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Default Jan 25, 2019 at 11:13 AM
  #41
I have just now seen this thread and oh.my.god. I have never read anything like this before! My head is spinning and I hope I understand the details right. Does Spain have family law lawyers that help with divorces and custody? If they do you need one. I am still a little confused about the nanny/wife/you triangle. Did you say your wife told your daughter her first love or date or something was a girl? How old was your daughter when she said that? How old were the kids when you two became three with the nanny? Was your life lying all the time when that happened and if so, what did the nanny think about it? How old is the nanny(your current partner)? What do the police do when they respond when the wife's lover calls and makes false reports? Are there consequences for making false reports? If he jumps in front of a police officer isnt that something he would be arrested for? Did the courts ever look at what your private detective found? Can you appeal the decisions about visitation and other things? I know these are a lot of questions but I am trying to make sense of it all. I dont mean to be judgy or make you feel bad but it just seems like having the nanny-turned- partner in your marriage and then just your partner would be confusing for the kids but also fuel for your wife to lie about. The kids do not know about anything sexual regarding and open marriage do they?

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Default Jan 28, 2019 at 07:01 AM
  #42
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Originally Posted by DavidJanS View Post
Hi folks
Recently a german journalist was caught to have invented articles (even one city in the USA wants to sue him for a mean report he made) and he, in a statement, admitted to be mentally ill and will now look for therapy.
It is a desaster for the German magazine SPIEGEL, because he wrote his stories exactly the way their mindset and worldview were supported. So they did not check the facts and just believed him, he had even received a prize for his reports...

It was a collegue who finally proved him a liar and he lost his job and most likely will face jail. Maybe not, as he confessed to be mentally ill, maybe that is the only way: if the person faces jail and lost everything, then s/he might rather admit his/her condition and get a therapy than jailtime.

My husband knows a guy like this. They went to school together and the guy always had these stories about how his dad was really rich, and was going to send a driver to pick him up from school. Later it was that his dad was going to pay to set up a television studio for the school. Even the teachers believed it. Anyone that waited with him for the driver to show up ended up having to walk or take the bus home, because there was no driver and the TV studio never materialized. I know the school told his parents to take him to therapy for mythomania.


For a while he appeared as a minor character in some telenovelas and then somehow reinvented himself as a chef. Whether or not he actually studied to be a chef and where is quite the mystery. You can find 4-5 totally different biographies of him online. In one he studied at a culinary institute in Catalonia, in another here in Chile. Supposedly he won Master Chef US and worked with Gordon Ramsay (neither of those are true).

More recently he made a name for himself as a culinary anthropologist, with a doctorate from the University of Barcelona. No such program even exists, but the media here doesn't fact check and he's been interviewed as such for magazines and TV.

So, now it recently came out that he is in a lot of trouble. He and his wife got into the business of planning weddings. For a set fee, they would organize everything, the food, the drink, music, decorations, etc. The problem is that he stiffed several people. He called them the day before the wedding saying that his mom was in the ICU or his stepson had died in an accident (lies) and the wedding couldn't happen. People assumed that at least food had been bought, he'd hired a DJ, etc. and figured the wedding could still be held, just without him. It turned out no plans were made. He took their money and did nothing. He also ran restaurants in several parts of the country and left huge debts to his providers everywhere he went. He'd move to another part of the country so that it would be hard to find him to sue.

The public prosecutor is investigating and they have already found that he had lied about his academic credentials. My husband is a lawyer and says that is serious since it could move the case from being a civil matter (non-completion of contracts) to a criminal (fraud). In the second case he might face jail time.
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Default Jan 28, 2019 at 07:40 AM
  #43
There are people who lie and know they are lying. There are people who lie and believe their own BS. Actually, we all do both these things sometimes, even the best of us.

The only thing I can suggest in regards to your situation, David, is to normalize your life as much as possible and try to give your minor children a healthy home. They should be the most important factor in this situation, IMHO.

