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Default Dec 15, 2018 at 07:09 AM
  #1
Hello!

I have been posting here: (I cannot attach the link because I have not posted enough posts - even though it's a link to this forum...;-)

forums.psychcentral.com/new-member-introductions/527402-mythomania.html

But was told this forum is more focussed on relationships and partners.

I'm looking for people with mythomania who found a way how to admit it and start healing to find out whether this could work for my wife as well.

Or (ex) partners of mythimaniacs who might give me hints on how they managed to solve the resulting problems.

Mythomania is very easy to detect for people NOT having mythomania, but for the mythomaniacs themselfs it seems to be near to impossible to understand that "other people" FEEL guilty if they harm, damage, lie and destroy.

When I think back on the 15 years I lived with my wife most of the time in very intensive contact, none of us working "outside", being together many hours every day, I must say that for my wife life seemed to be a daily battle against everything that would not "fit" into her stories.

The self seems to be occupied with the fabrications, caught in the own web, no real development, change, improvement, but the same patterns every day. Battle battle battle to keep the stories "alive".

A word of critizism => hours of fights and attacks, every attack based on a new brazen lie and when mentioning that, another 10 lies are added, exponential growth of conflict.

I analyzed the letter of the lover of my wife, that, I'm sure, was written by my wife and he must have his psyche damaged already, as a non-mythomaniac should remember the events correctly and fear that policemen would witness the truth abut the event.

I think he started to believe my wife's stories MORE than his own memory and perception some time ago and his paranoia, fears and panic seems to grow.

It's not my business what happens to him and her, but my children must spend every second week there and that is my business.

It seems impossible to me to make the lover of my wife aware that his fate will be huge mental problems when he should not find a way back to perceive reality asap. Maybe it is too late for him as well?

I'm every time surprised when I become aware how extreme the effects of my wife's stories are.

She can tell you a story you would never believe if anyone else would tell, but when my wife tells it, you SEE yourself WITNESS it.

The story leaves you with the feeling that you have been there and seing everything with own eyes, hearing with yourown ears!

That is frightening and fascinating at the same time. My wife wrote two film scripts and played in two movies that had quite some success in her country.
The third is finished soon.

If she would tell her stories for money, she could earn quite some money CONFUSING people and making them think they sad beside her when she heroically managed to escape catastrophes, was victimized by mafiosos and so on..

But if the people knew she was a mythmaniac, they could focus on the fascinating side, the ability to TELL a story to someone who then would swear before court that he was witness of that story.

I think that, psychologically, the "lack of guilt" is what makes the difference. If "normal" people tell a story and they exaggerate or tell brazen lies, they feel guilty and the listeners notice that.

My wife can tell you, looking into your eyes, that 5 minutes ago an UFO landed on the field behind the house and you will start to believe that there are UFOs and look into the internet if the landing place behind the house is already listed in the "known UFO-landing places".

Then You talk about that with others, who laugh at you,"you really believe that, stupid?", doubts show up, you ask my wife whether she is sure and she will assure you, looking into your eyes and you will think: "she saw an UFO, 100%, I saw it as well!".

In case you should doubt in that moment, she will start hating you and make sure that you won't come into contact with her anymore,accusing you of the most evil thoughts and actions you could imagine.

She can look into your eyes and tell you that she loves you and two minutes later, when you still DOUBT her reality, rant at you the most vulgar expressions and make you feel her hate so intense you regret that you dared to have doubts.

Mythomania, to my understanding is a highly dagereous condition and if there is suspicion that someone has this, there should be institutional ways to test this and make sure that every mythomaniac is identified and treated, to my opinion as "victim of my wife", against the will of the disordered person.

There are guesses that 4% of the population "do not have the understanding/feeling of guilt" - are mythomaniacs. Image how many politicians might have this condition and lead their voters into ruin and chaos! Mythomaniacs are charismatic, the middle of every party, the most wanted experts, witnesses when they have the ability like my wife to make you BELIEVE EVERYTHING... how much of the problems in this world people must suffer under because some mythimaniac in a position of power acts according to his mental disorder?

