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Bugsy5680
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Default Jul 18, 2019 at 06:47 AM
  #1
After 10 yrs of waiting for him to figure out his career while i worked, Ive decided to separate. Hes verbally and emotionally abusive. If I was a confrontational person then physical abuse would def be a factor.

I want to move out and have the means to do so, but he doesnt want to get rid of his precious cars so hes trying really hard to convince me he knows what he needs to do to fix our issues even tho he has had years to do so.

Im nervous to finally tell him im not living with him after our lease expires in sept because idk what he may do out of anger. He told a mutual friend that if i dont cooperate by going to counseling and live together for another year then hes gonna fight me tooth and nail for custody, claim abandonment etc. However FL is a no fault state and ive been taking care of the fam for over 10 yrs. I had a lawyer consult and was advised to file for divorce.

Some advice ive recieved was to move out behind his back. Others advised to tell him as soon as possible and have a friend there with you. Ive started using the gray rock method to see if he will want to live apart. Idk what to do.
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Anonymous43089
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Default Jul 18, 2019 at 01:23 PM
  #2
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bugsy5680 View Post
I had a lawyer consult and was advised to file for divorce.

Some advice ive recieved was to move out behind his back. Others advised to tell him as soon as possible and have a friend there with you. Ive started using the gray rock method to see if he will want to live apart. Idk what to do.
If you decide to move out, you should probably first consult the lawyer on whether there would be any legal ramifications to sneaking out with the kids.

As a general precaution, you should also start recording conversations that revolve around the divorce in case he starts making threats. That way, if you do need to make a quick escape, you'll have proof as to why you felt it was necessary for your safety, because he'll try to deny it. Also, you could nail him in custody court.
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Skeezyks
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Smile Jul 18, 2019 at 01:56 PM
  #3
Hello Bugsy: Thank you for sharing your concern here on PC. I see this is your first post. So... welcome to Psych Central. I'm sorry you are faced with this difficult situation. Hopefully coming here to PC can be of some comfort & support. Two additional forums, here on PC, that may be of interest to you would be the relationships forum & the women-focused support forum. Here are links to these forums:

https://psychcentralforums.com/relat...communication/

https://psychcentralforums.com/women-focused-support/

One resource you may want to check out, if you haven't already, would be the domestic violence hotline:

National Domestic Violence Hotline | Get Help Today | 1-800-799-7233

And then here's a link to a listing of domestic violence resources compiled by Psych Central staff plus links to 6 articles on the subjects of domestic violence as well as on getting out of an abusive relationship:

Domestic Violence Organizations and Resources

How to Deal with Domestic Violence

https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-ways...-relationship/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/in-an-...steps-to-take/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/6-tips...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/you-de...-relationship/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...-relationship/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

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Default Jul 18, 2019 at 04:55 PM
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I’m sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like you’ve made up your mind but you’re afraid to go through with it. I can’t tell you what to do but I do encourage you to speak with an attorney and look carefully at your decision and options to verify whether your fears are reasonable or just fears. He can threaten all he wants but that doesn’t mean he has the power to go through with it all.
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Default Jul 19, 2019 at 08:19 AM
  #5
I second the idea to get a lawyers advice. You may find out that you have legal authority to have him removed/

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