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Default Jul 21, 2018 at 11:14 AM
  #1
So a few months back, I was doing research searching out my ex-stepfather molesters whereabouts. I've been tracking him for years.

Now imagine my surprise when during my last stalking session I found that his address had changed - - to my mother's address. She's back with him, the man who molested me as a teenager.

I was speechless. It's not like she doesn't know.

I have written letter after letter, only to reject it and start over again. I want to make it very clear that I will not ever see nor speak to my mother again. She doesn't love me and she doesn't respect me, obviously. I won't be attending her funeral. I want nothing more to do with her.

I you were to write such a letter, what would you say? I know one thing, she didn't just burn the bridge, she stood by laughing as it fell into the water below.

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Default Jul 21, 2018 at 01:31 PM
  #2
Maybe you could write the letter , bless it and then burn it ? It's something I've done with my T. It's so painful I know , we don't get closure from these people sadly no matter how we want it. What's going to make you feel better is what's important. Hugs if wanted.

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Default Jul 21, 2018 at 02:08 PM
  #3
Werewoman, clearly your mother is just too STUPID to have the capacity to be receptive to anything you could, or even I could write to her if I myself tried to make the effort. Honestly, there are human beings in this world that are just plain STUPID, the kind of STUPID that just can't be fixed.
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Default Jul 22, 2018 at 12:51 PM
  #4
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Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
Werewoman, clearly your mother is just too STUPID to have the capacity to be receptive to anything you could, or even I could write to her if I myself tried to make the effort. Honestly, there are human beings in this world that are just plain STUPID, the kind of STUPID that just can't be fixed.
Interesting choice of words. At one point in my letter to them - I'm writing it to both of them - I point out the abject stupidity of people who hurt kids because the day will come when the child is no longer the vulnerable one, but the abuser.

As a survivor, I won't take advantage of their stupidity, but I bet there are people who do.

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Default Jul 22, 2018 at 04:15 PM
  #5
Writing a letter is good for "you" Werewoman, it's a way for you to write down how another person's behavior hurt "you". The one who needs the healing is "you" and often the people that hurt us in some way simply are unable to be receptive to "our" hurts otherwise they would have never have hurt or betrayed us to begin with.

I could NEVER ignore it if someone hurt my daughter in the manor you have shared, and I certainly could NEVER choose this man over my daughter like your mother has. I am very sorry you have this kind of mother, you certainly did nothing to deserve that and I can't blame you for being angry. Given what your mother did, I don't think she is capable of caring no matter what is said to her.

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Default Jul 22, 2018 at 04:28 PM
  #6
I just keep repeating,"don't exist,don't exist",any time they are in
my head.
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Default Jul 23, 2018 at 08:43 AM
  #7
Maybe after I send it, I'll post it here.

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Heart Jul 24, 2018 at 09:31 PM
  #8
I am very sorry for the pain this is causing.

WTF? Why on earth would your mother get involved with him again?
How insulting toward you!

Please take very good care of yourself.


WC

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Default Jul 25, 2018 at 07:31 PM
  #9
Well, I told my siblings about it. My younger brother is in complete denial, which I expected, but I still felt I should tell him anyway.

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Trig Jul 25, 2018 at 08:19 PM
  #10
Here's the letter I sent them, in case anyone is interested.

Possible trigger:

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Last edited by bluekoi; Oct 18, 2018 at 08:01 PM..
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Heart Jul 28, 2018 at 01:40 PM
  #11
(((((( HUGS ))))))

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Default Jul 28, 2018 at 07:57 PM
  #12
This is my younger brother's response when I told him they were together again...

"what you are saying is absurd! I am quite sure that is just incorrect information put on the internet by mistake, there is incorrect information every where about every body. I just had to correct about 5 different things on my credit report, one was my son was listed as an AKA. Also they had a phone number listed that I never had! This sort of thing is rampant in information on the internet! Mom was at my house for three weeks selling her house in Bedford, she brought her cat so the cat would not be alone at her house in Colorado Springs. It is just bogus information that you saw on the internet and nothing else! They were married at one time so it is just bad info!"

It's about what I expected, actually. My older brother was not surprised but like me won't have anything to do with her anymore.

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Default Jul 29, 2018 at 02:45 PM
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((((((((( hugs )))))))))


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Default Jul 31, 2018 at 03:43 AM
  #14
Dear Werewoman.

