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Old 02-27-2019, 07:49 PM   #1
CrystalGirlx
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Trig What type of disorder do you think my ex fiance had? (huge trigger warning of abuse)

In the beginning of the relationship everything was fine. However, things started happening. I remember we were drunk and I went to a party with his friends and I apparently sat on one of his friends lap while drunk. I didn't remember, but I was mortified. I told him I have no interest in this person, but he started insisting that I wanted to have sex with this man etc. Again, I said no, I was intoxicated. This was the first major fight. Second was when he met my friends for the first time. One of my friends told him to stop because he kept going on and on about how I couldn't eat what we had ordered because I was dieting. When we got home he told me that they had their "****" together and I didn't. When I told him I found that extremely offensive, he broke up with me for "over reacting" only to later take me back.

I had bought one of those love books with the customized drawings in them with a story you got to pick. I gave it to him a night he slept over. I sleeply told him the wrong time (my clock was off) and he ended up being late for work. He started texting me I was an "fing arsehole". He also blamed me because since he was late for work, he had to ride home without the gloves he had forgotten for his motorcycle so he was cold. He went on for over an hour sending me cursing messages.

We went to a trip with some friends up to a cabin upstate. We ended up taking a cab into town and picked up smokes for someone and beer for us. I had accidently given the smokes to the other passenger in the wrong bag. He went on and on apologizing to this person saying he had told me several times to check and was so obnoxious about bringing up my fault several people told him to relax. My friends ended up saying they were heading back to the cabin, and for us to just follow them. They ended up detoring into town to get smokes again. We got stuck going through a dwi check point. He was SO mad at the fact that I had caused this, he actually just ran to his car when we had got to the cabin and was actually going to leave me there. I ran after him and got in and he literally cursed at me for almost two hours straight calling me a stupid b*** and saying even his drug addict friend wasn't so stupid. He couldn't even drive me home, he dropped me off at a bar because he was "too pissed" to deal with me. The next day I was over his house and had asked for the tickets we had gotten for a show we saw when we were down by the cabin so I could put them in the book. He ignored me, and when he saw the book he just said "ugh, yuck."

Anyway, incidents like this became frequent. He would black out and curse me out on almost a weekly basis. We he would sober up and I brought these things up he said that I was a "pathological liar" and none of this ever had happened. He left my apartment once in a rage because it smelled like smoke from my ex, and he said that he had an important life to get to and I was just a waste and a "paper pusher" so I obviously didn't care about where I lived.

I am trying to make this short, so I am just going to give a list of things that have happened now:

Took photos of everything in my purse and saved them on his computer.

Came to my job and checked the bathroom because I said there was no garbage in it,
Possible trigger:


Constant put downs mainly relating to money. "you have nothing. You are nothing. you are worthless".

Constant cheating accusations.

Went through my phone.

Would not give me a key to the house even though he wanted to try to get me pregnant. Did not "trust me". I got a key eventually. I was eventually thrown out because I lost my day job, and he didn't "trust" me alone in the house when he wasn't home.

Forced me off medication. Knew I had a horrible anxiety disorder. When I stopped medication, if I had panic attacks he would refuse to talk to me because he said I "obviously had just taken drugs". Would say "sniff sniff" or say my eyes look glassy every time we were out and I went to the bathroom indicating he thought I looked like I had just snorted cocaine. I do not use drugs.

Would tell me that people would warn him about "who I really was" or say things like "people warned me about you".

If instead of saying "my apartment" I said "my house" he would snobbishly remind me "you don't own a house".

Broke up with me once when I couldn't take it anymore and raged at him. I ended up getting pocket dialed and overheard him receiving oral sex. Says this never happened, and again I am a "pathological liar".

Would often have aggressive episodes of rage and then completely flip his mood to loving. Once we left somewhere early
Possible trigger:
He now says we were having consensual sex having a good time and due to my mental disorder I falsely accused him of sexual assault. Any fights we got into he wouldn't want me near him for at least a few hours. He would say I "gross him out" and he would actually physically push me away if I was too close to him. If I made a sexual advance he would just laugh and say "ick".

