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Old 04-16-2019, 07:39 PM #1
PinkRobots PinkRobots is offline
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Default First Time Hallucinating

While I've experienced the milder aspects of recalling memories, last night was one of the most bizarre experiences I've ever had and it came out of nowhere. I don't even know if this comes with the territory of PTSD but I was hanging out at the bar with my older sister. While sitting at the bar by myself, the people beside me started asking me questions and they were behaving incredibly strangely. I remember immediately thinking that I was in danger and needed to leave. I went to go talk to my sister to convey to her that I needed to leave and as I was explaining the two men, I realized that the section of the bar that I had left to go talk to her wasn't there and looked nothing like the rest of the bar and the men weren't there. I started panicking and I refused to walk by the bar to leave. When she eventually calmed me down and we left I found no sign of them and some people we came with were there instead of any of the people I remembered seeing. I have no recollection of where I was but only after realizing that it wasn't real was I acutely aware of the differences in the spaces I had been in. It was like I was teleported to another world temporarily. Is this something I should be afraid of or is this fairly common for flashbacks.

I remember that as I was explaining it to her, my head was telling me that this was a familiar feeling and that I was remembering things. I kept telling myself all these details about where I was to try to ground myself in reality as I kept fading in and out and felt so distant from where I had been. As I was riding home with my sister, I remember thinking I wanted to do all kinds of things that are very uncharacteristic of me and it felt like someone else was thinking and I was scared that I was being controlled by someone else. I just wanted to leave and be alone then because I was worried and didn't trust whoever's thoughts were going through my head. I have since been relatively normal albeit very shaken up.

I don't really have anyone I can talk to as while I was talking to my sister about it, she was initially very understanding and helpful but then accused me of making things up for attention. She did it in a way that I don't think she meant it to be harmful but it felt very belittling and I get the feeling like people want me to just be happy-go-lucky and I don't know how when I feel like I'm losing my mind.
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Old 04-16-2019, 09:19 PM #2
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Default Re: First Time Hallucinating

This sounds like a very scary experience. My experience with those close to me is that they don't know what to do, are very worried, and can sometimes appear insensitive. It's from their love and fear for you at the same time.
I have to ask...were you drinking in this bar? I'm asking because when I'm drinking, I have had some strange experiences in the Dissociation Depersonalization/Derealization category. I've started limiting myself to only a few drinks because of it. It seems alcohol makes things worse.
At any rate, what you're describing sounds very similar to some of my experiences. I'm diagnosed with PTSD, panic disorder, and cognitive impairment. If you have PTSD, it sounds like you're experiencing possibly flashbacks with Dissociative features. Something as simple as someone talking to me for a long period of time can trigger it. Driving in heavy traffic can trigger it. Nothing can happen at all to trigger it.
It is scary, and I feel for you. You should find a good trauma therapist to speak with. People have posted grounding techniques on here. Nothing has personally worked for me yet, but they seem to be good for most people.
I wish you luck & please be open to getting some help. I made the grave mistake of waiting for years and it just makes the road to getting better that much harder.
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Old 04-21-2019, 09:23 AM #3
PinkRobots PinkRobots is offline
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Default Re: First Time Hallucinating

I was drinking that night. It's a habit I need to work on controlling better but I think, unfortunately early on, I associate most of my positive social experiences with alcohol, even though it's so rarely the case now. It helps to know that this is normal for sufferers of PTSD. I do think I need to find a better therapist. I'm working with a sliding scale facility right now that I feel isn't the best and she seems particularly inexperienced for dealing with someone like me. I'm thinking I might find another place and pay more for less frequent visits with someone who might know what they're doing a little better, at least concerning trauma. I'm working on getting on medication but my insurance options suck and I am physically incapable of communicating with people so seeking out the proper means to get the help I need feels impossible sometimes.
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