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Default Jan 28, 2019 at 08:07 AM
  #44
I'm so sorry you and your kids are into this mess, DavidJanS I hope things will get better soon for you. Please don't give up. After all of this is over, I hope you will be able to take care of your kids and live a normal life. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Try to hang on. You can do this! You're strong, I know that. I believe in you. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you
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Default Feb 15, 2019 at 12:30 PM
  #45
Hi!
I did not see that there are new posts, I need to find the "notify me" checkbox...

Problems are accumulating. This week my oldest (and most affected) son decided to stay at his mother's place, so he will be 3 consecutive weeks with his mother. He does not want to learn and go to school and as he can manipulate his mother - and she him, he prefered to stay with her and she does not care about the court decision.

I called the court, again, but I think it will continue to ignore me.

@sarahsweets:
>Does Spain have family law lawyers that help with divorces and custody? If they do you need one.
I have a lawyer, but what can a lawyer do other than send information to the court and wait on the judge? I'm waiting 4 months to get the passports to register my children in the healthcare. Today my wife informed me that she has all documents from the court, now, I will see coming Monday if that is true.

I am still a little confused about the nanny/wife/you triangle. Did you say your wife told your daughter her first love or date or something was a girl? How old was your daughter when she said that? How old
Yes, my wife started as my 2nd partner and she told me and many more people including my daughter when she was maybe 7 that her first partner was a girl. Actually, I do not know anymore what stories to believe.

The "nanny" was a friend from the first day on. We lived in two camping cars (one US-Pace Arrow from 1978 and one Mecedex Benz Box from 1976) and moved around in Europe. The nanny aways lived as friend or part of the family, took no money and played with the children the whole day while I was working (on my laptop in the camping car) and my wife was caring about herself and a bit about the children.
So we were living with the "nanny" on smallest room, moving around through Europe, from the beginning. She became our partner about one year later but nothing changed for the children, as the nanny was simply living in the same way with the family as before.
My wife told my children after a few days that the nanny will be my second wife, my wife always "used" our children to attack me, every ranting had to take place when the children were watching so I would give in and would not argue asap.

> were the kids when you two became three with the nanny? Was your life lying all the time when that >happened and if so, what did the nanny think about it?
My wife lied from the first day I knew her when she became "our" partner, telling me that she has it written from her doctor that she cannot get pregnant just to become pregant 3 weeks later.
The problem is, my SISTER was like this as well and I thought it's excentric, but there is some "basic truth" to build upon. So I thought that my wife was a bit like my sister, always telling the truth " a bit different", but I did not understand that it is a disorder.
I found a letter I wrote to her in 2011 and it is just about exactly the same things as 7 years later: I cound not understand that she would not understand what she is doing and what the consequences of this would be.
The "nanny" came to us because my wife agreed that she does not manage to care for all four children when I could not help her for some hours. It was too much.

>How old is the nanny(your current partner)?
She was 19 when she came to us, facing 23 now.

>What do the police do when they respond when the wife's lover calls and makes false reports?
The police does not care, they write the report, the report goes to the judge, the judge talks with us and then tells him that he has no proves for his version so the accusation was be rejected.

>Are there consequences for making false reports?
No. In German, were I was born, that is different. Here on the Canary islands, no one cares much about anything.

>If he jumps in front of a police officer isnt that something he would be arrested for?
In the USA: yes. In Germany the police would have give him a fine. Here they say: stop it please and wait until my wife came and stopped him.

>Did the courts ever look at what your private detective found?
Yes, but they did not care.

>Can you appeal the decisions about visitation and other things?
No, it is provisional. I can ask for changing it, I did so, I asked for psychological investigation of the family, especially my oldest son, but nothing happens. Here it is ALWAYS good mother - bad father.

>I know these are a lot of questions but I am trying to make sense of it all.
I tried to answer in short.

