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Question Feb 09, 2019 at 11:51 PM
  #1
(Hope you don't mind that I also posted this in the depression section...I don't always know the best thread to choose)

Hello PC friends,

recently I experienced something traumatic. I am not comfortable sharing the details publicly. This experience involved a great deal of loss, fear, violation of privacy, and stress. For a while, I felt numb or entirely empty. Now I have this odd feeling that I am not living within my body. I realize how strange that sounds. It is not easy to convey. Best I can explain is that my mind or spirit or soul (whatever you call that which propels us from one day or moment to the next) has left my body. It's there somewhere. Watching what happens from a short distance. It's bizarre and disconcerting...more than that...the feeling frightens me...like my own Self has walked away from me. What's my point? If you have an e-hug or a supportive thought to share, I would welcome that. I feel scared and very much alone. I reached out to two non-PC friends who really let me down in this crisis. My family is far, far away.

Thank you for reading. I send all of you peace and positive energy.

Last edited by Anonymous57363; Feb 10, 2019 at 12:32 AM..
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Default Feb 10, 2019 at 01:20 AM
  #2
I'm sorry for what you are going through. I've had that feeling before and it is indeed disconcerting and frightening. I really don't have much in the way of advice just wanted you to know you aren't alone and if you are like me it will pass. It just might take some time.

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Default Feb 10, 2019 at 03:00 PM
  #3
I've felt like that too, and kind of have for several months now. Sometimes I don't even know if I control my own body any more.
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Default Feb 10, 2019 at 04:20 PM
  #4
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Originally Posted by SorryShaped View Post
I've felt like that too, and kind of have for several months now. Sometimes I don't even know if I control my own body any more.

How do you deal with it? Just ride it out?
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Default Feb 10, 2019 at 04:35 PM
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Originally Posted by Raindropvampire View Post
I'm sorry for what you are going through. I've had that feeling before and it is indeed disconcerting and frightening. I really don't have much in the way of advice just wanted you to know you aren't alone and if you are like me it will pass. It just might take some time.
Thank you for reading and taking the time to write. That helps me. I wish you well
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Default Feb 10, 2019 at 06:35 PM
  #6
((HL)), sorry you are experiencing this, sounds like whatever you experienced left you feeling shock/freeze and it's going to take you time to realize first "yes that actually did happen" and then begin to process whatever it is. You do not have to react when something happens like this, it's ok to step back and slowly come to a point where you can begin to process whatever it is.
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Heart Feb 10, 2019 at 06:45 PM
  #7
That sounds like excellent advice to me. To do that would put you in control a little more.
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Default Feb 10, 2019 at 06:46 PM
  #8
I don't have any advice, but I'm sorry you are feeling this way.
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Default Feb 10, 2019 at 07:00 PM
  #9
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Originally Posted by HopefullyLost1211 View Post
How do you deal with it? Just ride it out?
I don't directly deal with it at all. I do things that make me aware I am in control, primarily yoga, but other exercises and classes that I enjoy too, and it seems like life is more real and less surreal for at least a while each time. I skipped exercise today and don't feel ok at all, but I'm having to hide it from those around me because I know they won't understand it. If they asked, I'd say, but I'm not volunteering. I did cook, and that was odd, but the results were good
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Default Feb 10, 2019 at 11:42 PM
  #10
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Originally Posted by SorryShaped View Post
I don't directly deal with it at all. I do things that make me aware I am in control, primarily yoga, but other exercises and classes that I enjoy too, and it seems like life is more real and less surreal for at least a while each time. I skipped exercise today and don't feel ok at all, but I'm having to hide it from those around me because I know they won't understand it. If they asked, I'd say, but I'm not volunteering. I did cook, and that was odd, but the results were good
Thank you for sharing your truth. I am sorry you are going through that but your strategies sound wise. I can relate to not feeling free to share with others...one of the major reasons I joined PC. Take good care of yourself, SorryShaped!
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Default Feb 10, 2019 at 11:46 PM
  #11
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Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
((HL)), sorry you are experiencing this, sounds like whatever you experienced left you feeling shock/freeze and it's going to take you time to realize first "yes that actually did happen" and then begin to process whatever it is. You do not have to react when something happens like this, it's ok to step back and slowly come to a point where you can begin to process whatever it is.
Thank you for this OpenEyes. I am going to keep that in mind as I move forward. Rome wasn't built in a day! Peace to you
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Default Feb 10, 2019 at 11:47 PM
  #12
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Originally Posted by downandlonely View Post
I don't have any advice, but I'm sorry you are feeling this way.
Thank you for the empathy D&L. I hope you are well
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Default Feb 11, 2019 at 02:48 AM
  #13
I'm very sorry about what happened to you! :-(
This sounds like depersonalisation /derealisation. It happens to me, too.
What I find most helpful is reconnecting with my senses. Mainly exercise, walk in nature, yoga, touching things and feeling the material, texture, temperature... You can use your smell and touch.
When this doesn't work I simply accept dissociation is just a protective mechanism of my brain and it will go away eventually. I remind myself it's just a symptom of trauma and nothing bad will happen to me, I'm safe and capable of functioning even when I don't feel like it. Usually just thinking and accepting this makes me feel better.

