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Old 02-12-2019, 10:21 PM #1
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Default Started EMDR, got distracted...

T and I started EMDR yesterday. He was so sensitive and attentive knowing that I had a bad experience with it before. He asked if it was OK to pull his chair up to mine and I said yes. He said he wanted to try the tapping instead of the eye movements and I told him I would prefer the tapping anyway. I spent most of my life terrified of men. I had a priest in college help me get to where I could function around men without going into an instant PTSD meltdown. But then when I went to graduate school I was too far away for the priest to keep helping me (but he has allowed me to keep in touch). I got married which has been a mixed bag... there are some ways I feel very safe with hubby and many ways I donít. Even the priest never sat that close to me even though we hugged. So other than my husband I havenít had a safe man that far into my personal space or touch me other than quick hugs. I guess I hadnít thought about it. T was very cautious to be sure I felt OK with him there but I guess neither of us thought about the feelings that feeling safe would bring up. So, even though we were doing really safe stuff with the EMDR (building a container) I kept crying. I just wanted to stop and feel what it felt like to not be afraid, to not be in pain, to not have my heart racing. I just wanted to sit there and feel ďnormalĒ. I couldnít put words to it so we just kept going with the EMDR. Feeling him touch my leg and not instantly cower and crumble in terror and pain was another new thing I guess we didnít plan for. I knew I felt safe enough with T to be OK doing the EMDR but never thought about what feeling safe might bring up, or just the novelty of feeling it and wanting to stay in that space.
Yes, I told T in an email what I had been thinking and feeling. As always he was super supportive while still encouraging me to grow. He has committed to continue to affirm me in writing/emails until I have the courage to say what I am feeling in the moment. I have never had a male T before (lots of female Tís) I didnít expect him to be so gentle, empathetic... well... so safe.

Anyone else have unexpected positive things come up from working with a T they trusted? I kinda expect to get triggered at points in therapy but didnít expect to have to work through the positive feelings too.
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Old 02-12-2019, 10:49 PM #2
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Default Re: Started EMDR, got distracted...

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Originally Posted by Omers View Post
T and I started EMDR yesterday. He was so sensitive and attentive knowing that I had a bad experience with it before. He asked if it was OK to pull his chair up to mine and I said yes. He said he wanted to try the tapping instead of the eye movements and I told him I would prefer the tapping anyway. I spent most of my life terrified of men. I had a priest in college help me get to where I could function around men without going into an instant PTSD meltdown. But then when I went to graduate school I was too far away for the priest to keep helping me (but he has allowed me to keep in touch). I got married which has been a mixed bag... there are some ways I feel very safe with hubby and many ways I donít. Even the priest never sat that close to me even though we hugged. So other than my husband I havenít had a safe man that far into my personal space or touch me other than quick hugs. I guess I hadnít thought about it. T was very cautious to be sure I felt OK with him there but I guess neither of us thought about the feelings that feeling safe would bring up. So, even though we were doing really safe stuff with the EMDR (building a container) I kept crying. I just wanted to stop and feel what it felt like to not be afraid, to not be in pain, to not have my heart racing. I just wanted to sit there and feel ďnormalĒ. I couldnít put words to it so we just kept going with the EMDR. Feeling him touch my leg and not instantly cower and crumble in terror and pain was another new thing I guess we didnít plan for. I knew I felt safe enough with T to be OK doing the EMDR but never thought about what feeling safe might bring up, or just the novelty of feeling it and wanting to stay in that space.
Yes, I told T in an email what I had been thinking and feeling. As always he was super supportive while still encouraging me to grow. He has committed to continue to affirm me in writing/emails until I have the courage to say what I am feeling in the moment. I have never had a male T before (lots of female Tís) I didnít expect him to be so gentle, empathetic... well... so safe.

Anyone else have unexpected positive things come up from working with a T they trusted? I kinda expect to get triggered at points in therapy but didnít expect to have to work through the positive feelings too.
That is a really wonderful thing to hear! So glad you had a safe feeling!
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Old 02-13-2019, 02:16 AM #3
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Default Re: Started EMDR, got distracted...

That sounds super intense. So glad you have a trustworthy T.
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Old 02-13-2019, 05:40 AM #4
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Default Re: Started EMDR, got distracted...

Yes, I am very fortunate to have finally found a good T for me. I think he feels bad for not catching it because we were both focused on the EMDR. He just finished his training in EMDR and I think I am the first client he is trying it with... nothing like jumping into the deep end right off!
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Tired, broken and wearing rags
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