>I dont mean to be judgy or make you feel bad but it just seems like having the nanny-turned- partner >in your marriage and then just your partner would be confusing for the kids but also fuel for your wife >to lie about.
1. my wife, before she became my wife, came into my partnership with another woman and we lived as three. My wife lied to me telling me that she likes this, while mobbing my first partner away.
2. the "nanny" came to us, because the situation was unbearable. My wife was not managing to keep a plan for homeschooling and her dis-ability became more and more visible. We had lot of stress, ranting, all before the children. With the "nanny", my wife and I had more time for each other and the situation could calm down, but my wife started to tell my children that the nanny and I would be in love to stirr up fights.
3. When my wife left me 12 years ago for the first time, she told my oldest son that time that her new lover is his new father and she took the children for more than 2 months away from me living with her new lover. That was 2007.
4. We have been a quite unusual family, from 2002 to 2018 we lived (subsequently) in 3 places in Germany, 6 places in Switzerland and 2 places in the Netherlands: 11 home-moves in 16 years! Then we bought the camping cars and moved through Europe.
My wife managed to make all neighbors hate us quite fast...

The kids do not know about anything sexual regarding and open marriage do they?
The oldest one is 16, she knows about everythuing, I think. The smallest one is 5, THANKS to the "nanny", she is NOT distorted, because the "nanny" became immediately the reference-person to my daughter. Now, they both are playing already for 3 hours non stop...

Rechu: Exactly. For the mythomaniac, if he says: "I will do that" he just wants the people to BELIEVE him (and pay). That's it. If you ask later "you did not do that?" the mythomanica starts ranting and accusing you of whatever to draw away the focus and stop any more discussions about what did "should have" done.

These people always create huge debts and problems with money is sure to come as there is no understading of the consequences of the own actions, including spending money.
But it seems the society cannot care less. Mythomanias are INSANE and should not beallowed to make contracts and should be treated as other people unable to care for themselfs.

But mythomaniacs look like serious people and other WANT to believe them so badly. Even if all is completely different than said, people tent to defend the mythmaniac.

Best wishes
David
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Default Feb 15, 2019 at 12:50 PM
  #46
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Originally Posted by DavidJanS View Post
Hi all

A quick update: I won a court trial as the lover accused me to have him attacked. He could not proove his version and I never did such a thing. The second time he lost trying to accuse me in the narrative of the lies of my wife.

During the trial I could clearly see that he is lying and aware that he is lying for being loved by my wife.
Marrying a person with a personality disorder can be a disaster. And it seems like your wife (or now an ex-wife?) and her lover are two troubled souls who found each other, and together they are aggravating the problem. You've got my sympathy, David. It must be a hell just having to deal with her alone. You don't need that additional person to make things worse than it already is.

But I am glad you are doing the right thing, reaching out to social worker, trying to get help for your kids. And also coming to PC to get inputs from others.
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Default Feb 15, 2019 at 01:09 PM
  #47
You're doing the best you can, DavidJanS. That's all you can do, after all. Be proud of yourself for that. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this
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Default Feb 15, 2019 at 01:20 PM
  #48
Hi ennie

The social worker does not care as well. The only thing is to WAIT until the problems will become so big that the courts will have to care. My wife is driving my car without obligatory insurance and tells my daughter that is no problem. When I tell my daughter that it is not allowed she starts to defend her mother and tells me I'm wrong, an obligatory insurance is not necessary.
I went to the police and they told me, quote: "We do not care as long as she does not have an accident or is controlled in an traffic control."
The insurance told me that they do not care as well, whether or not my wife is driving the car with expired insurance.

No, my wife is still not EX. She does not help with anything to become EX, blocks the court where she can block it and the court, as written before, has no hurry to investigate and help with this situation.

Sometimes, I feel like "Mr. K" from Kafkas book "The castle".

Definately the new lover is a troubled soul and he is proud that he is my wife's savior. Meanwhile I'm quite happy that he interfered with my family as only by that I got enough distance that I could finally understand what mythomania really means.