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Default Feb 11, 2019 at 11:13 AM
  #14
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Originally Posted by HopefullyLost1211 View Post
Thank you for sharing your truth. I am sorry you are going through that but your strategies sound wise. I can relate to not feeling free to share with others...one of the major reasons I joined PC. Take good care of yourself, SorryShaped!
Take care of you, too! Sometimes, I let life wash over me like a dam bursting forth. I swirl and spin and flail about until it all settles into a small pool of me and the debris that came along. I find that it's ok to relinquish control to the waves sometimes and go with whatever flow there happens to be. I can't be in control of everything.
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Default Feb 11, 2019 at 11:27 AM
  #15
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Take care of you, too! Sometimes, I let life wash over me like a dam bursting forth. I swirl and spin and flail about until it all settles into a small pool of me and the debris that came along. I find that it's ok to relinquish control to the waves sometimes and go with whatever flow there happens to be. I can't be in control of everything.
That is a very helpful outlook, SorryShaped. I could not feel in control now even if I wanted to...things are going to be stormy for a while. Do you write poetry? You have a beautifully poetic way of expressing your thoughts.

I really appreciate the poem below because this is how I aim to get through life...not easy but I do my best. You sound like you practice mindfulness so perhaps you'll enjoy this message too. Thanks again!

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

— Jellaludin Rumi
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Default Feb 11, 2019 at 11:39 AM
  #16
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Originally Posted by seeker33 View Post
I'm very sorry about what happened to you! :-(
This sounds like depersonalisation /derealisation. It happens to me, too.
What I find most helpful is reconnecting with my senses. Mainly exercise, walk in nature, yoga, touching things and feeling the material, texture, temperature... You can use your smell and touch.
When this doesn't work I simply accept dissociation is just a protective mechanism of my brain and it will go away eventually. I remind myself it's just a symptom of trauma and nothing bad will happen to me, I'm safe and capable of functioning even when I don't feel like it. Usually just thinking and accepting this makes me feel better.
Thank you Seeker. Do you know of a good resource to read about depersonalization/derealisation? I think it might feel less disturbing if I understood what's happening. It's certainly not constant (I don't know if it's constant for anyone) but it comes and goes and I do not like it.

Your strategies sound like good ones. I will try those. Thanks again and peace to you
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Default Feb 11, 2019 at 12:50 PM
  #17
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Originally Posted by HopefullyLost1211 View Post
Thank you Seeker. Do you know of a good resource to read about depersonalization/derealisation? I think it might feel less disturbing if I understood what's happening. It's certainly not constant (I don't know if it's constant for anyone) but it comes and goes and I do not like it.

Your strategies sound like good ones. I will try those. Thanks again and peace to you
Unfortunately I don't remember any specific resource, I came across it randomly when reading about trauma a forums. I learned that many people with trauma have it and my therapist told me so, too. She said that our brain chooses to derealise when the reality is too stressful so the brain goes to a "safe" place. That's a protection so we don't get crazy. Something like "flight" response of our mind when we can't escape physically.

It makes perfect sense to me and I find comfort in understanding it that way.

My therapist told me to practise being mindful of my physical senses as much as I can, She also said derealisation is a learned response and it can be unlearned by practise.

I hope you find it helpful, too

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Default Feb 11, 2019 at 02:40 PM
  #18
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Originally Posted by HopefullyLost1211 View Post
That is a very helpful outlook, SorryShaped. I could not feel in control now even if I wanted to...things are going to be stormy for a while. Do you write poetry? You have a beautifully poetic way of expressing your thoughts.


I really appreciate the poem below because this is how I aim to get through life...not easy but I do my best. You sound like you practice mindfulness so perhaps you'll enjoy this message too. Thanks again!


The Guest House


This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.

meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.



— Jellaludin Rumi
That's beautiful.
I do write, but haven't in a few months because I haven't been able to live in my own apartment due to renovations. I have an unfinished autobiography, two novella, and countless prose and poems in all states of completion. When I write, it all comes out at once in a fury of several things at once.
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Heart Feb 13, 2019 at 01:18 PM
  #19
THANK YOU so much to everyone here for reading and sharing and inspiring! I try to reply to each poster one by one but sometimes I am slow. I am not sleeping well lately so I wake up feeling fractured and distracted.

There are some really valuable ideas from you folks here. Plus your empathy means more to me than I can convey in words. I hope this message finds you all well. If not, I hope you can find the resources and support you need. Please know that I am wishing each of you peace, positive energy, and hope. Take good care of yourselves.

This may sound silly but I found this in a fortune cookie a while ago and I kept it and during times of crisis I read it to myself:

The stars appear every night in the sky. All is well.

I find that when life is perplexing and painful, looking to nature can be very powerful and comforting.
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Default Mar 16, 2019 at 11:00 AM
  #20
This happened to me and it was so scary. It first happened when I was abused as a child and disassociated from my body to escape the abuse; I used to say "I feel not real" to my mom (my step dad was the abuser).As an adult, about 8 years ago several events triggered my childhood trauma and I actually remember the feeling of leaving my body. We were at the beach, riding bikes and I felt like I was watching my body ride the bike from a distance. For me, this feeling came and went for quite awhile. It accompanied a severe depression. I haven't felt this way in years but I'm sorry you're going through it and hope you're feeling better soon. I think meds and therapy were helpful when I went through it.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Anonymous57363 View Post
(Hope you don't mind that I also posted this in the depression section...I don't always know the best thread to choose)

Hello PC friends,

recently I experienced something traumatic. I am not comfortable sharing the details publicly. This experience involved a great deal of loss, fear, violation of privacy, and stress. For a while, I felt numb or entirely empty. Now I have this odd feeling that I am not living within my body. I realize how strange that sounds. It is not easy to convey. Best I can explain is that my mind or spirit or soul (whatever you call that which propels us from one day or moment to the next) has left my body. It's there somewhere. Watching what happens from a short distance. It's bizarre and disconcerting...more than that...the feeling frightens me...like my own Self has walked away from me. What's my point? If you have an e-hug or a supportive thought to share, I would welcome that. I feel scared and very much alone. I reached out to two non-PC friends who really let me down in this crisis. My family is far, far away.

Thank you for reading. I send all of you peace and positive energy.
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