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Trig Jan 11, 2019 at 12:03 PM
  #1
Hi, i already have complex ptsd from childhood abuse. Lots of triggers, really bad. I live in a 5th wheel at a small rv park. 2 days ago i stepped out of my back door and my neghbor had taken their life. Omg i will never forget this, i dont know if i can live here anymore but cant afford to move. It's causing me great anxiety and I don't know what to do with all these emotions any panic attacks them having every time I think about going Out My Backdoor. I just really don't know how to deal with this I've never seen anything like that before.

Last edited by bluekoi; Jan 11, 2019 at 08:38 PM.. Reason: Add triggger icon.
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Smile Jan 11, 2019 at 05:24 PM
  #2
Hello aq: I'm sorry you had this difficult experience. Hopefully coming here to PC can be of some comfort & support. I see this is your first post. So... welcome to Psych Central. There is a sub-forum dedicated to the subject of cPTSD. Here's a link just in case you haven't already found it:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/complex-ptsd/

And then here are links to some articles, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may be of some help:

What Triggers You?

Coping with Flashbacks

Complex PTSD | Psychotherapy Matters

9 Ways to Reduce Anxiety Right Here, Right Now

https://psychcentral.com/lib/15-smal...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/lib/top-10-...s-for-anxiety/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

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Default Jan 11, 2019 at 05:36 PM
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aq I'm so sorry you had to deal with that
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Default Jan 11, 2019 at 06:00 PM
  #4
Hi, welcome to PC! I'm so sorry this happened. That's terrible. Kit
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Default Jan 11, 2019 at 06:32 PM
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I'm sorry. I hope being here and having support will help.
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Default Jan 11, 2019 at 08:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aq2169 View Post
Hi, i already have complex ptsd from childhood abuse. Lots of triggers, really bad. I live in a 5th wheel at a small rv park. 2 days ago i stepped out of my back door and my neghbor had taken their life. Omg i will never forget this, i dont know if i can live here anymore but cant afford to move. It's causing me great anxiety and I don't know what to do with all these emotions any panic attacks them having every time I think about going Out My Backdoor. I just really don't know how to deal with this I've never seen anything like that before.
Wish I could say something to help it go away. Sorry that you experienced that. It's like nothing else. It's not like other trauma. I feel you. You're not alone.
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Default Jan 11, 2019 at 09:27 PM
  #7
Thanks guys for your help and thoughts. Its a crazy life , im gettin used to ducking.
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Trig Jan 11, 2019 at 09:31 PM
  #8
I just dont understand the public display. He was found right in front of his camper. Outside, i olened my door and it was crazy, right there.

Last edited by bluekoi; Jan 11, 2019 at 09:41 PM.. Reason: Add triggger icon. Remove method of suicide.
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Default Jan 11, 2019 at 09:49 PM
  #9
Wow I can only imagine how bad seeing that would be. Welcome to PC

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Default Jan 11, 2019 at 10:17 PM
  #10
How truly horrible. Did you know the person at all?
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Default Jan 12, 2019 at 05:51 PM
  #11
Yes i knew him, spoke to him, but not well. I usually jist try to keep to myself and hide my crazy. But i been here 2 years , they have already seen it, lol.
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Default Jan 22, 2019 at 12:13 AM
  #12
Well - coming from someone who used to self injure in areas that others would not be able to avoid seeing .. I can guess the public display was he/she felt their cries for help were being ignored or outright shoved back at them to the point he/she knew talking was not an option. I chose self injury as my outlet in those days .. I also attempted a few times, but it was my self injuries that were public my attempts I tried to keep "semi-private". So basically .. it was the person speaking in the only way they knew how anymore
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I am sorry you found the person though. I can only imagine the effect that has on you. ❤

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Default Jan 22, 2019 at 05:04 AM
  #13
I guess your right, but i just cud have done without the additional trauma. I mean how much can a person take. I know he was hurting i just wished he cud have talked to someone. Itsjust such a tragic thing. When i have been suicidal in the past, I just wanted to take a handful of pills and locked my door and go to sleep and never wake up. I felt no need for public display . I think men and women are different in that way. Women think about the mess and the people that are left behind.
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Default Jan 22, 2019 at 05:52 AM
  #14
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Originally Posted by aq2169 View Post
I guess your right, but i just cud have done without the additional trauma. I mean how much can a person take. I know he was hurting i just wished he cud have talked to someone. Itsjust such a tragic thing. When i have been suicidal in the past, I just wanted to take a handful of pills and locked my door and go to sleep and never wake up. I felt no need for public display . I think men and women are different in that way. Women think about the mess and the people that are left behind.
I am female too, and that was actually how I did the majority of my attempts too, but bc I went thru 20yrs of people telling me "oh don't worry about it", "everybody has problems, don't be such an attention seeker", "your problems aren't really that bad I don't know why you think they are", etc when I would tell them I
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or ask where I could get help or ask if I could talk to them - I can understand if he felt like he had no way of speaking to anyone. The way I spoke was
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but after awhile even that did not work and I didn't know what to do. So I don't know if that's what he went through or not but if he did, that may have been his thinking ...

I know it will leave a horrendous memory in your mind though. For that, I am sorry. *hugs*

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Default Jan 23, 2019 at 11:17 AM
  #15
Thank you, your so sweet. I am struggling as always with a personal relationship. Acting like a raving lunatic, i dont even recognize, lol.... cant stop my crazy behavior, its worse since this happened.
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Default Jan 23, 2019 at 11:59 AM
  #16
You aren't acting like a raving lunatic. You are hurting and still reeling (understandably) from what you saw. That isn't going to just go away in a day or two or even a week or two. It will take awhile. Go easy on yourself ❤

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Default Jan 25, 2019 at 12:28 PM
  #17
Wish everyone was as understanding as you. Thank you sooo much!!
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Default Jan 25, 2019 at 12:40 PM
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Wish everyone was as understanding as you. Thank you sooo much!!
You're welcome.
*hugs*

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Default Jan 25, 2019 at 07:11 PM
  #19
Do you have a therapist you can talk through & process this suicide trauma with? I found it helps to have a professional who knows how to help to get me through traumatic things.

Definitely a horrible experience for you when already having struggles

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Default Mar 29, 2019 at 12:38 AM
  #20
My God! That had to be a horrible experience for you . I think everyone is different in how they express their pain. Some do it publically, others are more private. I'm so sorry you had to see your neighbor's public attempt. I understand how hard it is to get out of your mind. Hugs

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