I knew always that she was "lying". I thought she would have to UNDERSTAND what she was doing when I explained that to her, and could not understand why my explantions never would have any consequence, no learning, no understanding, no self-critizism.

But as long as I was living every day with her, the constant emotional state of emergency hindered me to understand the reason for it. My father was living with us for quite some time and the father of the "nanny" was living with us, caring about my old father who needs a care person for his daily life. My father ask me many time WHY we would always be in the emotional state of emergency and I told him that I "cannot communicate" with my wife.

I had the feeling it was me not finding "the right way" to communicate the way that my wife would understand what I wanted to tell her. But it is simply impossible.

My guess is that the court will not do anything about the situation but the financial problems of my wife and her lover will increase to a level that they will have to move away, most likely they will split apart when this will happen. Just my guess about how my wife's brain as mythomaniac "works", actually I do not care what will happen with him, other people my wife left would think about suicide, one wrote a biography mentionning his suicidal acts after my wife left him.
Today, this "old man" refuses to even think that his love 25 years ago, could be a mythomaniac. He stopped communicating with me a few months ago, he wants to stay her friend...;-)

Anyway, next week I will know whether we can move forward in at least getting the obligatory health insurance for my kids done. And then get them the obligatory family doctor.
Maybe another person who could help...

It's possible because the only thing my wife would need to do is NOT BLOCK the court and then get the documents necessary they sit on.
Still, the texts she wrote me show the usual sentences and thoughts that make me speculate about whether or not she really has the documents I have been asking the court for, since November last year.

Thank you for your thoughts and sympathy!
Best wishes
David
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Default Feb 15, 2019 at 01:35 PM
  #49
Hi Mickey

Thanks for your sympathy!

Well, everyone has to deal with something.
I personally feel fine, living in one house with my old father, my partner and her father is comfortable and pleasant. I believe that for all my children this situation now is already better then when we lived together as they did not have a week of emotional relaxation every 14 days - and I did not understand the condition of my wife and tried to "help" in a way that was impossible.So much time and energy LOST for NOTHING, because I did not understand mythomania before the split.

My partner is the best partner I ever met, (I know her for almost 4 years), I have a nice project, people I love around me...

I just need to wait until the situation for my wife will explode and she will have to leave the place I rented for her 3 years ago.
As she won't get another place suitable for the children, I will get the children and the court will, then, just confirm the facts. I think that is the usual way "justice" works here: wait until the reality has created the facts that then just need to be confirmed by a stamp.

So, I can wait, easy. Just my oldest son starts to remind me on my mythomaniac sister and his mother and I hope that there will be a possibility to get him a therapy as soon as the mother will loose her power over him.

Best wishes
David
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Default Apr 28, 2019 at 01:42 PM
  #50
Just a short catch-up, things are moving slowly.
Nothing positive happened, but since the last post my son stopped coming to my place. He claims that as he is 14 years old, he does not need to come to me and the mother supports this, it makes her proud.
The problem is that she does not care about things like school and future of my son, so he does almost not go to school if he goes, he comes late (he is driven there by his mother) and she picks him up early.
So the school is quite annoyed and laready informed the local child care institute to investigate why he is not coming to school.
The thing is easy: he plays computer games all day long with the imagination that with streaming he will earn a lot of money and safe his mother from bankrupcy and enable the life to her she dreams about.
So the mother lets him play all day long, supporting this fatal hope of my son because he will not only not earn anything, he will completely mess up this school year for the third time and even thoug he is quite intelligent, not be able to get any "normal" education level.

I finally got a free lawyer, after nearly three months of waiting and I hope that he will issue the "execution of the court decision" and enforce that my son will come to me again so at least for one week every two weeks he will go to school, readm learn and not play games all the time.

He would need a therapy so badly but the mother blocks it all and without her consent, nothing can be made in prospect to my son.
Best wishes
David

PS: I do not know whether I am allowed to hint on a free app I recently uploaded to the playstore of google that can be used to set up anonymous mutual-aid-groups.

