really evil per see. But I've never seen this before: "You are a worse player than my friend XXXX, because he has played with me knowingly aware that he would lose to me". Or "you call my forum trash, but I have this and that friend who frequently read my forum, meaning that you are wrong", "I have friends that play this game mode with me and they are living proofs of the greatness of it" (Jesus... those friends of his don't even post in the forums). I have a feeling that only ppl that doesn't win against him are considered worthy friends in his head.

- Doesn't help others. He says that he is helpful, but he is not. Ex: "Help me, I got a virus in my computer". The admin answers "Buy a better computer lol". Somebody says that he can't play online because his internet is s**** and there is no other ISP where he lives. The admin replies "Try to move to a new home". Really???? Some person asks for help to build a game mod. The admin replies "Hey, do you play online? What's your nick?". Somebody proposes to build another forum to be dedicated to a different part of the game. The admin says "fine, I agree, I have no objections". But later on that other forum closes and the admin celebrates "Hurray!! ppl are back to my forums!".

- Keeps blamming everyone else for everything wrong. The forum goes down, it's the host's fault. He loses a game, it's the game's fault or the weapons in the game are unfair. Somebody argues with him, gets really angry and then blames him. Only for the admin to reply "do whatever you want". Somebody openly says "I don't like you, I'm out of this s***". The admin answers like this "it's your choice, I have nothing to do with your decision. I didn't force you to leave." Troublemakers are common in gaming forums, but that admin would repeatedly say "blame him for posting ****, for causing trouble, it's his fault, not mine".

- Half lies or half truths. He opens a server upon player's request, but he did so after ppl repeatedly asked him over and over. Then ppl go on a rage telling that the admin doesn't help others. Only for him to reply "ppl don't thank me for having a server, f*** them. I went through all the trouble to get the server working and ppl don't show respect for me". When ppl argue with him that the gametype that he is addicted to is rare, no other player wants to play that, he posts a screen capture showing how he was playing with 10 other players. But, he doesn't tell that he invited 10 players to his server just to capture a screenshot of 10 players. They weren't there to play with him, or maybe half of them were there chatting, not playing.

- Excessive reliance on polls to decide on everything about the forums, because he belives that listening to everyone makes him a prime minister of sorts. But less than 10% of all ppl vote on his polls. And he has the weird belief that ppl who vote on polls should be accountable for themselves, like this "10 ppl voted to ban that person. It wasn't my decision, it was those ppl's decision to ban". Really?!?!

- Mood swings, but not like Bipolar or Borderline, it's something else. If you care about his game or forum, he belives that you are a close friend of his. But on the other side, if you don't play it or leave his forum, he gets mad and accuses ppl of betraying him and that he thought that you were trustworthy but you are not. In one week he gets mad and explodes "Hell, nobody likes my game, my rules? Fine, leave me alone!". Then in another week "Hey! Who wants to play with me?? I'm online everyday". What?!?! In one thread some person advertised an RPG game and the admin replied that he doesn't like RPGs at all. Then, for some reason, the forum was dead for some time, nobody was posting anything, suddenly the admin advertised an RPG game saying that it was interesting. What?!?!

- I've seen ppl saying "F*** you!!! Go to hell!!". The admin shows no emotions, doesn't reply. Then, one week later the admin invites that same person who sweared at him to play. "forget the past, nobody cares. I'm trying to be friendly but if you don't wanna play, fine". What?!?! The other guy does similar things. He pretends to be friendly, helpful, that he cares about others. But later on he doesn't do anything but care about himself, provoke everyone, insult whoever he feels like insulting and telling everyone that he is the best player.

- Vanity. He is very self councious but that alone wouldn't be considered abnormal. What I think it's abnormal is the fact that he self proclaims to be a prime minister of the game or the community itself. He considers all polls to be referendums, plebicites. He abuses words related to law such as court, trial, criminal, vote, regime, election, prosecution, etc. (in fact, he is a law student) More than once some ppl in that forum said that he should stop pretending to be what he is not, but he just disregards and doesn't reply. The other guy, who seems to be a narcissist too, even accused the admin of ruinning the whole community with his megalomania but he just laughted about it. He claims to have had sex with over 50 women and said that marriage is for losers. I once saw him scheduling to play with other ppl, but when the day and time came, he was absent. Later he said that he didn't play because he has chatting with some random woman at the time.