There is a very simple reason why you are labouring in constructing an appropriate letter to your Mother....The reason is that there simply are no words to convey that kind of disgust. Please be the human voice of reason here...please don't write anything. Please don't allow those creatures anything more of yourself. They took your innocence and your trust, don't give them insight into what's in your mind...That belongs to you and you alone.

My best advice on this is for you to galvanise your resolve, and stride forward into the world...a world where you get to choose how to become the hero of your own life story.

Werewoman, I wish you joy and peace and all the very best moving into a brighter future.

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Default Jul 31, 2018 at 11:18 AM
  #15
Here's what I'm thinking. I believe that your mother is self-destructive because she hates herself. I believe that she hates herself because she is profoundly emotionally sick and doesn't want to make the necessary changes to be healthier - in part because she doesn't feel that she deserves a better life.

Unfortunately, you have been caught in the web of her sickness. If I were you, I would work on taking the focus off her - and off the jerk who molested you - and truly focus on your own well-being. It's not easy, but I suggest that you stop giving those people any attention. If they "haunt" you, or if you dream about them, see it solely as a path to bringing you back to yourself. To put it simply: let go of that old story and create a new, healthier story.
Best of luck to you.

Last edited by *Laurie*; Jul 31, 2018 at 11:30 AM..
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Default Jul 31, 2018 at 07:46 PM
  #16
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Originally Posted by *Laurie* View Post
Here's what I'm thinking. I believe that your mother is self-destructive because she hates herself. I believe that she hates herself because she is profoundly emotionally sick and doesn't want to make the necessary changes to be healthier - in part because she doesn't feel that she deserves a better life.

Unfortunately, you have been caught in the web of her sickness. If I were you, I would work on taking the focus off her - and off the jerk who molested you - and truly focus on your own well-being. It's not easy, but I suggest that you stop giving those people any attention. If they "haunt" you, or if you dream about them, see it solely as a path to bringing you back to yourself. To put it simply: let go of that old story and create a new, healthier story.
Best of luck to you.
Oh, I agree with you wholeheartedly. I know she hates herself and she projects that hatred onto me - that I've known for a long time. And I don't mean to sound defensive, but I took the focus off of her a long time ago, it's just that finding out they were together again ripped open some very old scars.
The letter was really to give a voice to my 'others'. They are not alters in the true sense, but they have their own emotions and they are, frankly, very irrational. I never let them 'out' because of this, but they needed to have their say and I'm glad I gave it to them.
As to any fallout, there won't be any. I didn't tell anyone I sent it (except for the hundreds of people who have read this ), but if anyone brings it up, like if she tells my brother, I will make it very clear that no one is to speak of her in my presence again. If they do, I will simply leave, hang up, delete...whatever. You get the idea.

For what it's worth, I've been married for 27 years, most of them good or great , I wrote my own story with a happy ending.

WW

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Default Aug 01, 2018 at 07:22 PM
  #17
Congratulations on your marriage! 27 years is truly a success. And I apologize sincerely if I came off as condescending. I didn't intend to be. I'm an intense person and it seems that intensity comes out strangely sometimes. I'm genuinely sorry about your mom. I grew up with a very challenging mother who was, at times, abusive to me. Even worse was how horribly she treated herself. Sad, sad.
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Default Aug 01, 2018 at 09:25 PM
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Congratulations on your marriage! 27 years is truly a success. And I apologize sincerely if I came off as condescending. I didn't intend to be. I'm an intense person and it seems that intensity comes out strangely sometimes. I'm genuinely sorry about your mom. I grew up with a very challenging mother who was, at times, abusive to me. Even worse was how horribly she treated herself. Sad, sad.
Intense is okay. It's a very intense topic. No apology needed.

Yeah, she's not kind to herself at all either.

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Default Aug 02, 2018 at 04:03 AM
  #19
I don't have your anger. I wish I did.

My mother still lives with my father. She never left him.

I wish I could find anger within me. All I have is self hatred.
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Default Aug 03, 2018 at 07:11 AM
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I don't have your anger. I wish I did.

My mother still lives with my father. She never left him.

I wish I could find anger within me. All I have is self hatred.
So did I at one time. The anger comes after you realize none of it is your fault. When you stop blaming yourself, you'll stop hating yourself. Or at least that's the way it went with me.

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