Last edited by DavidJanS; Apr 28, 2019 at 03:31 PM..
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Default Apr 28, 2019 at 08:00 PM
  #51
There is no cure or treatment for pathological lying. It's a symptom of one or multiple mental illnesses.

Sounds like your wife/mother of your children is a pathological liar and your polyamorous lifestyle with the other woman is messing your family up and triggering your wife.

Maybe write down in steps, each problem and try to tackle them one at a time.

You'll likely never be rid of your wife, even if you divorce her. Since she is a pathological liar she will always find willing men to victimize, willing women to victimize and believe her lies, especially those who work in child services and family court. Sounds like you need to figure out a strategic way to mentally deal with her. To outwit the liar. That is the rub.
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Default Apr 29, 2019 at 03:03 AM
  #52
Hi StreetcarBlanche

Thank you for your contribution.
I know there is no cure! Anyway the therapist I consulted told me that she could improve with "emotional management".

I had no polyamorous lifestyle! My wife took her first lover and left me and took my children away from me 10 years ago. I never had another woman!

BUT, after the fourth child was born she definately she did not manage to care about them at all and I had new work and had to work, so we needed help. The person who came to us, came for the children and up to now I, am glad that she did. My children love her and they are happy with me as well because they can play with this care person.

My wife would have left me with someone who would believed her lies, anyway, she did at least once, but with this situation, at least, I have the chance to care about my children as well with the help of the "nanny", who never took any money to help with my children - she was a friend from the first day and she, finally, after more than a year of daily care for our children, living with us, helping with the household and doing everything necessary my wife was UNABLE to do, became OUR lover.
My wife was present at the "first time" and it was my wife who asked for this to finally happen, all together!
Unfortunately, I did not know at that time that there is an mental damage leading to "nototrious lying", I found out only after another year when my wife split the family triggering me with a new lover who was not willing to understand her lies, even though I told him!
my children do not like this man, I begged him to not destroy our family but he simply believes that he is the hero-rescuer of the family as he believes the lies of my wife.

I tried to find a way for her and her lover to be together and not destroy the family, offered them money if they would go away togethe and live somewhere without interfering with my children, but in vain.
She made and makes my children suffer but she denies everything - and after she threw me & my father out of "our" house, I started to understand that she was not (in first line) depressive, like she told us, but compulsively lying. Without the "distance", I could not understand what mythomania really means. Now I understand and now I WAIT, WAIT that she will create a mess so huge that no judge will be able to oversee that. And she is on her way!

I have written down a complicated story in very few sentences.

Had I know about mythomania before, everything would have been different.

But I found out only after my wife, with help of the energy of HER lover, was capable to destroy all family structures, sell of all we had and mess up everything we built up, well, I built up.
The first time she did this and created the basic problems of my son, in 2006/2007 there was no other woman "on my side", I was completely lonely and she took my children away and went to CZ, we were living in Switzerland. I was close to suicide, but the other man, started to understand that my wife was lying and I would get back access to my children again, so they split and she restarted the relation to me. At that time, I did know she was "not always telling the truth", but I was far from understanding "notorious lying".

Since I have been knowing about pathological lying, I am mentally stable and nothing she does can trigger me anymore, even thorugh it is hard to see how my children suffer there.
I perceive her as a robot, unable to NOT ly, unable to understand what she does. Actually, I try to deal as little as possible with her and with what she does, I wait upon the court and she can lie as she wants, not bringing my son to school is a severe problem in Spain and notorious liars are not completely unknown to courts and lawyers.

And I know that at least as long as my youngest daughter will be a child, I will have to have contact with my wife, whether being officially "ex" or not.

But I do not care about my wife, I do not want to achieve anything concerning her, I just think that it will happen that I will receive the custody for my children and then can start in having them attent a therapy by an experienced child therapist on this small island.

