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sufferinghubby
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Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Cape Town
Posts: 1
3 yr Member
Default Jul 26, 2019 at 04:36 AM
  #1
Hi
Let me start by adding I'm new here, but figured a lot of posts are.
I've been a spouse and supporter of a newly diagnosed BDP sufferer (previously Bipolar which is apparently common)
I just need to vent at this point. I'm really low and on the verge of collapse sitting at my desk at work.
Prior to diagnosis she stopped her meds dead a few months ago which led to a bounce and was admitted to a clinic. I had to juggle kids and work and barely made it, also having to make a trip overseas for work at the same time.
My return was met with a massive confrontation about how unsupportive I was and I really struggled to maintain function, with the added stress of having sunk into depression on the trip.
Subsequently when the diagnosis was made (which had been suspected by her psychiatrist and psychologist for a while prior) it really threw her out and she felt like she was lied to. It's been a struggle for weeks, culminating in a joint visit to her psychiatrist to discuss the diagnosis and medication.
In a way it helps a little to begin understanding the reason for her arguments which escalate regardless of my reaction. Logic, reasoning, emotions have no effect. It's particularly hard coming home knowing that I am walking into a house filled with negative emotions in the evenings as that's when her mood is worst.
The other day I came home after making a special trip to pick up headboards and struggle into the house with them (she is a full time mom), had to first clean the kitchen, make supper, do homework and was ultimately met with an outburst because I had not gone through previous homework the way she wanted me to and my son did badly in his spelling test (he is 7)
I lost it. Kicked things and slammed a door which of course didn't help things, triggered her even more and brought up all her childhood memories of her abusive father which is part of the root cause.
I know many others would have reacted the same but it doesn't help the guilt afterwards and even knowing about the disorder and what it means, that it's not her, I am really struggling to remain composed and it's getting harder by the day.
I have a regular therapist and have also booked my old Psychiatrist to start anti-depressants again. ( was on them previously for another traumatic event).
My finances are in ruin after holding the family for years, my family is broken, my friends don't understand at all and the latest diagnosis is even more difficult to explain. I am physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually spent.
My spouse is unable to support herself financially. I cannot even support my household now let alone a split household. I feel trapped and overwhelmed and suicidal feelings are dominating my emotions.
I am hoping that in a few weeks I will be looking back at this post with hindsight on how much improvement there has been.... after all without hope I have nothing.
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Smile Jul 26, 2019 at 03:03 PM
  #2
Hello sufferinghubby: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. Since this is your first post, welcome to Psych Central. The borderline personality disorder forum may also be one you'll want to take a look at:

https://psychcentralforums.com/borde...lity-disorder/

And then here are links to 9 articles from Psych Central's archives. The first discusses how to survive suicidal thoughts. The next 7 are on the subject of BPD & relationships. And the ninth is on DBT as a treatment for BPD:

How to Survive Suicidal Thoughts

Roller-Coaster Relationship: Your Partner with Borderline Personality Disorder | Partners in Wellness

Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder

Living with & Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder

https://psychcentral.com/lib/couples...lity-disorder/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-...dium=popular17

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/careg...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/lib/dialect...isorder/?all=1

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

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"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
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