From my experience, I believe that the KNOWLEDGE about mythomania should be much more present in the awareness of "the people", like paedophilia. It's no fun, it's demaging, devastating - and people have little to no knowledge about it.

I would be willing to inspire a fim, but all people I know in film-industry are connected with my wife and would never ever dare to think that this kind and charismatic person could be a notorious liar and must start to hate me if I tell so.

Best wishes
David
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Default Dec 15, 2018 at 08:15 AM
  #2
Hi Turtle

NPD, yes, while I do not think that my wife's dreams are only too "pretty".

I think she cannot perceive parts of the reality, especially cause-effect-chains and thus she does "not feel guilty" for her actions and words.
I have read a subtitle of a book "imagine you can do what you want and say what you want and not feel guilty"... If you cannot perceive the consequence of your action as consequence of your action, you cannot feel responsible and not guilty.

Actually, I am looking for real people with experience with that to read my texts and if they feel they could help, join the discussion or contact me. I cannot use so much time reading that amount of posts in this forum, unfortunately...

Best wishes
David

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Default Dec 15, 2018 at 09:08 AM
  #3
Thank you for this interesting and well thought out post. I wasn't going to post anything this morning, as I have been busy with a new goal I have set for myself, but I am interested to explore this topic.

Is it possible that your wife enjoys the art of story-telling and is not aware of the fallacies she creates? Maybe she does not understand the consequences of mis-leading those around her, or is she unable to catch and correct an error for fear she will bring 'too much' attention to the subject? Is it fair to her to say that you are a 'victim' of her mythomania, when you are not objective to her thoughts, and have not made an effort to clarify with her what it is that bothers you about her stories.

I know that some of my ideas are 'far-fetched' and maybe not as well thought out as they could be. My thoughts and stories, I suppose, could be considered mythomanic(?) and sometimes inappropriate. In the past I have refused to reflect on experiences that were difficult for me to deal with, but have based my beliefs and impressions on those experiences anyway. Am I lying to myself?

My instincts told me to be the way I am. My instincts told me that was a loosing battle. I didn't waste my time defending myself. I moved on without a second blink. But I sure would be dis-appointed if someone told me I was a mythomaniac without first addressing the smaller issues with me

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Default Dec 15, 2018 at 10:26 AM
  #4
Hi Ab2371

Please see my other posts.I set "victim" in "" to show that I distance myself.

You are completely right, my wife is NOT aware of the consequences of the stories and actions.
I wrote her many times that I do not blame her for what she does. That I want to help our children and so on, but in the past time, when I mentioned our children, it did not change anything at all.

I cannot tell WHY she does what she does, for me it is a mental disorder she received somewhen in the far past by something. I asked myself for so many years to what degree she is aware of what she does and I think: almost ZERO. Maybe, thanks to sertralina, ZERO now.

And yes, I think mythomaniacs are lying to everyone including themselfs. I think that my wife really believes her stories when other believe her. Maybe in the absolute beginning of a new story there is some small understanding that it's phantasy, but that seems to vanish very fast and then I could never see any sign of self-analysis, self-critizism, self-reflection about the story and their consequences.

She SURLY enjoyes telling stories! It gives her energy if someone believes and takes her energy if someone doubts. But as everyone a first believes, she loves talking to new people. Every new "friend" after some days or weeks starts to understand something is wrong, feels abused and dis-respected and turns away.

Her lover managed to stay with her now for 8 months. He is completely paranoid by now and unable to talk with anyone else than her.

AB, I think in former years, before sertralina, my wife had instincts to tell her and she had phases of regret and sadness about that she "destroyed all" - but then she put it so drastically that I would say: "no, it's not all your fault" - while in reality it was. I think sertralina wiped out all those doubts and instincts and now she is a pure NPD-mythomania operated being, without the free will necessary to understand herself and act NOT according to the condition.

I can imagine that there are different levels of severity. I assume that my sister has the same condition (NPD), but her stories where always so exaggerated that everyone knew after 5 minutes that she is "insane". She had a lot of troubles everywhere and has a very bad and isolated life now.