Whether or not she will find other people to victimize is not my business. I can imagine that in this small village where we live in, sooner or later everyone will know and keep distance to her.
And if she should depart to other places, like Prague, where I met her, and will leave me with my children here, I will set this up as the highest family-remembrance day with obligatory 24h party.

Best wishes
David
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Default Apr 29, 2019 at 04:26 AM
  #53
My long time partner was a pathological liar but I didn't realize to what extent until he left a letter to me to be opened after he died of cancer. I knew him for 17 years and he did have a larger than life personality and everyone liked him. I know he really did love me with all his heart because actions speak louder than words. He treated me like a queen and was very funny and kind. He was the love of my life but even almost 13 years after he died I am bothered by all the things he told me that I know now must've been lies. The worst thing he told me was that he had brain cancer but he didn't. Then he really did end of getting lung cancer several years later. Karma?? He told me he had an ex wife and a son but in his letter he said that wasn't true. He lied about big things and small things. Now when I think back on all the stories he told me I know they were probably lies unless someone else could verify them or I myself could verify them. He fought very hard to beat his lung cancer because he wanted to live for me. He also said he was a boy hood friend of Michael J Fox and that he grew up in Canada. His birth certificate said he was born in California! You think you know someone after 17 years but not always. I did know his essence and he was a good person. He was hyper sensitive. The only conclusion I can come up with he lost both of his parents to cancer when he was very young and I think his father was ill since my partner was a young boy. I think he was very fragile and felt he had to blend fact with fiction so people would like him. The sad part is people would've liked him just fine without all the lies. Most of the people he knew didn't know about the lies - I've just told a few close friends. He also had been into drugs and meth when I first knew him but quit most of that or he would've have even made it to 50 which is the age he died. When I had a nervous breakdown and could no longer work he supported us and never complained. But if he were still alive I don't know if I could be with him because his lying was so interwoven into his life - I don't know if he could have or would have stopped it. Yes I was lucky to have someone who loved me so deeply but I feel gyped when I remember back on all the stories he told me of his life that were most probably falsehoods. I know my story is different than yours but I wish the best for you and your children.
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Default Apr 29, 2019 at 07:49 AM
  #54
Hi OCD1972

Thank you for sharing your story.

I think, when the lies are not hurting others, it might be acceptable to some degree.
When the liar is targetting the lies as waepons to hurt others so they do what the liar needs/wants to be done, it is very different.

And, at least, he left you a confession that shows that he had some understanding of his condition. Maybe in the expectation of death such insights can come?

Without the lover of my wife being respectless to the rest of the family, she would not have managed to chase me away and most likely I still would not be aware about mythomania and fight fruitless fights about almost anything.

I believe that as long as the partner has a tiny bit of affection and maybe even love for the liear, it is near to impossible to become aware of the situation (at least without external help.)
Best wishes
David
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Default Jul 13, 2019 at 04:43 AM
  #55
Somehow my view of the texts is gone... maybe I need to delete the cookies...? Strange
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Default Jul 13, 2019 at 09:22 AM
  #56
Works again, but I cannot edit/delete the post even when I click on the edit-link below the name...

NOTHING has happened here. The lawyer told me a month ago whether I want to read a reply the mother gave to the court. I did not know anything about this and said "yes" - and NOTHING happened. But as he is a free lawyer, I can not ask, I receive no answer, the court does not care.

I should have been divorced a year ago, I was told my my lawyer back then. But nothing happens. It seems that I must earn enough money and get a paid lawyer again and try to make the court do its work. But that may take some time...

Meanwhile I have been doing a lot with Microdosing but I cannot apply this on my situation because it would be miss-used by my still-wife.
Best wishes
David

Last edited by FooZe; Jul 23, 2019 at 01:49 AM.. Reason: removed advertising URL
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Default Jul 17, 2019 at 07:27 AM
  #57
I have just re-read the post of Streetcar... "your polyamorous lifestyle with the other woman is messing your family up and triggering your wife"
That is, actually, a quite harsh accusation. EVERYTHING triggered my wife, she managed to damage my older son through HER lifestyle including leaving me and telling my son (almost two years old at that time, 12 years ago) that I'm not his father anymore. 17 years of MY suffering, of being abused, de-valuated, attacked every day for not being able to approve all her lies before whomever she wanted to, including our children, daily shouting on and abusing of our children - that seems no problem to streetcar. She always did her abusing before the children, so they would learn that she is the commander, everyone must follow her or fell the pain.

