The Truth - Forums at Psych Central



advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 12-23-2018, 04:31 AM #1
Só leigheas's Avatar
Só leigheas Só leigheas is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Feb 2016
Location: Doing donuts in the parking lot
Posts: 4,132
Só leigheas Só leigheas is offline
Grand Magnate
Só leigheas's Avatar
Só leigheas is down in the forest.
 
Member Since: Feb 2016
Location: Doing donuts in the parking lot
Posts: 4,132 (SuperPoster!)

3 yr Member
9,673 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Trig The Truth

I'm not really sleeping, but sleeping is all I want to do. I wake up jumpy or so lost in negative feelings that I can't escape.

I opened up about something recently. I admitted that I've been abused. I thought I had admitted it before but... I don't know, maybe I'll go right back into denial. For now I'm sober, which means I have to actually deal with these feelings. Anger seems to be the most prominent, followed by disgust and deep sadness that won't lift. I figured I'll try to write things out here, though my memory is limited because of DID.

Triggering Below

I'll talk about the abuse from family later, for now I'm going to talk about what happened when I was eight. I was playing with tonka toys in the woods next to my house. I could still see my dogs, so I figured I'd be fine. Mom and dad were passed out from another night of hard drinking. So I was alone because... well I was almost always alone.

That's when he came. My neighbor tapped my shoulder, I didn't hear him approach really because I was so into my little game. I jumped and whirled around. He grabbed my wrist and then just stared into my eyes. This is when I got scared, really ****ing scared. There was something wrong with his eyes. They weren't human. They were wild and had a deep darkness to them. Oddly enough, that's what I remember the most. His eyes. I tried to get away, tried like hell, but his grip on my wrist was too tight. He pulled me to the ground.

I won't discuss details any further because I just can't. In short, he raped me. That's the first time I remember typing that. It's a really difficult thing for me to admit. Makes me feel defenseless and weak. I feel like a damn child half the time. That's why I'm starting this thread. This thread is so I can discuss things that happened that I can't hardly admit to myself.

I'll try not to delete this, this time. Thanks for reading if you did. I just don't want to feel so alone anymore.
__________________
"In time I will leave the city, for now I will stay alive."
Só leigheas is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote

advertisement
Old 12-23-2018, 11:15 PM #2
Anonymous57363
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Anonymous57363
Guest
Anonymous57363 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a

Trig Re: The Truth

[QUOTE=Só leigheas;6375551]

I am so sorry that happened to you Só leigheas. It was not your fault. You deserved peace and safety and love that day just as much as you do now. I have not experienced rape but several friends shared their stories with me. And of course, I realize that every survivor's story is unique.

I think that sharing your truth, when you feel ready and able, could be an important part of healing. Thank you for sharing your truth here on PC. If you change your mind about being open, that is okay too. You set your own time, pacing, and method for healing. Can you trust this information with a therapist for 1:1 support?

It is okay to "feel like a child half the time." I would think maybe your frightened inner child is communicating with your adult self...asking for your help. No shame in that.

You are not alone though I understand why you feel that way. I admire your courage and ability to survive through harrowing circumstances.

Again, I am so very sorry that happened to you
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 12-23-2018, 11:23 PM #3
Anonymous57363
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Anonymous57363
Guest
Anonymous57363 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a

Default Re: The Truth

Does anyone in your non-PC life know that information? Anyone you could trust? Peace and love and healing and hope to you.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 12-24-2018, 07:49 AM #4
Só leigheas's Avatar
Só leigheas Só leigheas is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Feb 2016
Location: Doing donuts in the parking lot
Posts: 4,132
Só leigheas Só leigheas is offline
Grand Magnate
Só leigheas's Avatar
Só leigheas is down in the forest.
 
Member Since: Feb 2016
Location: Doing donuts in the parking lot
Posts: 4,132 (SuperPoster!)

3 yr Member
9,673 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: The Truth

Quote:
Originally Posted by HopefullyLost1211 View Post
Does anyone in your non-PC life know that information? Anyone you could trust? Peace and love and healing and hope to you.
A few people do. Only my T knows details though.
__________________
"In time I will leave the city, for now I will stay alive."
Só leigheas is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
Old 12-24-2018, 08:13 AM #5
Anonymous55879
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Anonymous55879
Guest
Anonymous55879 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a

Default Re: The Truth

A while back (not sure when or if it was a posting or pm, we have been "talking" on and off since June 2016) you said you were raped but I had no idea how young you were when it happened. You shouldn't be ashamed. I hope talking about this will help eventually help (though it must be h*** to talk about). Thinking of you and, as always, you are in my prayers).
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 12-24-2018, 11:27 AM #6
Anonymous57363
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Anonymous57363
Guest
Anonymous57363 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a

Default Re: The Truth

Quote:
Originally Posted by Só leigheas View Post
A few people do. Only my T knows details though.
For what it's worth, I am proud of you for sharing your truth with a few folks and for trying therapy. I cannot possibly know how you feel but I imagine it must be so tough to walk around in your shoes. I hope folks respond to you with gentle compassion and dignity. Hope your T is a great one!!!

Take good care of yourself, Só leigheas You deserve it!
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 12-27-2018, 04:59 AM #7
seeker33's Avatar
seeker33 seeker33 is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Nov 2017
Location: Europe
Posts: 1,083
seeker33 seeker33 is offline
Poohbah
seeker33's Avatar
seeker33 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2017
Location: Europe
Posts: 1,083

1 yr Member
1,270 hugs
given
Default Re: The Truth

I'm so sorry Só!
Sharing this "aloud" is a huge accomplishment and a step forward! Although the topic is immensely hurtful, I'm glad that you're courageously on your path to healing.
Hugs and love to you.
__________________
Complex trauma
Highly sensitive person

I love nature, simplicity and minimalism
seeker33 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:48 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

advertisement

Psych Central Forums

Psych Central is the leading mental health website, overseen by mental health professionals since 1995.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider. .

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.
Please read the full disclaimer.