So, you are hopefully lucky to have understood this. I believe that creativity and impulsivity can be positive results of the condition, but without any kind of awareness and denial of any kind of effort to bring her awareness.

Maybe she must loose all, including my children, the place she lives and the person she lives with, now, to "feel" that she lost the battle and then start to look for the right therapy? I wished that was not necessary and ther was a way to support her to admit and start a therapy.
But, during the past 17 years, I wished so often for a "wonder" that would help her and it never came. Maybe I'm too optimistic about possibilities and there is simply none, if her condition does not allow for one by itself, like with you.

AB, a last thought: her stories are mean, as she needs to make me "the enemy". She posts her stories on facebook, send them to my friends, tells them to her lover, her lawyer, the judge.
She turns around reality and when I try to turn it back, it looks like if I would say the same mean things about her.
Like: she started to cheat on me in October with the new lover. In January they could not hide because of a change in the location. So they tried to force me to accept this and work any pay for her and him, so as if that person would become my husband as well.

I told him that my wife is severely sick, but she told him that I am severely sick. He started to believe her. In Febraury I begged him to let my family alone and he departed, keeping the contact to my wife who meanwhile send away from our farm all people we had working there.
Then he came back, moved into my bed and I left the place and moved to an own appartment.

Then she posted on facebook that I left her alone with our four children, poor and alone, for weeks, and then, from out of nothing, a kind man came into her life to help her and stand by her side.
She did not mention that she has had sexual intercourse with him for the past 6 months and that I left AFTER he moved in, because she was so mean to me BEFORE our children that I had to vanish.

I do not believe her stories = I am BAD, EVIL, the enemy.
He is believing ALL of her stories, so he is the hero-rescuer.

For this story, I MUST have left her BEFORE he moved in and so it is without importance what really happened.
To him she said that I moved out and he did not talk with me anymore because I am the "old mean man that tortured his wife for 15 years". And he believes it.
She finds an explanation for everything for him and he believes it.

He believes that my children SUFFER when they are with me, he tires to prevent the police speaking with me after he calls the police to keep me away from my children.

My wife explained to the police why they MISSUNDERSTAND the court's decision, even though she does not speak Spanish well and the judge and police both speak Spanish, so they UNDERSTAND very well, the policeman tried to explain to her but she would not listen...

The lover jumps between me and the two policemen to STOP me talking to them! She explains the policemen why they do not understand Spanish phrases... one could LAUGH if that was not personally affecting and no children involved.

The court and Police takes them as "extroverted strangers" and they do not understand the mental condition.

Meanwhile the farm is bankrupt, all people gone, all money spent, she did not even care for invoices and legal needs for company sales. There is so much damage in the last year, you would not believe if I told you in numbers.

So, I am not bothered by her stories, when we lived together, I liked to listen to them and tried to find kind ways to "adjust reality a bit". Sometimes it worked, sometimes it did not.

Her stories, now, are devastating, damaging, destroying because she has power over the new lover. Without his belief, she could not do that.
Actually, from my point of view, he is the one responsible for all the pain and loss, but if I tell this, as "ex-husband" I am taken as someone acting and talking out of hatred against him.

I do not hate him, but I have not expected that he would loose contact to reality SOOO fast & completely and profundly believe all that she says, but that is the reason why they could "fall in love" so fast.

Said this, I do not think that my wife "loves" as other women love. She was not my only partner, so I have some overview.

She makes the one who is good for her believe she loves him, so he stays good for her.
But in the moment of doubts that person becomes "bad for her" and she can hate the same person she made believe she loved just a couple minutes later.

She sometimes said that she might be bi-polar, she is taking sertralina because she was diagnosed manio-depressive but whenever I mention this, she denies to be insane and insists that her psychiatrist said that is is healed ( while taking the maximum dosage of sertralina every day).

Best wishes
David
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Default Dec 15, 2018 at 12:09 PM
  #5
Maybe my thought here is a skewed interpretation: exaggeration and creativity show signs of self-expression and thinking outside of your normal self. I do feel a little guilty for not having thought of that all on my own. I guess I am a lucky one. In my life, a bunch of lies are acceptable to me. Santa Clause, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, Darth Vador (ok, maybe not a lie or acceptable). Disprove their existence. That would have been logical. I wanted to believe in these iconic figures. I did believe in them. They served me well, and as I grew into a new form of myself, I left all those things associated with my childhood behind. Surely, I miss them.