But "the nanny" who never was a nanny, as she never took money and has been with my children all day long, 24/7/365, as their friend, and ours, was the first step for me and my children to become able to feel joy and happiness again. At least for some ours when my wife was not watching and trying to make everyone feel sad and bad.

And when my notorious lying wife kicked me out of my home to introduce the homeless as new father to my children, the ONLY reason why I could continue to be in contact with my children and help at least three of them to spend days of happiness and joy every second week is this "nanny".
The family was completely messed up before she came to us and now it is her who secures everything including our living and existence, in prospect to my children.

Now, after more than a year after being thrown out from my house, I start to understand the dimensions of abuse my children and I have been suffering by this notorious liar.
I can see how the children are depressed and confused after they spend a week with that person when they come back to us. As her children they love her and they cannot understand what is happening to them. No one who loves (or at least likes) this person can understand what is happening to him/her.

And no one is helping with this. But, it is so much better this way then when we have been all under the manipulative influence of this person, still called my wife.
Best wishes
David
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Default Jul 18, 2019 at 03:49 AM
  #58
It seems, I cannot edit my posts to remove typos!

Microdosing helped me and many others. Unfortunately I cannot apply this on my son and help him restore the communication of subconsciousness with consciousness as long as the mother does support this - and she NEVER supported ways of mental healing.

Last edited by FooZe; Jul 23, 2019 at 01:50 AM.. Reason: removed advertising URL
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Default Jul 18, 2019 at 06:25 PM
  #59
I am really confused. You are saying you didn’t gave polyamorous life style yet you said your marriage started as 3 people. You, your wife and her lover. You said you thought your wife liked it. Then years later you again are 3 people, you l, your wife and your lover (former nanny). So do you mean it’s open marriage not polyamorous marriage? Not saying it’s wrong but I am not sure you can say it’s not open or polyamorous marriage? It certainly is something that isn’t a traditional 2 people marriage.

How could 4 children live in the camper traveling the world? Don’t they have to attend school? Were they homeschooled?
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Default Jul 19, 2019 at 03:29 AM
  #60
Hi Divine1966

Yes, it was planned that the children will be homeschooled on the traveling Europe, not the world. That was when I started to understand that something is completely wrong, as my wife did not manage to keep any schooling plan and just my olderst daughter schooled herself.

It is not a "lifestyle" when during your life they are situation that are not completely "normal". My Marriage did not start as 3! I had a relation, just like all others, when my now wife attached herself as "third partner". While I belived that she was polyamorous and as she told she could not get children, my partner and I accepted this as a "special situation". But this woman created immediately problems, immediately became pregnant, I was put under the question of never seeing my child or split form my old partner and marry this women. It was clear that time that she as lying, but I did not know it was compulsive and that she does not perceive herself as lying.
I did not know that complete unreliability was part of the damage.

She promised me to start healing what I thought was a depression but did not.
3 years later, when I needed her most, she left me with another man telling my 2 years old son that I'm not his father anymore.
After 6 months the other man most likely found that she was lying to him and understood that she had two children with me and she came back to continue with me.
I got a full-time job and did not realize how much damage she created in my children and that we lost contact to all neighbors.
She became pregnant again, I quit my job as my boss was not willing to give me holidays so I could be around my family at the birth. The situation became very complicated where we were living and we moved to my father just after my mother had died.
We lived there 4 months and then moved to the north east of Bavaria and my father came a little later to life about 30km from us.

