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Funky79
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Member Since: Sep 2019
Location: London
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Default Sep 08, 2019 at 06:51 PM
  #1
Hi guys

I was in a singing group and met a woman there earlier this year. The group had around 50 people in it and we would get together every weekend for around 8 hours every time. I started getting to know her from around February very slowly. She was very extroverted, would voluntarily sing for everyone and thoroughly enjoyed the attention.

We exchanged details and started to send whatsapp messages etc. Her mobile phone desktop wallpaper, had a collage of different photographs of her face in different poses. When I saw it, it was a bit odd, as though someone definitely loved themselves.

She told me she was married for like 8yrs and divorced a year ago. One day, I went to walk her back to her car she told me she wasn't feeling great. When I asked her why, she said it was because her ex-husband had been stalking her and had taken photographs of where she lives and works. She then said she had a severe neck spasm, so i helped her walk to her car. Once in the car, she said she was unable to move from the stress this situation had caused her. She suddenly cried and then immediately stopped and said "i'm so sorry. I feel so embarassed". She went on to tell me her ex-husband was bi-polar and crazy. I've heard similar stories before, so I proceeded with awareness.

She would go on about how the ex-husband was smearing her name everywhere and saying things like "this girl is dangerous" to people. She would say "that is how crazy he was. He would tell people. He would lie about me and say I left him because I bedded other men, but he never had any evidence and was lying".

As I started seeing her on a weekly basis,she kept on telling me to not tell anybody about the relationship. She claimed that having come out of a relationship with someone last year, made it difficult for her so she wanted to take her time and not go too fast. By the 2nd date, we slept with one another. She told me I was the 2nd guy she had ever slept with (She is 35). By around a month, I would ask her to meet up with me mid-week and she would always make it sound like she was unsure about it. During our music group meetings, we would pretend like we were just friends and were discrete about it which I wasn't happy about. Yet she would always end up at mine on the weekend and we would have constant protected sex and when she would go home, I felt like there was an emotional disconnect from her side.

During the first 3-4 weeks, all we would speak about other than her was her ex-husband mainly. The lies he told and the mood swings he had which made their lives hell. I asked her whether her husband was caring and she would say "he was....but too much. Our balance as people was way too different". Which again made me wonder a bit.

During the week, whenever I would try to plan something with her, her way of being unsure made me begin to reduce the future planning. So I started feeling very uneasy and unsure as our relationship as we progressed further. I started to reduce planning and she then began to come my way and would ask to meet up instead.

But then she began saying things like "let's get in my car, as your car is ****". Which it isn't. But when I pulled her up on it, she said "i shouldn't have said it like that, but what i meant was why is a guy who is single driving in a car like that. I also wanted to know if you are ambitious and want to go further in life". I felt like this was utter B.S. There are a thousand ways of asking me what my ambitions are.

Later on, I asked her what she wants out of life. She said "i want a beautiful life". To which I asked for her to elaborate on and she said "i want a beautiful house, a beautiful relationship". And then went on to say "like your mind for me is beautiful, the way you treat others is beautiful, your face isn't exactly WOW but it is okay for me". I later asked why she said it like that. To which her response was "i didn't think I said anything bad. You could say what you want to me, I won't mind". I told her if I said she has a decent face, but a bizarre nose, she said "i really don't mind. I guess i have thick skin".

I felt uneasy at this point and thought I could well be dealing with someone on the narcissistic spectrum.

She would send me pictures of expensive watches that she would be trying on and ask what I thought of them. She also works at a jewellery store. So then one day she tells me because she was top sales in her store, she won over $2500 voucher from a brand of the watchmaker. She then went ahead and got that watch a month later. I was suprised that any person in sales would win such an amount. It didn't sound right.

More recently as I started seeing her more, she would stay more often. She still would keep the relationship a secret amongst outside circles. She would happily let me pay for almost everything too which although I mentioned I would like there to be some equilibrium, it went unnoticed. Not that she wouldn't invite me out, but that would mainly happen when I was annoyed.

Before heading off to a recent holiday i noticed somebody trying to message her on Instagram. I remembered his username but didn't say anything. When my trip came, I went and when i returned she told me about a story of how a man walked up to her in the store and said hello to her in our language (Italian) as if he knew her. She showed me her instagram to say "look, he also found me on Instagram and invited me to his birthday". She didn't show me the entire message trail but just the invite. I was a bit stunned as this was the same guy who had tried messaging her before my trip and she was now telling me about it. I asked her "how on earth could he find you without knowing your surname? And how did he know how to speak in your language to you?". She said she didn't understand why and thought it was very peculiar.

At this same time, I felt like she was hiding something from me. She behaved strangely with her mobile and had begun turning it face down and not leaving it in my bedroom so much. I confronted her to which she denied having had anything whilst I was on holiday. I felt like something was off.

Two weeks later, there was another situation only this time i saw an alert that clearly said "Glenn has added you to their contacts by phone number". I confronted her and she said he was a customer she had given her contacts to for when watches are out of stock or customer wants to know the packaging. I told her i believed this was all bull and that she was lying. She didn't like it and said she understands, but she said "i'm telling you the truth. I have tried and tried but you don't believe me. You don't believe a word I say".

The other day she said "what would you do if your friend came up to you and said that they had seen men walking in the street with another man?" what you do?" I just found it so strange. It's like she was planting an insecurity seed in me.



So based on what you hear so far, red flags?

Thanks a lot for looking into this
Funky
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sarahsweets
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Default Sep 09, 2019 at 02:46 AM
  #2
Red flags yes. But I do not see the narcissism part. Are there other things you can share about that?

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