I am sorry for your struggles with your wife and her mental condition. I hope her happiness bring you solace and a new partner (if you so choose) and I hope she takes a safe journey towards conscious living
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Default Dec 15, 2018 at 12:13 PM
  #6
Quote:
I can imagine that there are different levels of severity. I assume that my sister has the same condition (NPD), but her stories where always so exaggerated that everyone knew after 5 minutes that she is "insane". She had a lot of troubles everywhere and has a very bad and isolated life now.
My fear is that this type of behavior will happen to me. That I will reach a point that I don't realize my own declining sanity level. I am not an angry person, but I do feel anger, and grief and sadness. Every time I fall, I manage to pick myself-up again, accepting myself and all my emotions, and I look forward to a better tomorrow.
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Default Dec 15, 2018 at 02:30 PM
  #7
Hi David,

I had to look up mythomania. It means she tends to exaggerate or tell lies. I am sorry to hear you are in a relationship like that. All I can do is offer my sympathy.
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Default Dec 15, 2018 at 03:37 PM
  #8
Hi AB2371

Did I write somewhere that my wife is happy? She is not.
I hoped that with her new lover she would become happy and better towards the children, but not at all. The opposite happend.

Her stories reflect grief and sadness, but the reason for all problems in her entire life am I, according to her actual stories.

Her lover is paranoid! He writes to the court that he is full of fear before me, even though there is no reason, I never threatened him, was always friendly, wrote friendly e-mails...

My wife once told him that I have guns - and that is right, but she must told him more as he went straight to the police to tell them that I want to shoot him!

I'm in Spain, I have bought my legal guns AFTER I made a psychological test that I am sane and all the licenses necessary.
I would never ever shoot anyone with my guns, but in self-defense. I do not feel any danger coming from him towards me, I have never threatened anyone with my guns, none of those two people have ever seen them, but he went to the police that he fears I could shoot him.
The police checked my licence and then, when the court trial was taking place, I was there alone and he did not show up, so the judge had an easy decision in my favor. He was so afraid before me, he did not even come to the court where the judge wanted to evaluate the situation...

That was 3 months ago and I was not sure about what mythomania exactly means, I was sure about lot of lies, today I understand that my wife told him horror-stories what I could do to him and he simply believed that.

I have a partner. The last 3 years, I was living with my wife and a common friend, who cared about our children, helped with the family and helped to give my wife more time for herself, to make art and not bother others.

So, when my wife chased me away (including my father and my partner and her father), we moved to another place. Thus, I live with my partner, father and her father, every second week with my children as well.
I am fine. To me, this type of life is much nicer and happier than before, when everyday I had to struggle to please my wife so she would not send her hate to everyone around...

BUT I see my children suffering, that is the only motivation I have to deal with those two people.
When she chased me out, this was possible only because I thought she had a free will, as her psychiatrist told me so, so I went and hoped she would become better without me around.

I let me chase out and hoped for the situation would become better, but: no way. As always hopes invoked in me by her just made that the opposite would happen...

She must live in the constant battle against "the enemy" that is threatening her fabrications. You can imagine that ALWAYS someone threatens her fabrications by simply being alive and telling the truth.
There is no paradise for her, no situation when she can feel comfortable and safe.

I feel sorry for her, but if it was only about me, I would not want to talk a single word with her anymore. So somehow I might have even supported her lover by not making problems to him at all, not seeing that he is a weak, overgrown infant and immediately lost himself in my wife's stories and became a kind of "weapon of the unconscious evil side" of my wife.

From my point of view now, I should not went away but enforce a therapy on her as my wife and scare away any other person trying to come close to her. But for such acting I would have needed sureness that she indeed is insane and cannot decide for herself.
Today, I have this sureness only in my own point of view, but not officially and officially I cannot get it anymore as such thoughts are taken as threads against the "poor left-alone wife".