- I have no details about his life except for one message that I've read in which he says he hates his parents because they were trying to control his life. He went to a local university and rented a home for himself, telling that he wanted to live as far away as possible from his parents. He didn't ellaborate on what happened at home in regards to his parents, except that he wanted to be free. Well, he said that his parents kicked him out of his own home many times, implying that it was related to his addiction to the game. (I can only image that his behavior was something really bad that made his parents put him out of his home. That, or his parents themselves were bad, which I have no evidence to support this. In fact, I read one or two stories of a psychopath or narcissist mother and I don't think a mother who suffered from those would ever say "You can't play games unless you do the laundry and clean your bed.") At one time he jokingly admitted that somebody in his life has called him a psychopath once.

- Arrogance. The other guy is aggressive, he says things such as "I'm the best player you guys know, nobody plays better than me. I have the right to accuse everyone for that match that our team have lost. I have the right to humiliate anyone because it's fun and I don't care what the other person feels." He really likes to provoke the admin himself. The admin seems to like it, because he refuses to take actions in the weird belief that he is a prime minister and as such, can't show rage or ban ppl for insulting him directly. The admin shows signs of arrogance by hidding it in his messages. Like this "I'm not like certain people that ragequits after 1 or 2 minutes in the game because they are losing....", "the game mode that I play requires skills, brains, is not ******** and pure luck that only noobs play", "Why are you guys wasting time creating custom content?? Nobody here cares, can't you see that no new member has come to talk about that? (he was talking about some members that weren more keen to creating custom content in the game than playing it)", "I'm the only one with skills to keep this forums up and running.", "I'm the only one that loves this game so much that I make championships work, teach new players and won't ever stop playing this", "I have been playing this game for far longer than anyone else in this community". The other guy denies that he cares about being the number 1. On the contrary, the admin just can't stop telling everyone how great his forum is and how he is more knowledgeable about the game than everyone else.

- Black and White, binary treatment. Either he admires or hates. The game mode that he loves is the best thing in the world for him. All other gametypes are trash, useless, noob modes. If you post one message in his forum, he becomes super happy and calls you a supporter of him. But, if you get involved with him, to the point that disagreements happens and you can't stand his stubborness, he calls you his enemy, traitor. He openly declares all forums in the world that are about the same game as his beloved one competitors. He even blackmails like this "if you leave my forum to go to that other one (he refuses to say the name, like he owns the copyrights of the game itself) you'll come back later sooner or later. That other forum is dead, has fewer members than mine, nobody cares about it". At the same time he's extremely sulky "ppl don't want to post in my forum, whatever", "I invited 98321234897234 players, but just one made an account, whatever", "you don't want to play the same mode as me, whatever".

Personap confession: I wrote dozens and dozens pages of insults to him, waiting to decide if I would post all that in his forum. But then I was faced with NPD and passive aggressive personality terms and it just dawned on me. I erased all the insults and wrote a whole article of hundreds pages, including quotes and copies of whole threads, of everything that he has posted that somehow I think can only be explained by a personality disorder. It was like a divine revelation. At one point I was feeling like strangling him in front of his parents. But after reading about NPD, passive-aggressive personality, psychopaths, I came to the conclusion that all the swearing, all the jelous/envy feelings, all the rage, all the arguments, could be explained by something that nobody knew that was there.

I did post there, about 10 posts. But after witnessing both the admin and the other guy arguing with each other like spoiled brats, ppl telling the admin to ****** himself, telling that they would leave to another community to be far away from him, etc. I just silently left it.

One day the admin was spying on the forums and he noticed that I was reading a topic of his. He promptly created a thread inviting me to come back, implying that he was feeling lonely. I went in the game and insulted him for doing that, called him crazy. He captured a screen of the chat in game and published in the forums, telling everyone that he thought I was a friend of him and how he was disappointed. WHAT?!?!?! At that point I really felt like he was nearly a psychopath, seriously. I never played a single game with him before, never posted anything on the forums that agreed with anything he said. I was never a friend of him and he implies that I betrayed him?? What kind of person does that??? On a side note: he seems to be pretty far away from being a pathological liar.
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Old 09-03-2018, 02:27 PM #2
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Smile Re: NPD + passive agressive personality? Am I facing that? (very long post)

Thanks for sharing this experience...
Speak only if you can improve upon the silence.
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