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Old 01-11-2019, 09:03 PM #1
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Default The narcissistic stare after almost-no-contact

Has anyone experienced the narcissistic stare?

https://narcsite.com/2017/01/07/the-stare-2/

It's incredibly creepy. This would happen especially when I avoid being isolated by her and sit close to other people.

I've gone almost-no-contact with this person (no more calls, texts, emails) but have no choice in bumping into her from time to time. I try to stay at a distance and busy myself talking to other people so I would never be alone with her, but when I turn around, I find her staring.

How do you handle it? You can't control her actions but how do you not let it bother you when you get that creepy feeling of being watched?
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Old 01-11-2019, 09:14 PM #2
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Default Re: The narcissistic stare after almost-no-contact

It's terrible to know that someone has it in for you and that it's not a situation where you can work it out. It's tough to know what to do. You try to avoid the situation, but if you can't...
I hear you. It's a tough one.
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Old 01-12-2019, 04:52 AM #3
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Default Re: The narcissistic stare after almost-no-contact

Is this a legit thing? or just a theory? Do you know if the person who stared at you has an actual personality disorder like narcissim?
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Old 01-12-2019, 12:22 PM #4
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Default Re: The narcissistic stare after almost-no-contact

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
Is this a legit thing? or just a theory? Do you know if the person who stared at you has an actual personality disorder like narcissim?
Do you mean the narcissistic stare, is this a theory? If you google it, there are many articles/ research on the stares of people with personality disorders, including narcissists. But I don't think the term "narcissistic stare" has been officially approved in the psychology sector.

Regarding the person who actually stares at me, I am not talking about a third party in theory. This is the person who emotionally abused me for years, so yes, this is a narcissist I know personally.

In other words, I didn't jump to a conclusion that she is a narcissist just because she was staring at me. It would not be reasonable for anyone to isolate one symptom and jump to a conclusion. Sometimes, it takes years of seeing the patterns to know a person. So in my case, the person I know to be a narcissist, was staring at me.

I've been advised to build a stronger internal wall so I don't let it bother me. It's easier said than done.

Sarah, what would you do in my situation to not let something like this bother you? I know some people have thicker skins but I am not quite there yet, so please be gracious in your response.

Last edited by ennie; 01-12-2019 at 01:54 PM. Reason: add smile
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Old 01-13-2019, 03:47 AM #5
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Default Re: The narcissistic stare after almost-no-contact

Quote:
Originally Posted by ennie View Post
Do you mean the narcissistic stare, is this a theory? If you google it, there are many articles/ research on the stares of people with personality disorders, including narcissists. But I don't think the term "narcissistic stare" has been officially approved in the psychology sector.

Regarding the person who actually stares at me, I am not talking about a third party in theory. This is the person who emotionally abused me for years, so yes, this is a narcissist I know personally.

In other words, I didn't jump to a conclusion that she is a narcissist just because she was staring at me. It would not be reasonable for anyone to isolate one symptom and jump to a conclusion. Sometimes, it takes years of seeing the patterns to know a person. So in my case, the person I know to be a narcissist, was staring at me.

I've been advised to build a stronger internal wall so I don't let it bother me. It's easier said than done.

Sarah, what would you do in my situation to not let something like this bother you? I know some people have thicker skins but I am not quite there yet, so please be gracious in your response.
Thanks for clarifying I really do not know much about narcissistic people even though I may have dealt with undiagnosed people who may have had those traits. Do you have to deal with the person starring at you? Like is it possible to either avoid them altogether or severely limit contact? Can you remove yourself from them when you see they are looking at you. My only advice( and this comes after years of therapy and sobriety) is to meet their eyes with a defiant stare back even if it makes you scared sh*tless to do it, sort of like a starring contest. I do not tend to need to use my facial expressions to convey anger or defiance but when I have tried I think of how the other person is nothing to me, that they are human and I do not have to be afraid of them in order to conjure up a good stare. But this is hard to do if you have unresolved feelings and situations with this person or maybe have suffered trauma because of them. If you had asked me how I would have done this before sobriety I would not have been sure of myself or felt strong enough to do it. I guess self confidence helps with this too. I have made peace with most of my past trauma and mistakes so I feel more strength making eye contact than not making eye contact. This is extremely hard when you are in the thick of things, having an emotional "flare up" or working through some serious trauma. Its definitely easier said than done and I would never pick on someone who feels they cant stare back. To summarize, I try to fight fire with fire when I can.
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Old 01-14-2019, 01:17 PM #6
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Default Re: The narcissistic stare after almost-no-contact

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
I guess self confidence helps with this too.
Thanks Sarah! You are right, she is just a human. That realization is absolutely powerful and liberating because sometimes victims (including, and especially myself) act as their abusers are gods with some kind of special powers. They may have hypnotic powers but it's not like they can make the lightening fall on me if I were to say "No" or stare back.

Now what my counselor have been saying all along is finally sinking in:

"What's the worst she could do to you? So what if she retaliates and spread rumors about you. If some mutual friends believe her and side with her, were they really worthy to be your friends in the first place?"
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