He would wake at all hours of the night to work on things. Sometimes he would wake me at 3 am to rage about something I had said that was innocent.

He would constantly believe that I was "making a fool out of him" and doing things to purposely make him look bad.

Blames me for him losing his job, his depression, and says I have "destroyed him as a man".

I am now pregnant, and this all has happened (and then some) over the course of the last three years. I left due to his abuse and now I am getting either a nice guy saying "he will be there for the child no matter what", to "it's not mine"...to "you are mentally unstable and I need to protect the baby from you".

He would fly into intense rages if I told him he was abusive. He has stated he fears for his life with me because of how unstable I am, and he loves me but he has to leave me because my "abuse" is getting to be too much for him. He tells me he tried so hard to love me but I am too mentally ill, and I just destroy men in my path.

I spoke with a therapist, and she is leaning towards bi polar and NPD. Now that I am out of the relationship and I re read all of this after not having seen this person for a while my mind is just blown with what I put up with over the last three years. I have a serious concern for him being anywhere near this child now. I am really worried about what is going to happen come the birth and him actually trying to gain custody of the child. My therapist told me that situations like this with these types of individuals are often LONG legal battles as they will most likely try to do everything in their power to hurt you.

Last edited by bluekoi; 04-16-2019 at 07:28 PM.. Reason: Add triggger icon. Apply trigger codes.
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Old 02-28-2019, 07:13 AM   #2
CrystalGirlx
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Trig Re: What type of disorder do you think my ex fiance had? (huge trigger warning of abu

If you ask him about this cabin incident three years later he doesn't find anything wrong with his behavior. He said he was going to go home, but since i wanted to stay he didn't understand what the problem was since my friends were there. He wasn't "ditching me". He has no comprehension that he was going to leave me ALONE overnight in a cabin of merely one of my MALE acquaintances. Everyone was planning on returning home. Had I not have chased after him I would have been left alone two hours away from home with someone I barely knew.

We were lost, and I kept saying to turn around. He got out of the car and tried to drag me out of it. He has told me he planned to leave me on the road to teach me a lesson about "disrespecting him" but he had planned to come back for me. He now says this never happened and I was a "pathological liar". He also says he didn't drop me off at a bar alone, he left me there because my friends were there and I didn't want to come home because we had been fighting. This did NOT happen like this. He had been cursing me out for several hours and was becoming more and more alarmingly abusive. I ended up calling my friends to come pick me up at a place near where we were driving because of how terrified I was. He had also refused to drop me home. He was the one who told me he was just going to "leave me some where".

I was also pregnant once before, but ended up miscarrying. He insisted that I had purposely miscarried the child by taking xanax, and he also believed that prior to me going to the hospital for a pre surgery check up I stopped off for sex with a man I was sleeping with. He made me IN DETAIL hour by hour go over the day I went to the hospital while he was driving me for surgery to remove the fetus. When I told him I was nervous about getting anesthesia he told me "You're a coward just like your father".

He would fly into intense rages if I told him he was abusive. He has stated he fears for his life with me because of how unstable I am, and he loves me but he has to leave me because my "abuse" is getting to be too much for him. He tells me he tried so hard to love me but I am too mentally ill, and I just destroy men in my path.

I spoke with a therapist, and she is leaning towards bi polar and NPD. Now that I am out of the relationship and I re read all of this after not having seen this person for a while my mind is just blown with what I put up with over the last three years. I have a serious concern for him being anywhere near this child now. I am really worried about what is going to happen come the birth and him actually trying to gain custody of the child. My therapist told me that situations like this with these types of individuals are often LONG legal battles as they will most likely try to do everything in their power to hurt you.[/QUOTE]

Last edited by bluekoi; 04-16-2019 at 07:31 PM.. Reason: Add triggger icon.
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Old 04-16-2019, 04:25 PM   #3
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Trig Re: What type of disorder do you think my ex fiance had? (huge trigger warning of abu

Why have you stayed with him for three years?
Possible trigger:

Last edited by bluekoi; 04-16-2019 at 07:32 PM.. Reason: Add triggger icon. Apply trigger code.
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