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Old 03-11-2019, 07:33 PM   #1
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Trig Found out my Dad was a monster. Much worse than I thought

Iím feeling hopeless, not sure what is happening. I found out a few days ago that my dad was a
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He has been dead a while now but finding this out has completely rocked my world. I am holding on by a thread and feel like Iím going to have a nervous breakdown

Last edited by bluekoi; 03-11-2019 at 07:36 PM.. Reason: Add triggger icon. Apply trigger code.
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Old 03-11-2019, 08:11 PM   #2
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Heart Re: Found out my Dad was a monster. Much worse than I thought

Hello Ckotrady: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I noticed this is your first post. So... welcome to Psych Central.

I'm sorry you are having to deal with such difficult information. I can only imagine what this must be like for you. I guess the only thing I can offer with regard to this is that the person your father was does not affect the person you are.

I don't know if you've considered talking this through with a counselor or therapist. Sometimes having the opportunity to talk things through at-length & in-depth with an objective person can be helpful. At least from my perspective, I think the thing you probably don't want to do is to keep how you're feeling bottled up inside. That can be a prescription for ongoing sadness in my experience.

Coming here to PC can certainly be of help too. There are lots of caring, compassionate members here. So please do keep posting. I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
Speak only if you can improve upon the silence.
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Old 03-12-2019, 07:33 PM   #3
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Default Re: Found out my Dad was a monster. Much worse than I thought


Welcome to the PC forums. I am so sorry you are finding this out about your father, it's something that anyone would find very hard to process and deal with. Please know that what ever your father did has nothing to do with you other than you are related to him.

Take it slow and do your best to talk this out so you can process it and continue to have your own life despite that bad path your father chose to take in his life.
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Old 03-12-2019, 11:45 PM   #4
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Default Re: Found out my Dad was a monster. Much worse than I thought

Hello Ckotrady3. I am so sorry to hear of your truth. How disturbing and frightening for you! I know you are traumatized and currently in shock but do you have a sense of what could bring you comfort? Of course, nothing can change the information but what do you suppose could help you to move forward? Sometimes we know what we need when we reflect.

I agree with the comments and suggestions of Skeezyks and Open Eyes.

Again, I am so sorry for your anguish Perhaps continuing to post and share on PC could help?
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Old 03-18-2019, 01:36 PM   #5
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Default Re: Found out my Dad was a monster. Much worse than I thought

I am sorry that you learned of this. it couldn't have been easy.

my father was an evil SOB. very much so. acted on his beliefs in a very public manner. I was not alive when he did all of this..but was I was around when survivors would come around and curse him out, spit and wish him (and us ) dead. as a child I never made the connection, that didn't come un til much later.

now it is just part of my history. something he opted to do, not me. if anything it gave me guidance on how I wanted to be, how I wanted to live. his actions are not my actions. I have no worries of becoming him.

perhaps take that into your heart. what he did was his choice. not yours. even the worst on earth have parents and kids. you said he has been dead some time, which is i'm assuming good. my advice...find something that can become your passion. make a name for YOU. be it rescuing dogs, painting, making the best cupcakes, what ever calls to you, but do it the best you are able to..and be PROUD.

therapy would be nice. because some day someone will say.."hey is your father....." prepare a stock answer. yes he was & that's enough. end of story.

like I've said don't let their story become your story. life is too short to be trapped into that. fight until you find your path & then wander and enjoy!
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Old 04-28-2019, 01:56 PM   #6
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Default Re: Found out my Dad was a monster. Much worse than I thought

Iím very sorry. Thatís awful. I have no words. Many on pc are kind and genuine people, and we are here to listen. I also suggest seeing a therapist if you havenít already. Gentle hugs if ok. Please keep posting if it might help at all.
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Old 05-04-2019, 04:44 AM   #7
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Default Re: Found out my Dad was a monster. Much worse than I thought

I understand how scary and heart wrenching finding this out must be - possibly even like the floor disintegrating beneath you as you stand atop it. This is one of the very few times I cannot say I can relate on a significant level - but I do understand what it is to know "yes my dad did things much more terrible than other dads" and then wake up and realize he actually did something a hundred times worse than you thought it was.

Now - I don't know if how I described you might be feeling is truly how you feel or not. I could imagine you feeling that way though. Am I right? Or do you feel something altogether differently?

I know if it were me finding this out about my Dad .. probably the thing that would upset me most is the amount of cruelty that must have been present in him and wondering why.

Curious though - what is it that upsets you most? Everything about it is bad, yes. But when you think on it - what is the thing that you find yourself focusing on most?

I once watched a Dr Phil show based upon this same subject. A daughter never knew all the horrid things her father did - because he was one person when he was with her, and a completely other when he became the monster the public heard about but could never find. Then - one day, the cops showed up at the door - and that's how she found out.

People treated her differently after that. Some with more compassion. Many with cruelty.

Took her a long time, but she came to understand she is not her dad. She is not responsible for his actions. She has her own life. She actually wrote a book about her journey.

Her story may be beneficial to you.

Here is a video of the interview

Here is a link to her book
A Serial Killer's Daughter: My Story of Faith, Love, and Overcoming

I am not trying to promote her - but rather to promote you to the happiness you deserve. ❤
Life is not measured by the amount of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away
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