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tecomsin
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Default Jul 26, 2019 at 08:19 AM
  #81
Hi David,

Are you saying your wife, the one who is a mythomaniac, left you 11 years ago for another man and you got back together with her?

What do you mean you nearly ended up dead? It sounds like you went through a horrible time for decades. I was only with my mythomaniac for a few years and we had no children together.

I had a psychotic break at the end of our relationship when he took up with another woman. He had left his passwords of various accounts on my laptop and I was reading his emails until I deleted it all from my computer. That is how I knew he was with another woman. He was always asking me if I wanted to read his emails. Of course it only made me sicker to be thinking about him.

I didn't feel guilty I just lost my self-esteem in a major way and I don't think to this day I have fully recovered from the loss. I hadn't experienced what they call "NPD rage" as an adult before. It made me realize I had some major deficiencies in how I related to other people that I would have let such a person into my life despite all the glaring warning signs,

so the guilt I feel is guilt about letting myself down. I feel guilty too about reading his emails and doing other things no self-respecting person would do. What did you feel guilty about?

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DavidJanS
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Default Jul 26, 2019 at 09:57 AM
  #82
Hi Tecomsin

Yes, she left me in 2007, while I spend 421 days in isolation detention in Switzerland for having given Magic Mushrooms to adults to help them heal. The court process is still open, next year March,12th in Bern, I will have the next trial (2nd instance) about this. I (and my lawyer) regards myself as "Not guilty" and want to be compensated from Switzerland. No guilty, not because I would not have given Sacred Mushrooms to people, I did (but there is no evidence other than my confession, I renew any time, as I am proud of this), but because Swiss law only prohibits ADDICTIVE Mushrooms and changed the law 2008, after I was released, to my time did not prohibit ANY mushrooms - and the Sacred Mushrooms are NOT addictive - so they cannot be prohibited by the actual Swiss law.

When I was released, she was with another man, ranted on me and said I was the worst person she ever met.
She took my children and went to him to another country and I was not allowed to leave Switzerland, so I stayed and was feeling very bad.

After some months, for whatever reason, she split up with the other man (naturally she told me that is was because of our children, but I doubt that as I doubt all she told me) and returned to our place in Switzerland and after another three months of ranting at me, and me taking all guilt for everything, she decided to continue the relation with me. I did not want to loose my children, two at that time, I did not really understood why what happened. I was very confused in that time and even got a certificate that I could not work for three months because of paranoid states.

When I was in custody (without trial!), I was no narcissist supply anymore. So it's clear to me, Today, that she needed another one. This other one, once I was released, most likely started to realize that she was lying to him and I offered myself (without knowing this) as narcissist supply again. So she changed back.

As much "horrible" it may sound, I was ready to take all to protect my children and not let them be "just with their mother". She neglected them, so I used that to play with them and be with them as much as possible.

What I did feel guilty about: as nothing worked out the way as it was planned, and my wife never had any responsibility for all occurring problems, it was always my fault. I was guilty for treating her bad, for not playing enough with my children, not earning enough money, not making her as happy as she would deserve it, turning her sad with words I would not be aware of how "hurting" they are (words like: "please leave my things on my table I need them there").

I have been 17 years married and lived 15 with her, most of the time all day long. I've decided to see her as "my little tyrant" in Don Juan's/Castaneda's way focusing on how to behave to make her understand. Now I know: all that was in vain, for nothing, and I could have done many things much better - for my children - had I just known what I know, Today. There is nothing that could help her, but many things that could help my children, so that is my only focus in that relation.

The past cannot be changed, the future is what matters and I hope that the court will be able to understand the real situation and end the abuse of my children by their mother, as soon as possible. As long as it continues like it is and I can balance my children in the week they are with me, the situation, for them as well, is already much better than two years ago. Still toxic and damaging, but much better. I cannot expect more, now, I have to be patient.

Best wishes
David
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