I have no grief and no sadness concering my person and my life, I would be happy if she was gone away with someone else who would use his energy day by day to keep her in a state of "somehow OK".

I have a partner, my children love my partner, have been playing with her since 2015, my old father is living with us and my partner's father is taking care about my father... nice situation, love and respect here.

From what you write about you, I am indeed more reminded on my sister. I m 10 years older than her, when she was 8 years old, I left the house of our parents, but I have tried to talk to her many times until she was about 26and after this lost almost completely the contact.
I could never "reach" her, because I always tried to explain reality to her. That is the LAST she wanted to hear from me.
When she told me her stories, I immediately tried to make her aware of the impossibility of her story, she did not want to hear that.

I remember when she told her school-mates, who mostly hated her, that when they come to her birthday-party, everyone who would stay until the end, would receive a golden rabbit.

All came, all stayed until the end and then my mother and I had to tell the school-mates that there are no golden rabbits. Stories like this led to the fact that no one wanted to be friend with her and she lied more and more to somehow attract the most "insane" people to be friends to believe her.

NPD is so very complicated to deal with, especially because the people with this condition I know do not seek any help. People with pain or many other mental conditions, like depression, do seek help, but NPD means that the person is sure s/he is the most sane person on earth and everyone saying something different is a "sick enemy" that must be "battled down with all hate possible".

AB, you seem to know that you are not "the most sane person on earth", is it that you have periods where you feel your condition somehow, intuitively know that you need help and people telling you the truth can be good people that out of love want to help you?

Do you have a partner, what happens if he/she confronts you with things you do not want to hear?

Example of me and my wife, many years ago... my wife tells me: I will make the dish-washing, you go do .... . So I go and do what was negotiated and come back and the dish-washing is not done.
I say: hey, you told me you would wash the dishes!?

She gives no answer, as if she would not hear.

I again: Darling, didn't you want to wash the dishes?

She: Why you are making me always feel inferior, what did I do to you that you must insist on completely un-important details? Haven't I suffered enough from you? You can do that yourself, no?

I again: well yes, I can do that myself, right, but we have agreed to that I make ... and you do the dish-washing! You proposed that yourself!

She: I received an important call, had to do so many other things, for YOUR sake and you always bother me with completely unimportant stuff, the **** dishes are rediculous, why you want to always fight with me... and then starts a fight about things another 5 years back supposedly happen and the only reaction is to: stop talking about this. Sometimes she then would wash the dishes in a way I would better done it myself.

and so on. As example.
As conclusion:
I can be sure that I cannot be sure about anything but that she would NEVER EVER do exactly what was negotiated. Never, as if it would be the worst thing in life to do EXACTLY what was agreed to.
Not a single time in 17 years that I know her.

The most easy things she would NOT do, instead maybe do some (less and un-important) other things or do the tasks in another way, create lot of additional trouble... I sometimes thought it is intention to NOT do what she said she would do, but today I see it different.

I think that the agreement to her has no intrisinic value, because she agrees to something, I believe her that she will do it and that is all.
An agreement is just another story, only here to make the other person believe - for some short time, ANYTHING, does not matter what. "Believe me, I will wash the dishes!" - I believe you! That it. there is no further consequence.

Later, when the fullfillment of the agreement is asked for, this is an attack to the story, a statment of DOUBT ("did you wash the dishes"). Does not matter that the dishes lay around unwashed and everyone can see that they are not washed, she does not feel obliged to wash the dishes just because she said she would.

"wash the dishes" can be anything. Whatever action an adult person agrees to do. "Drive the children to school". They come late 50% of all HER days. They never come late with me. They would come late 100% of all her days if the children themselfs would not be old enough to know it's better to come in time, so they try to make their mother be ready "in time". And fail 50% of the days.

When I tell her that this is not good for her custody-claims, she takes this as attack against her person and starts ranting on me how bad father I am and that my only intention is to make her suffer and take her children away from her.

Sorry, for explaining so in detail, I thought you might find patters of your bahavior and can tell ways to deal with that...

