advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
Hummingbird1950
Member
 
Hummingbird1950's Avatar
Hummingbird1950 has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2011
Location: Washington DC area
Posts: 219
10 yr Member
66 hugs
given
Default Aug 21, 2019 at 09:34 AM
  #1
I won't go into any specific detail because I don't want to trigger anyone, so thought I would start there.

Two weeks ago, I observed a life changing traumatic event which activated my PTSD.


I can't stop thinking about what happened. I have tried therapy which is not working for me. I have tried journaling which is making it worse.


So, sitting alone, isolating, not sleeping, not participating with life, shutting down and don't know how to get myself unstuck.


Thank you for listening.

Birdie
Hummingbird1950 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Lilwren, Open Eyes, TunedOut

advertisement
Open Eyes
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Open Eyes's Avatar
Open Eyes Not a Unicorn, just another horse
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,093 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
21.3k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 21, 2019 at 11:28 AM
  #2
I am so sorry you experienced something so life changing and traumatic. It definitely takes time for a person to come to terms with ANY traumatic experience. When something happens that we cannot prevent or control and it's totally out of our hands, it can take a while to acknowledge all the things about it that we need to come to terms with "gradually". A person struggling to come to terms with a major trauma will go through different things when it comes to "gradually" coming to terms with whatever happened, shock, withdrawl, not wanting to think about it, asking why it had to happen, needing to talk about it with others hoping others may help us come to terms with it somehow too. There can be a rather long period of "disbelief" too before a person begins to realizing that yes it did happen and the only thing we can do is give ourselves time to gradually find our way to coming to terms with whatever it is. I use the term coming to terms instead of "accepting" because to me "accepting" tends to feel like we need to be "ok with something" when often a person will never really be "ok" with a traumatic event.

Give yourself some time and continue to seek help from a therapist too.
Open Eyes is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Hummingbird1950
 
Thanks for this!
Hummingbird1950, Lilwren, TunedOut
Hummingbird1950
Member
 
Hummingbird1950's Avatar
Hummingbird1950 has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2011
Location: Washington DC area
Posts: 219
10 yr Member
66 hugs
given
Default Aug 21, 2019 at 11:48 AM
  #3
Open Eyes ~ this is truly a remarkable response and I appreciate your approach to dealing with raw feelings in association with a recent traumatic event in my life. I really like the word "gradual", but what happens, like today. Today I feel the rush of finding immediate relief from these overwhelming emotions.I'm running as fast as I can to not let those intense feelings catch up with me. It's the day after therapy and it released alot of feelings and emotions and it's causing disregulation inside of me.

What can I do to slow down this process?

Birdie


Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
I am so sorry you experienced something so life changing and traumatic. It definitely takes time for a person to come to terms with ANY traumatic experience. When something happens that we cannot prevent or control and it's totally out of our hands, it can take a while to acknowledge all the things about it that we need to come to terms with "gradually". A person struggling to come to terms with a major trauma will go through different things when it comes to "gradually" coming to terms with whatever happened, shock, withdrawl, not wanting to think about it, asking why it had to happen, needing to talk about it with others hoping others may help us come to terms with it somehow too. There can be a rather long period of "disbelief" too before a person begins to realizing that yes it did happen and the only thing we can do is give ourselves time to gradually find our way to coming to terms with whatever it is. I use the term coming to terms instead of "accepting" because to me "accepting" tends to feel like we need to be "ok with something" when often a person will never really be "ok" with a traumatic event.

Give yourself some time and continue to seek help from a therapist too.
Hummingbird1950 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Open Eyes
Hummingbird1950
Member
 
Hummingbird1950's Avatar
Hummingbird1950 has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2011
Location: Washington DC area
Posts: 219
10 yr Member
66 hugs
given
Default Aug 21, 2019 at 12:45 PM
  #4
I found some magazines put out for anyone to take on our give-away table and found myself tearing out bits and pieces of pictures. I'm now taping them in an artist notebook. These pictures represent emotions and feelings I cannot put into words or write about. I learned this in art therapy a long time ago and it's helping me today with my run-away feelings and emotions. I'll take them with me when I see my therapist next week, it will be interesting to see if she has anything to say at all. When I handed her my mood chart for the month of July and August, she said nothing. After this traumatic event I witnessed, I need to get it out of inside of me. Now will go and listen to some relaxation tapes.