There we lived for 3 years and the huge problems of my son became more and more evident, problems in school, problems with friends. I believed my wife when she talked bad about our neighbors and their children, we became more and more isolated - and had our 4th child.

One year after her birth, we decided to leave the house and make a tour through Europe to find a better place and homeschool the big two children, the two small ones where young enough to not go into school, yet.

Driving through Europe and being really close to my wife and our children made me understand that "something" is wrong, that NO plan, NO school plan nothing was made by my wife in the way she promised and we agreed to that it would be done and we decided that some help was necessary.

So the children and we came into contact with possible nannies and one day one "want to be nanny" came. But she immediately be came a friend to the children, plyed with them, made the homeschooling - and my wife started to hate her, accuse her of whatever and started to tell me that I fell in love and must life with two women and she told this to our children, trying to create complete mess and situations of hatred.

I saw that my children were appreciating the planned days, my youngest was playing most of her day with the "nanny" who never took a pence, even gave us money when we had a need, and was with us 24/7, playing and caring all the time especially about the two young children, but making sports and schooling with the older as well. My wife wanted to get rid of her and I did not want my children to go back into chaos, so I opposed kicking our helper in her ***.

Then, end of 2015 this woman who helped my children so much, left, and we decided to go to Gran Canaria, because my wife pretended to have illnesses where the climate of Gran Canaria would cure her. So we moved to this island and my wife demonstrated that she is completely unable to deal with the situation, my children becase very bad, she was extremely rude to all and I talked again to that woman who was with our children before and told her that the children need her and I like her and it was not right what happend and what the mother is doing and we would have to make her finally look for help with her condition.

She then came back to us, on the island, together with my father. My wife announced her as "my 2nd wife", went to a psychiatric, received Sertralina pills and whenever I tried to communicate with the psychiatrist, she would deny to talk with me to keep the "trusting relation" with my wife, ignoring any hints on the real cause of the problems.

My wife started to create chaos on the finca where we were living, confusing the workers helping us to set it up and about one year later started a secret relation with one of the day-workers. She staged a "kidnapp"-problems, confused me completely about what was going on and when I eventually found that this homeless dayworker fell in love with her, I explained to him that my wife was severely mentally sick, telling lies and confusing people and he must not create problem to my family.

He promised to explain to her what is real and what is imagination - and I believed him. One month later she told me that he must live with us and he is her new lover and second father for my children. In the same time she becaume very rude to my children, our friend and me, shouting every day, forcing the children to be with her and her new lover, wait on her for hours during the night.
I told her that I'm not going to work so she can f** with him and neglect our children that he has to deliver money if he wants to live there, that she can be with who she likes to but I'm not accepting him to be "second father" just because he sleeps with the mother and costs me money. I told him to vanish and he went, just to buy a car from the money I gave him to vanish and come back, while my wife pretended that I left her and he would have to rescue her.

When he came back, I was still sleeping in one bed with my wife, so she threw me out, I wrote her a letter and asked her whether she want so be with him and end all we had together or stop with him. She decided against me, so I left the house, and "the nanny" went with me, not two month later my father had to leave there as well, even though he paid most of the money, because she did not give him water and food and my old father needs held and cannot live by himself.

In the first months I was not understanding how this could have happened and then I understood mythomania. The homeless dayworker gladly believed my wife what a poor victim she was and wanted to rescue her. He wants to believe her so much, he even went to police and told them I want to shoot him dead. I won the trial because here is no evidence, just because I won arms and shooting in a club as sport it does not mean I would want to shoot someone. I never ever would shoot anyone but in self-defense and this homeless man is weak and submissive, hysterical, but no danger for me. But he delivers the trust my wife needs to firmly believe her lies and make people do what she wants them to do thinking they do it because she is such a fine person - while they just fear her and her evil lies and want as little problems as possible.

Again, the story is much more complicated, more connections with the past and decisions and situation would have to be considered and written about, but that, I think, is more for a book than for a forum.
Best wishes
David
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