Thank you for your trouble and time,
best wishes
David
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Default Dec 17, 2018 at 07:14 PM
  #9
Hi David,

I have dealt with narcissistic personality disorder. In fact, I had a relative who was both paranoid and narcissistic. I could not tell her anything in private because she would try to read my thoughts and twist the story around. Your wife sounds like she is both narcissistic and paranoid. Unless she reaches out for help, there is not a whole lot you can do. You sound like you are better off without her.

According to an article from Psychology Today, she sounds like a vulnerable narcissist. My mother-in-law was one of those. She might also have paranoid personality disorder. I dealt with my mother-in-law by forgiving her all the time and having as little as possible to do with her. Those articles might be helpful for you. I wish you the best.
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Default Dec 18, 2018 at 11:35 AM
  #10
Hi Blogwriter

Thank you for the link, I will read later today.
I agree with what you write. Lot of times my wife pretended to know my thoughts and to act upon what "I want" without even bothering to ask me what I really want or think.

"I had to do that because you wanted tome to do so". "I never wanted that, why do you not ask what I want?" - and then the fight starts with lies of the past x years being renewed to not allow for any discussion...

Best wishes
David
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Default Dec 18, 2018 at 12:05 PM
  #11
I'm so sorry you're struggling, DavidJanS It sounds like your wife is going through a lot. And you are, as well. I'm so sorry. I wish I had better advice for you... I can only offer my support. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this
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Default Dec 18, 2018 at 12:35 PM
  #12
Wow this is a terrible situation for you to be in. I would tend to think she is lost her sanity to some extent and i don't even know what the problem would be called. I have to admit i am schitzophrenic myself but i don't think she would be considered that. at one point i thought i was speaking to president Bush and the Pope but that was about the extent of it until people helped me see it wasn't reality. i think i dreamt it, but it stayed with me in the day too. well i never knew someone had it as bad as you do in your situation, it must be hell for you and my heart goes out to you.i will pray and wish good thngs for you.
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Default Dec 18, 2018 at 03:48 PM
  #13
Hi Blogwriter
I read the text, but I do not think my wife is able to work with any people. She must direct everything and the people become annoyed very fast.
She uses any personal information in the most hurtung way against the person who was naive enought to tell her something about him/herself.
But she is convinced that she is a good person and does good things.

She is most of all mythimaniac, telling stories. She does not do much other things than talking about what she did, made and reached, but that is words only.

I do not think there is a senseful way to deal with her as long as she is not seeking out help for this condition...

Best wishes
David
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Default Dec 18, 2018 at 03:58 PM
  #14
Hi Avlady
Sometimes I had the feeling that my wife would not really understand her dreams to be dreams, sometimes she was telling me about what I have done to her - and later admitted that she only dreamed it. She would later use those dreams against me, anyway.

Again, my personal situation is OK, it is my children and the unfortunately necessary discussions about the things in respect to the children and it seems impossible to reach pragmatic solutions and agreements and the court simply let go for long time accepting that huge losses occure.
The court could have given me the custody and 90% of the problems would have been solved.

I have learned to NOT take words personally, not let me hurt and explain to others that my wife is insane and does not know what she is really saying and doing and try to help affected people to not feel hurt.

Thank you for all of your empathy and support. Writing about the situation helps to me to understand that I cannot do anything to improve her condition - and helps me to accept this fact.

Best wishes
David
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Default Dec 18, 2018 at 04:50 PM
  #15
Hi Mickey

Thank You,

Best wishes
David
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Default Dec 19, 2018 at 04:26 AM
  #16
Hi Mickey

I have been dealing with the problems for long time, but I did not really understand where they come from.
Surely I found lot of lies, but I have trusted that there is lot of truthful statements as well and I have not drawn the connection between the "single symptoms".

I did not understand that "always coming late" and "lying about everything" are connected. That the missing responsibility (no feeling of guilt) is connected to the extreme feeling of self-superiority.

I knew something is wrong, but I could not put the pieces together and I have not researched for the "name" of the problem. I concentrated on keeping the children as happy as possible and earning money for our living.

