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Old 03-23-2019, 08:50 PM #1
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Trig My story *tw*

Trigger / I dont remember much before the age of 8. I do know when I was 8 I began to be very triggered about sexual things even if they were trival. I was in a constant anxious state. So much that I only slept and ate so I didnt have to feel any anxiety. I told my mother that I wanted to die and that is when she got me psychiatric help. I was having all these sexual feelings and fears and anxiety but I wouldnt tell my therapist about it. So my mom pulled me out of therapy and upon leaving my chart read suspected sexual abuse. I still continued feeling awful. I was being made fun of by the kids at school for being sexually active with the other children. Only the kids that were interested in sexual activity played with me. Things just got worse and I was cussing my parents and having all kinds of deviant desires. I was a mess. My mom had, had enough and pulled me up to a local orphange and said get better or get out. I cried because I didnt want to leave my family. I decided I would pretend to be ok. My mother was very emotionally abusive. She made fun of me and put me down every chance she got. We didnt have alot of food and my father was a drinker. My parents split when I was 11 and my mother immediately went into another relationship. We hit it off well. Then one day my mother told him not to like me. That I was not the one to like my sister was so then he started to be emotionally abusive. I never understood why my mother did not love me like she loved my sister. I have had a flashback of innappropriate kiss my father gave me although I cant tell what age. He has also been inappropriate with me as an adult. When I got older age 19 things turned for the worst and I tried to commit suicide. I was diagnosed with Pedophilia OCD and was in the hospital for one month. I have since been diagnosed with PTSD, a Dissociative Disorder, etc. Its been a hard road although I am thankful not as hard as others. End trigger
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