Adult Child Caretay has PTSD & Elderly Parent raises voice - Forums at Psych Central



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Old 01-20-2019, 09:52 AM #1
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Default Adult Child Caretay has PTSD & Elderly Parent raises voice

My elderly parents have been very supportive of my PTSD last 2 years both financially and emotionally. But, my mother is a Narcissist. She raised her voice at me recent for first time in years and it has thrown me off. I told her she was treating me like her father did her & I didnít like it! She has punished me by taking away one of my visits to my therapist and holding a grudge etc. She is 88. I feel like Iím back to being bullied like at my last jobs for 6 years with my monthly support and therapy provided by my parents while she bullies me. It makes me furious to be controlled this way.
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Old 01-20-2019, 12:35 PM #2
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Default Re: Adult Child Caretay has PTSD & Elderly Parent raises voice

((Sippi)), I can totally relate to what you are describing. It can most definitely be triggering when someone like this gets condescending and choses to enact some kind of punishment simply because you chose to stand up for yourself in some way.

It's good that you came here and vented this challenge too. Sadly, this is how your mother tends to behave and I believe you when you describe how she genuinely believes she has a right to behave this way towards you too. Often the reality is how it isn't all your mother, but behind her is her own mother and possibly her father too, that treated her this way and this is something she began to believe is how she is supposed to behave.

My older brother was taken out to a shed anytime he failed to behave as expected. He was actually punished when instead he needed help due to his ADHD and how much he struggled with his attention span and also how he was so active too. But, how he recently explained this was it was two men standing behind him beating him, his father and his father's father and may even have also been his father's father's father too.

We often get hung up with "my narcissist parent" and how "narcissists don't know they are narcissists". Yet, often the reality can come from how a parent is themselves taught that this kind of behavior is right when as you know, it's not.

It can be very hard to "not" react the way you do, because you did experience behavior patterns that hurt you in some way, I can SO RELATE to that challenge. However, it's very helpful to learn "why" this is so and that your mother may never have the ability to change this pattern of behavior she exhibits, especially considering she is 88 years old now and often by that age people don't have the capacity to change what took years of practicing/doing in their brain.
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Old 01-20-2019, 02:34 PM #3
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Default Re: Adult Child Caretay has PTSD & Elderly Parent raises voice

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Originally Posted by Sippi View Post
My elderly parents have been very supportive of my PTSD last 2 years both financially and emotionally. But, my mother is a Narcissist. She raised her voice at me recent for first time in years and it has thrown me off. I told her she was treating me like her father did her & I didnít like it! She has punished me by taking away one of my visits to my therapist and holding a grudge etc. She is 88. I feel like Iím back to being bullied like at my last jobs for 6 years with my monthly support and therapy provided by my parents while she bullies me. It makes me furious to be controlled this way.
confused... your 88 yr old mother tells you an adult that you can not go to see your therapist?

since you live in the USA you as an adult make your own decision to whether you go see your therapist or not. if you want to see your therapist then go see your therapist.

if your parents are your transportation then call a friend and ask your friend if they can give you a ride somewhere. then pick a place close to where your therapist is and make plans for when you and the friend meet up again for the ride home. or have your friend drop you off at your therapists office and take you home.

if you dont have a friend that can transport you to the appointment, you call your therapist, tell them what is going on and make arrangements to talk over the phone or from some other place. most if not all therapists do phone sessions if their clients cant make it in to the appointment but still need to talk with them. some therapists reschedule so that in hardship situations they can go to the client at some neutral location, a park or where ever is available to their clients abilities.

my suggestion call your therapist and let them know what is going on and whether you want to keep the appointment or reschedule, and if you want to keep it make plans for how you can get to the appointment without having to rely on the parents.
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Old 01-20-2019, 04:16 PM #4
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Default Re: Adult Child Caretay has PTSD & Elderly Parent raises voice

Thank you very much for your reply! I appreciate and agree with your points, especially that my mother is doing what she thinks is right per treatment by her parents and she is not going to change at 88. So I have no clue how to handle this. I drive them to their appointments-which is where she raised her voice to shame me. Iím almost 60! I cannot deal with another bout of this and having to worry if she or my father will take away my monthly support and payment for my therapist. So, what do I do? I am so anxious after what happened 1 and 1/2 weeks ago-I cannot stop
Worrying. I donít know if I can make it through this. Itís too stressful and painful.
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Old 01-21-2019, 10:06 AM #5
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Default Re: Adult Child Caretay has PTSD & Elderly Parent raises voice

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Originally Posted by amandalouise View Post
confused... your 88 yr old mother tells you an adult that you can not go to see your therapist?

since you live in the USA you as an adult make your own decision to whether you go see your therapist or not. if you want to see your therapist then go see your therapist.

if your parents are your transportation then call a friend and ask your friend if they can give you a ride somewhere. then pick a place close to where your therapist is and make plans for when you and the friend meet up again for the ride home. or have your friend drop you off at your therapists office and take you home.

if you dont have a friend that can transport you to the appointment, you call your therapist, tell them what is going on and make arrangements to talk over the phone or from some other place. most if not all therapists do phone sessions if their clients cant make it in to the appointment but still need to talk with them. some therapists reschedule so that in hardship situations they can go to the client at some neutral location, a park or where ever is available to their clients abilities.

my suggestion call your therapist and let them know what is going on and whether you want to keep the appointment or reschedule, and if you want to keep it make plans for how you can get to the appointment without having to rely on the parents.
AmandaLouise,
I donít have any money. My parents are my sole support;therefore, they hv control over funds that support me to live and to pay for my therapist. I HAVE PTSD, you dig? Raised voices, taking things away from me, control make my situation worse and cause hyper anxiety and depression. I am asking here because I want input from those who understand my situation and circumstances. My sessions with my Therapist are over the phone. She is in private practice-she doesnít work for free. She has given sessions without pay before, and last week she said to contact if I needed her. I will do this if I need to b4 next session in a month; however, I donít believe in taking advantage of her financially, so I might have to ask her who I can call also for free therapy.
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Old 01-21-2019, 05:36 PM #6
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Default Re: Adult Child Caretay has PTSD & Elderly Parent raises voice

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sippi View Post
My elderly parents have been very supportive of my PTSD last 2 years both financially and emotionally. But, my mother is a Narcissist. She raised her voice at me recent for first time in years and it has thrown me off. I told her she was treating me like her father did her & I didnít like it! She has punished me by taking away one of my visits to my therapist and holding a grudge etc. She is 88. I feel like Iím back to being bullied like at my last jobs for 6 years with my monthly support and therapy provided by my parents while she bullies me. It makes me furious to be controlled this way.
Do you need to be controlled that way? Personally I would not tolerate it and if it didnt stop I would leave.
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Old 01-21-2019, 05:54 PM #7
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Default Re: Adult Child Caretay has PTSD & Elderly Parent raises voice

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Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
Do you need to be controlled that way? Personally I would not tolerate it and if it didnt stop I would leave.
Does anyone here understand or have PTSD? Iím unable to work with anyone because of it. Of course I donít need or want to be controlled that way. Thatís why Iím posting here! Homelessness and losing my home is not any better than being controlled like that. Thatís why I feel trapped.
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