I can remember many times when I was near to breakdown, desparated, thought "how is it possible that she is acting/talking in such an evil way, without any wish for compromise, for common solutions. only wish to hurt and make me feel inferior?"

The day before her lover came back to split the family, April this year, she was so mean to me, I nearly collapsed. I tried to find a way for her to become better, was kind and trying my best to give LOT of caresses - and after getting "her part", she stared to rant on me and telling me 15 year old stories where I suppsedly said something wrong to her in the year 2002(!), and attacked me so hard, I could simply not believe that this is possible that anyone can be so mean to his "partner", husband.

Thanks to this, after the lover moved in, I really moved out and had no interest to help my wife with anything anymore and thought: "he can do that now!"

But, unfortunately, two weeks later my oldest daughter looked like a ghost, because the mother would force her to do all the housework and caring for her 3 siblings, so the mother and lover could have a nice time together.
When I told her: "why don't you do take him and you two depart somewhere? Give me the children and do what you want with whom you want!" - she would not care and told me that my children want to live only with her and I shall pay her money for them and let her be mother as she is the best mother in the world.
I engaged a privat detective who showed that she let my 5 years old daughter on a parking lot in the city alone in the car for 20 minutes to go around the block with her lover and smoke pot. She let the children alone on the farm, even though 1000 people of the city can watch the place and see the children to be alone.
Why she left them there alone for hours on at least 5 occasions? Because she wanted to go shopping with the new lover. But passing my children first to ME - and then go shopping when they would be safe at my place: NEVER.

Actually, it was my sub-consciousness that made me find the key! One night I dreamed that I went to my wife and in my dream I told her:"Darling, you are not depressive, you are a notorious liar!"

Next morning, I looked into the internet and found mythomania and reading about this made me shiver as ALL symptoms are met and I found that my wife is a most-fitting example for this condition. The example of an example.

Within the next week or so I started to understand, as well, that she is not responsible. The question, I was asking myself for 17 years:"is she responsible or not?" was answered: NO.

Then I started to research whether there are self-support-groups for partners of mythomanics and finally came to this forum.
On my way, I reserved the URL mythomania.info and thought about setting up some information-site just for mythomania-related talk and mutual support of affected people.

I believe there must be MANY cases like mine, where one of the partners has this condition. I think, if there are no children, the partners split within a few weeks and besides of feeling "abused and unloved" there is not much of resulting problems for most, I guess, but if there is children or money involved (mythomaniacs manage to get loans from "friends" and people around), lot of problems can occure.

I would like to make this condition more aware to "the people" so people like me could understand what is happeneing much faster, and find ways to deal with that. I think that when I would have found out more about the true condition (she told me about having Alzheimer, Astma, Boreliosis, Depressions...) while still inside a partnership, I might have found ways to motivate her to start a therapy.

But, as I found out only after we split up and there is a new lover, he has no single interest on anything, as he simply believes her everything and tries to hinder me talking with the police, accuses me of complete nonsens before court, hinders my children to come to me to "protect them", and even though he is a penyless, workless tramp and weakling, now feels as the "Terminator" and "super-hero", who heroically rescues "her lover's four children" before the bad world and the even worse father, by making completely crazy actions.

My children cannot tell their mother that they are feeling OK or even happy when they are with me.
Her lover believes my wife's stories that I am torturing HER children, locking them up, not letting them be with their mommy while they want to be with their mother only.
My children are 16/14/8/5 years. The olde two before court told that they want to be 50/50 with both parents. The lover does not respect the court decision or my children's decision, he respects only the lies of my wife to be the truth!

The lover never even tries to understand that it is impossible "locking up" 16 and 14 years old teenagers, who go to school and have contact to friends and my daughter has a boyfriend...,she was with me at my lawyer and both could call police if they would like to, as they have smartphones and speak Spanish fluently, much better than any one of us adults. There is no way to "lock them up and torture them" - still the lover believes my wife that exactly that is happaning!

The lover feels that something is wrong, but ist must be the "world outside", it cannot be his love.

