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Old 04-22-2019, 07:38 PM #1
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Unhappy Why I Have No Value

I don’t have an answer to this

But many who are much Wiser than I..

Have repeatedly told me I have No Value...

Some of them literally beat this “lesson” into me

Compared to them I’m not a “success”

How can I be a “success” like they are

And possibly have some small value

(Not about anyone on pc)
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Old 04-22-2019, 08:03 PM #2
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Heart Re: Why I Have No Value

Well... I sincerely doubt they were wiser than you. And I don't think theirs is the kind of "success" you'd really want. It seems to me you have mountains of value here on PC, if that's of any consolation...
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Old 04-22-2019, 08:08 PM #3
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Default Re: Why I Have No Value

Quote:
Originally Posted by Skeezyks View Post
Well... I sincerely doubt they were wiser than you. And I don't think theirs is the kind of "success" you'd really want. It seems to me you have mountains of value here on PC, if that's of any consolation...
Thank you Skeezyks
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Old 04-23-2019, 10:02 AM #4
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Default Re: Why I Have No Value

If we grow up with individuals that tend to be narcissistic and need all the praise and blame others for their problems, it's what we get used to and begin to see as normal. The truth is that it is these individuals who failed YOU, instead of visa versa.
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Old 04-28-2019, 11:33 AM #5
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Default Re: Why I Have No Value

It just isn't true that you have no value Fuzzy Bear. You are a valuable human/Bear who gives love and care to others freely.
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Old 05-05-2019, 09:28 PM #6
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Default Re: Why I Have No Value

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuzzybear View Post
I don’t have an answer to this

But many who are much Wiser than I..

Have repeatedly told me I have No Value...

Some of them literally beat this “lesson” into me

Compared to them I’m not a “success”

How can I be a “success” like they are

And possibly have some small value

(Not about anyone on pc)
Honestly -

My dad used to tell me things like I was a disappointment, a quitter, would never amount to anything, a failure, stupid, etc ..

He wasn't the only one to tell me those kinds of things back then either

People my age told me I was ugly, weird, etc

Later in life .. those things were repeated to me plus things like "you really are just a b****" and etc

Did I believe them to be true?
Yep - I had been told it since my preteens, why wouldn't I?

Did that make it fact?
No - things are only fact if they are undeniable truth after proofs are given and found as undeniably one way or the other.

The things said about me were opinion, not fact - but - I had heard it so often over such a long period of time, I came to accept it as fact. That is how brain washing occurs - and is the principle behind abuse.

Reversing the damage is harder than creating the damage - and the damage does not occur "overnight" - but it can be done. The first thing is to force yourself to deliberately tell yourself exactly the opposite of what your abuser (s) told you - until you stop believing what your abuser (s) told you. Second - is to look at yourself and decide what things you like and don't like - not bc others like it or don't like it, but bc you do or dont. Keep the things you like, just as they are. Look at the things you don't like and decide which (if any) you need to completely do away with, and which you just need to change. The ones you decide to change - figure out what would make you happiest n how to make it that way. Finally - allow yourself to make mistakes. Give yourself permission to continue to change and learn and grow. Love yourself.

People's opinions of you - are their own. Their opinions are their responsibility to keep or change, not yours. Your responsibility is simply to live as best you can in a way that allows you to love yourself while hurting others the least you possibly can - bc whether we like it or not, we will all hurt others in some way at some point.

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Old 05-20-2019, 03:24 PM #7
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Default Re: Why I Have No Value

This value thing.... It's so hard to deal with. It's so hard to start believing and really feeling that you have value when you have thought the opposite for such a long time. When your entire world view and what your brain see as logic is all based on the "fact" that you have no value. And you start treating yourself the same way the abusers treated/treat you. I found that when I talked to someone about self harm and other self destructive behaviour, we didn't understand each other at all. For them, the premise of everything they said and thought and found to be logic was that I had value (and that I thought so myself), and it was so obvious for them that they didn't even think about it. And for me the premise of the discussion would be that I didn't have any value. So what they presented as logical and reasonable made no sense to me. And I'm sure the other way around as well. So.…. I guess my point is, it's so deeply embedded in us that we don't realise how much it affects the way we see ourselves and our lifes.... And everything, really.
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Old 05-20-2019, 06:15 PM #8
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Default Re: Why I Have No Value

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilfae View Post
This value thing.... It's so hard to deal with. It's so hard to start believing and really feeling that you have value when you have thought the opposite for such a long time. When your entire world view and what your brain see as logic is all based on the "fact" that you have no value. And you start treating yourself the same way the abusers treated/treat you. I found that when I talked to someone about self harm and other self destructive behaviour, we didn't understand each other at all. For them, the premise of everything they said and thought and found to be logic was that I had value (and that I thought so myself), and it was so obvious for them that they didn't even think about it. And for me the premise of the discussion would be that I didn't have any value. So what they presented as logical and reasonable made no sense to me. And I'm sure the other way around as well. So.…. I guess my point is, it's so deeply embedded in us that we don't realise how much it affects the way we see ourselves and our lifes.... And everything, really.
This is true - and its what I learned from a friend who helped me through it.
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Old 05-20-2019, 10:33 PM #9
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Default Re: Why I Have No Value

(((((((FUZZY)))))) Of course you have value, dear heart. You are an absolutely unique entity!
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