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Nightsong
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Default Jul 21, 2019 at 09:38 AM
  #1
There is so little information anywhere about personality disorders other than borderline, it's amazing!

Anyway, I have a question about diagnosis. I was recently (like, last week) diagnosed with avoidant and dependant personality disorders. Like I posted in the welcome forum (I'm new here, hi) it's not sitting right.

I also have bipolar 2 and social anxiety which might complicate things. But from what I understand of avoidant pd, it seems like social anxiety taken to the extreme? Where people desperately want relationships, but fear keeps them trapped?

That doesn't describe my situation at all. I mean I'm shy, but it doesn't stop me from leaving the house. I'm in group therapy right now! I drive and go to the store and sometimes even chat with strangers.

It's just that I'm not interested in relationships. Ever since I was a kid I've believed I didn't want or need friends. And every friendship I've had has reinforced that. By now, I've jettisoned every relationship but 3 (my immediate family) and am not in the market for more. Sometimes I talk to people, but if they start expecting anything I disappear.

It's not that I'm afraid. Well, I am, but not of people. I'm afraid because I know myself, and I know I'll hurt them or let them down. I have little empathy - have a hard time understanding, reading or connecting with people. I don't know how to connect with their feelings. If someone is grieving a loss, I think "well, what are you so torn up about? He was old." How can I be there for a friend when I can't empathise with them?

And it goes deeper than that. People don't really mean anything to me. Even my family, who I depend on for everything (hence dpd). If I didn't need them, would I care if they were gone tomorrow? Not particularly. Sometimes I wonder if I'm even capable of loving someone, or whether I just stick around them to make sure my own needs are met.

Which all sounds like some sort of horrible narcissist psychopath. Which I'm really not. I'm shy and sweet, would never hurt anyone. I just don't form connections with people and I don't really see that as a problem, except where it comes to living situation, but that's another story.

You can probably see where I'm going with this. I think I've been misdiagnosed avoidant when I'm actually schizoid. As another thing, I'm extremely reserved and restrained, and hardly ever show emotion. I had severe depression and anger issues growing up, as far back as I can remember. Turns out my family and teachers never even knew about it. About the only three emotions I feel are anger, fear and despair, and most of the time I can't even identify why I feel them. Depression is my predominant state (due to bipolar) but it's not sadness, really; just hollow emptiness. A numb "flat affect." The most positive emotion I feel is contentment; happiness and excitement are out of reach. I'm pretty good at pretending to be happy, but it feels like posing one of my mannequin dolls for drawing, only I'm posing my own face.

All in all, I just love being by myself. I tried to tell the psychiatrist that and he laughed in my face. "So many depressed people tell me that... but then why are you depressed?!" Sure, real helpful. Why is it then that I'm at my most miserable when with other people? Also, I consider myself asexual and aromantic. Zero interest.

Kudos if you've read this far. What do you think? Should I approach my doctor/therapist on this, and if so, how? It seems like they're pushing their therapy at the idea that I have this phobia of relationships and would feel better if I just went out and made friends, and I just don't think it's true.
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Thanks for this!
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Default Jul 21, 2019 at 03:23 PM
  #2
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nightsong View Post
I think I've been misdiagnosed avoidant when I'm actually schizoid. As another thing, I'm extremely reserved and restrained, and hardly ever show emotion.
I would get a new therapist. I think you are Schizoid. I have heard it said that Avoidants "can't" be around people but really wish they could. While Schizoids don't feel anything about not being around other people. But be advised, I find we have a lot in common but I don't consider myself schizoid. I just am a loner. I find people to be problems always. That doesn't mean that if I was surrounded my wonderful caring people who made my life better I wouldn't respond in kind.

My sister is at her wits end because i refuse to be friends with my cousins. I have told her a zillion times... it isn't anything personal I just don't see any room for them in my life and she just can't understand this... she squeaks... but their family? SO?
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Thanks for this!
Nightsong
Nightsong
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Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Canada
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Default Jul 21, 2019 at 03:53 PM
  #3
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Originally Posted by Emily Fox Seaton View Post
I would get a new therapist. I think you are Schizoid. I have heard it said that Avoidants "can't" be around people but really wish they could. While Schizoids don't feel anything about not being around other people. But be advised, I find we have a lot in common but I don't consider myself schizoid. I just am a loner. I find people to be problems always. That doesn't mean that if I was surrounded my wonderful caring people who made my life better I wouldn't respond in kind.

My sister is at her wits end because i refuse to be friends with my cousins. I have told her a zillion times... it isn't anything personal I just don't see any room for them in my life and she just can't understand this... she squeaks... but their family? SO?
Thanks! I wish I could change doctor and therapist, but unfortunately I'm stuck with them until I leave the long-term outpatient program.

I feel the same as you about just being a loner. While I think I fit the criteria for schizoid pd, I don't see it as an issue. It's just how I am. I just think, if I had the label, maybe they would understand and stop pushing. Since they think I have avpd, all their focus is on social anxiety (almost to the exclusion of depression, which is the main problem I need help with) and pushing me to be more social, get out more, do more. As if that would solve everything.

I get you completely about extended family. Just because you're related to someone doesn't mean you have anything in common!
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