With an informational website, maybe such situations could be prevented or "lovers" made aware that mythomaniacs as my wife are people where the new lover thinks "what a incredible coincidence" that such an "incredible woman" like my wife and he, the poor tramp without girlfriend, without family, the single-man, would get the chance to become a super-hero and lover of such a VIP-personality.

When I met her, she was 26years old and had no children, still I could hardly believe that "such an incredible person" would want to live with me... even though I had TWO children already (now 25/23 years old). She managed to isolate me from my first children and their mother, while we were divorced, but still in good contact.

If your "new partner" seem to be an "incredible chance", s/he might have some hidden huge mental problem.

She told me about the evil male partners she had before me and what poor victim she has been - who does not want to believe that from his new partner?

I believed her, as her new lover is believing her. Anyway, if she had four children, I would not have done what her lover did...

Thank you for giving me a place to report, think and write and understand that one day things will clear up. 13 years and my youngest daughter will be adult, so that is the maximum-time-limit...;-)

Best wishes
David

Last edited by DavidJanS; Dec 19, 2018 at 04:56 AM..
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Default Dec 19, 2018 at 05:25 PM
  #17
Have you looked up Borderline Personality Disorder?

The challenge tends to be that the person will use some things that are true and then create a story of their own choice often that they themselves begin to believe and because there is "something that is true" a person might believe them more.

Human beings are storytellers but for someone who is disordered, they go beyond just a story but need to create their own reality. These individuals live in a world of denial and if they can get someone to believe them it gives them a sense of power. They get so they know what kind of people to target too, usually they pick honest and empathetic caring people or people they know are naive.
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Default Dec 19, 2018 at 06:16 PM
  #18
I agree with open eyes, sounds like personality disorder to me. In my personal experience that’s how some people with BPD behave. They sometimes create their own vision of reality and relationships and can’t accept the reality. They also can’t keep stories straight. I am sorry you are dealing wuth this and kids are still young. My husbands ex is this way but luckily my adult stepkids are estranged from her. They couldn’t handle it. Too much drama. So sorry.
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Default Dec 20, 2018 at 05:00 AM
  #19
Hi Open Eyes
Hi Divine 1966

NPD - BPD - expressions... to my it's mythomania.

Yes,eyactly, in every story there is kernel of truth. This truth might be completly "opposite" to the story's statement, but there is always one.
And that is why people are believing because normal people never ever would add so brazen lies to a truth.
Example:
"I was talking with X and she told me that Y did those evil things". Truth is: She was really talking with X, but X said NOTHING concerning Y.
Later she calls Y and tells her that X said evil things about her. Then, X and Y to not talk with each other anymore and both are grateful that my wife open them their eyes to see how evil the other is!

One must talk with everyone to understand - but usually she talks bad about the people so they are annoyed one against the other and do not want to talkwith each other.

The whole of her family does NOT TALK with me, all hate me, because of the stories she told them. And when I try to explain, it's getting even worse because not just am I bad, the probably most evil person on earth, but I want to make my wife - the surely best and most kind person on earth - look bad as well.

Actually, the only thing that really works is not to be in contact. But in case of divorce, custody-questions and thus children, it is not possible.

My idea to post on this forum was to find out, whether there are ways to deal constructively with such people. There are no ways, as far as I understand what I learned so far.

Best wishes
David
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Default Dec 20, 2018 at 05:07 AM
  #20
Hi Open Eyes:

"These individuals live in a world of denial and if they can get someone to believe them it gives them a sense of power. They get so they know what kind of people to target too, usually they pick honest and empathetic caring people or people they know are naive."

Exactly. My wife NEEDS the people to believe her, to give her trust and empathy to get "energy". She must have complete power and does not accept any authority above her. No judge, no police, no law is more important or more powerful than herself.

The judge ruled that I have the right to see my son to his birthday and she interpreted that decision in the way that "if SHE agrees, then I can see my son" - and tried to explain her interpretation to a surprised policeman. SHe does not even care that she does not speak the language, she knows better what Spanish words mean than Spanish people.

She definately lives in "her own reality" and those people who support "her reality" being the truth, are good, partners and lovers - and those who think and say that THE reality is different to HER reality are bad, enemies.

Best wishes
David
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