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MoxieDoxie
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Default Feb 23, 2019 at 06:08 AM
  #1
Today my therapist explained implicit memories and what happens to me in my type of flashbacks. I had a hard time understanding what is called emotional flashbacks.

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When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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Default Feb 23, 2019 at 04:22 PM
  #2
This might help you ((Moxie))


Pete Walker, M.A. Psychotherapy
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Default Feb 24, 2019 at 06:15 AM
  #3
So hard to believe that is what happens. I was in that state for 2 days. I was on crisis lines, I was planning my suicide, I was throwing up.....I finally contacted him Wednesday night my email. He called me in the morning and got me an appointment that day. My mind believed he could not help and nothing could ever help me that all this was will never end, everything was hopeless. Not sure how but he managed to un-trigger me. Just so odd how him really addressing a the child part and us working together to bring her into the light helped. He even gave me one of those silicone support bracelets that Earth-Water-Air-Light on it and it glows in the dark. So stupid but that bracelet was like magic. He said when this starts to happen to feel the bracelet and bring that part here in the office in our minds. I felt a release in me happen. Much lighter. When I left there I was shivering and could not get warm. I had the car heat cranking. That night I slept like a rock. The next day I felt like I went through a battle but I was clear. I was able to get things done. No stupid need to kill myself, no flooding of excessive negative thoughts or worries. It is so weird and dangerous for me. He tried to explain that for PTSD there are implicit and explicit memories. Combat PTSD are manly explicit but for those with trauma at a young age they are mostly implicit.

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When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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Default Feb 25, 2019 at 10:27 AM
  #4
Yes, I know what you are describing (((Moxie))), I have experienced this challenge myself and I know how debilitating it can be. The important thing to slowly realize is that you have somehow been triggered, that this trigger is causing you to relive a past childhood experience and that even though you can feel so "unsafe" you are actually not that child in the now, but instead you are just feeling that way and it will pass. ALWAYS remember Moxie, that when you experience these impulses for suicide that they ALWAYS pass, just like the flashbacks. I cannot stress enough that PATIENCE with self is very important Moxie. Even in the article I posted explaining emotional flashbacks, that is what is discussed as being very important as you need help processing and healing and it's ok if you don't know what to do, but you ARE learning that you CAN wait these experiences with flashbacks out, they DO go away. With time these flashbacks will grow weaker, remember that, it's important ok?
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Default Feb 25, 2019 at 08:34 PM
  #5
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Yes, I know what you are describing (((Moxie))), I have experienced this challenge myself and I know how debilitating it can be. The important thing to slowly realize is that you have somehow been triggered, that this trigger is causing you to relive a past childhood experience and that even though you can feel so "unsafe" you are actually not that child in the now, but instead you are just feeling that way and it will pass. ALWAYS remember Moxie, that when you experience these impulses for suicide that they ALWAYS pass, just like the flashbacks. I cannot stress enough that PATIENCE with self is very important Moxie. Even in the article I posted explaining emotional flashbacks, that is what is discussed as being very important as you need help processing and healing and it's ok if you don't know what to do, but you ARE learning that you CAN wait these experiences with flashbacks out, they DO go away. With time these flashbacks will grow weaker, remember that, it's important ok?
Yeah I am learning that and learning to recognize another issue that T says is a child part taking over. Just hard for me to believe. All those years of me thinking I am having a low blood sugar attacks and complaining to the doctors and getting blood work has been this child part taking over. When I stop what I am doing and talk to this part and take care of it like a caring parent that shaking, sweaty, passing out feeling goes away within a few minutes. I just refused to believe that in session today.

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When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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Default Feb 27, 2019 at 09:26 PM
  #6
Yes, I found this experience very disturbing, unbelievable that things I had experienced so many years ago could actually take over in the now and I genuinely experience something that happened so many years ago and I become that child. It really frightened me so I can totally understand your feeling so confused about it. I am glad to hear you are getting help with this and you are gaining on your ability to identify when it's happening and have even found ways to ground yourself and calm yourself down, that's really good (((Moxie))).
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Default Mar 04, 2019 at 04:04 PM
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Interesting. Does implicit triggering ever happen with combat PTSD? I have had some similar experiences to this, but am not really sure if this is possible with combat PTSD or something else.

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So hard to believe that is what happens. I was in that state for 2 days. I was on crisis lines, I was planning my suicide, I was throwing up.....I finally contacted him Wednesday night my email. He called me in the morning and got me an appointment that day. My mind believed he could not help and nothing could ever help me that all this was will never end, everything was hopeless. Not sure how but he managed to un-trigger me. Just so odd how him really addressing a the child part and us working together to bring her into the light helped. He even gave me one of those silicone support bracelets that Earth-Water-Air-Light on it and it glows in the dark. So stupid but that bracelet was like magic. He said when this starts to happen to feel the bracelet and bring that part here in the office in our minds. I felt a release in me happen. Much lighter. When I left there I was shivering and could not get warm. I had the car heat cranking. That night I slept like a rock. The next day I felt like I went through a battle but I was clear. I was able to get things done. No stupid need to kill myself, no flooding of excessive negative thoughts or worries. It is so weird and dangerous for me. He tried to explain that for PTSD there are implicit and explicit memories. Combat PTSD are manly explicit but for those with trauma at a young age they are mostly implicit.
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Default Mar 04, 2019 at 04:27 PM
  #8
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Interesting. Does implicit triggering ever happen with combat PTSD? I have had some similar experiences to this, but am not really sure if this is possible with combat PTSD or something else.
Most memories of real events are a combination of implicit and explicit memories - the implicit aspects are to do with feelings, sense memories, non-conscious and subliminal experiences, movements and embodied actions etc and the explicit memories are the conscious things you can give a name to. Generally, the explicit memories for any vividly experienced phenomenon are just the tip of the iceberg, the implicit memories are the ones that last longest and that are triggered by experiences, feelings and sensations (sub consciously).
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Default Mar 05, 2019 at 05:39 AM
  #9
Apparently implicit memories are preverbal....before the age of 4. How the hell do you heal preverbal trauma?

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When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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Default Mar 05, 2019 at 06:29 PM
  #10
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Apparently implicit memories are preverbal....before the age of 4. How the hell do you heal preverbal trauma?
The other way round, preverbal memories (ie memories from before the child has fully developed speech) are largely implicit (although children are learning some language from <2), but you have implicit memory throughout your life, it's a deeper mode of remembering (or set of modes to be precise as it has several components) than declarative or explicit memory (which relies on conscious forms of representation such as language and symbols). So any event that affects you on the level of senses, feelings and embodied memory creates implicit memory.

How you heal it, in my view, is by tapping into embodied and non-verbal forms of expression (e.g through art, psychodrama, music, activities, dance etc) and then using explicit forms of representation (eg writing, symbolisation) to help make sense of and work through them, while at the same time practising distress tolerance techniques in order to get through each day while doing this.

e.g. my art therapist helped me understand that when I paint it's like I'm tapping into that small child trying to be heard but not yet able to speak in words, and translating it through my own creative skills into forms I can start to make sense of.
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