Birdie
Hummingbird1950 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Kathleen83, Open Eyes, TunedOut
Open Eyes
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Open Eyes's Avatar
Open Eyes Not a Unicorn, just another horse
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,093 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
21.3k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 21, 2019 at 02:10 PM
  #5
YES! I know what you are describing and I have experienced this myself. Actually, I have been doing a newer therapy called Accelerated Resolution Therapy. This is based on EMDR therapy using eye movement to help a person process a trauma or what may be an accumulation of traumas a person never really processed. My therapist specializes in doing trauma therapy and helping ptsd patients including vets that suffer from ptsd. He explained to me that what they have learned about trauma patients is the area of their brain that is mostly affected is the back of the brain as when they test trauma patients that is the area of the brain that shows most of the activity when the individual is presented with reminders of whatever traumatized them. They noticed there was little to almost NO activity in the frontal part of the brain. It has been learned that our brains actually process things we experience every night through REM sleep and that the eye movement activates the brain where the daily events are connected to the area of our brain that has skills to sort out whatever we are trying to process. Often if someone is traumatized, their brain is overwhelmed and when it tries to do REM the individual may experience very bad dreams and often their ability to access average skills to process whatever it was isn't really enough and the person may experience what is called night terrors and flashbacks in their sleep where they can even grow afraid to sleep. The brain really needs a certain amount of sleep to process and refresh as well as remove chemical buildup from stress we experience during the day. After all, we take in a lot more information than we realize everyday.

Trauma affects a lot more than we realize and can leave us feeling very hypervigilant and that tends to affect a person emotionally, psychologically and physically. A person can get very confused as to "do I need to fight, flight, freeze?". So, what I have learned from my therapist with this therapy is he has me recall how my body feels first as often when I first sit across him I am all keyed up and nervous. He begins by having me watch his hand movement and focusing on how my body feels first. People who suffer from ptsd often complain about feeling pain across their chest, perhaps in their shoulders or neck, some have headaches and some experience pain down their arms too. I experience that myself so he focuses on noticing that while I follow his hand movement. Then he has me imagine things that are very soothing while watching his hands. After the first session I had with him, I did feel very tired yet I also felt like someone literally took a very HEAVY coat off of me too. I honestly had not even realized how much I had grown used to carrying the trauma, I even wondered if I really ever knew what it was like to feel what is supposed to be "normal" to be honest.

When I do these sessions where I revisit different traumas I have experienced, I often feel very tired for a few days "all normal" and what most patients notice. My therapist actually helps me take whatever events I am recalling and changing things around while I am still watching his hands. This is what we do during our REM sleep too. This helps our brain reduce the impact the trauma has on this area of the brain. We do not forget any trauma, however, what this therapy actually does is greatly reduce how a trauma "feels" like it is happening "now". They have learned by studying how trauma affects the brain and how the area that is very active when someone is reminded of a trauma is actually greatly reduced when engaging this kind of therapy.

My therapist explained to me how this is better than talk therapy because with talk therapy the person tends to get very uncomfortable talking about whatever the trauma they experienced was. Actually, after doing this therapy and leaving to do whatever between sessions, my therapist would ask me about how I was doing and he could see how much better I had gotten when it came to talking to him about whatever we worked on.

The reason I use "come to terms with" and "gradual" which you found so very helpful is because that is really how we need to deal with trauma. Any or Most injuries take TIME to HEAL gradually, this is how human beings are designed.

Trauma has an affect on so much and no one wants to "feel" how awful a trauma is. And when we experience a trauma the affects develop "after" whatever the trauma is. That is why therapy can be so challenging and often people try to not talk about something more because they don't want to get overwhelmed by all the confusing feelings they experience. We do LOSE something when we experience trauma, and it can take time for someone to mourn whatever that loss is. It takes "time" to figure out how to navigate despite whatever it is that was lost due to trauma.

One of the phrases I actually hate that people tend to respond when it comes to someone struggling after a trauma is "you gotta JUST let it go". Well, healing definitely takes time, there is no true "let it go" easy solution that so many tend to suggest doing.

You can't run from your feelings either, most people try to avoid feeling as though it's a bad thing. Sitting with your feelings is part of the healing. We do a lot of learning from our feelings. I have struggled a lot this year with being overwhelmed "emotionally" myself. Both my parents passed away and how they passed presented me with some VERY toxic upsetting things that made it all the more painful for me. It's definitely taking me TIME to come to terms with it all very "gradually" too. It's a very PERSONAL process and can be at times crippling. It's not a crime to need to sit and feel.

I do recommend that you see if this therapy I am describing is available near you. I have noticed that it's helped me. I am slowly seeing what my therapist has been explaining to me about it and he told me he has done CBT, DBT and talk therapy and has found this therapy to be the most helpful to his patients.
Open Eyes is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Hummingbird1950, Kathleen83, Lilwren, TunedOut
Hummingbird1950
Member
 
Hummingbird1950's Avatar
Hummingbird1950 has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2011
Location: Washington DC area
Posts: 219
10 yr Member
66 hugs
given
Default Aug 21, 2019 at 03:02 PM
  #6
Open Eyes, I cannot thank you enough for your detailed explanation !!!! You went to alot of work to spell things out how your therapy is helpful to you and healing too. Your explanation will help others as well, to turn to more integrated methods for a trauma model.

One thing you said about night terrors. I have those all the time. I no longer sleep in my bed for that reason. I find that short sleeps in my recliner with the lights on at night helps, but I don't get the beneficial deep sleep that I need. I had no idea that the REM part of sleep can cause night terrors and that makes alot of sense. I have done EMDR in the past and you are correct in that it doesn't make the memory go away, it reduces the impact and is soo beneficial if done by an experienced therapist. Now, I understand why I am having such issues with my sleep, especially since the recent trauma. I do wear a FitBit watch at night and it will download to my FitBit App that will track my sleep patterns and I rarely have any REM at all, nor deep sleep. I do have prolonged light sleep and dozens and dozens of wakeups.


I no longer watch TV, or the news. I do watch YouTube meditations, BiNeural Music and listen to other calming music as much as I can.

I will ask if this therapist I will see next week does EMDR, but since she does not work on grounding skills before and at the conclusion of the session, I rather doubt she will and will I let her is a good question.


I also had a very competent therapist years ago that did color and music therapy along with EMDR which was very beneficial and that was when I could tell the healing process was beginning but she retired, unfortunately and I have never found a therapist who accepts my insurance to go to.

I will be coming back to re-read your posting here because as time goes by, I will benefit from your very valuable post !!!

Birdie
Hummingbird1950 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Open Eyes
Open Eyes
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Open Eyes's Avatar
Open Eyes Not a Unicorn, just another horse
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,093 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
21.3k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 21, 2019 at 04:30 PM
  #7
This therapy I am doing now is similar to EMDR but has more to it than just EMDR. A lot of people that struggle with PTSD complain of having sleep issues. It's hard to go into a deep sleep when your body is stuck in hyper vigilant mode. A person is a lot more sensitive and has a tendency to suddenly produce a lot of cortizol which basically keeps the body "ready" for flight.

Quote:
One thing you said about night terrors. I have those all the time. I no longer sleep in my bed for that reason.
I had them a lot myself and ended up having to sleep with the TV on so if I woke up all confused at least the TV would be on so I could realize where I was faster. Actually, my husband got so he did not like sleeping with the TV on so now we sleep in separate rooms which is fine with me because my husband is a challenge to sleep with anyway because he tends to move around too much during his sleep and would hit and kick me in his sleep. It got so I was waking up with a large pillow as a sheild near the bottom of the bed trying to get away from him in my sleep.

The reason I also ended up having the TV on was to avoid thinking about the trauma while trying to drift off to sleep and instead fall asleep listening to something on the TV. I tried to find things I could listen to that would not cause me to want to look at the TV. Some people listen to talk radio or even listen to books or music, anything that helps their mind relax. It was not until I read how if you do something that is mundane like coloring in a coloring book for instance, the brain realized "oh, no emergency so I can stop pumping cortizol" and that is how the mind starts to calm down so the person can feel some kind of "normal".

For myself, it helped me to learn about what my brain is actually doing that is confusing me so much.
Open Eyes is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Hummingbird1950
Hummingbird1950
Member
 
Hummingbird1950's Avatar
Hummingbird1950 has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2011
Location: Washington DC area
Posts: 219
10 yr Member
66 hugs
given
Default Aug 21, 2019 at 05:54 PM
  #8
Open Eyes ~ First time I have heard how cortisol affects sleep issues, very interesting. Will have to do more research on this. I guess this may very well be what makes it difficult to sleep, stay asleep and go back to sleep when I wake up in the wee hours of the morning. My bedroom is a very scary place for me anyway, but your new information takes things to a much deeper level. I wish someone had explained all this to me, even my sleep doctor never took the time.


You are lucky your husband is understanding and supportive of you. I know what it feels like to be kicked and punched while in sleep by a spouse. It's not very pleasant. You have to do what you have to do to try to ensure some semblance of sleep to stay sane. It's a survival issue. I had to sleep separately from my spouse too.


I really like your idea of a coloring book, never thought of that. I know there are adult coloring books on Amazon. Do you use crayons or colored pencils? Interesting how doing something so simple like that shuts down the flight or fight response in the brain. I had been playing GinRummy or Solitaire at night while listening to soothing music. Then I have booktapes that I can turn on for increments of 15 minutes at a time to help lull me back to sleep. Making sure I use boring books, lol, so far that works, but I always wake up exhausted as if I ran a marathon in the morning, with severe muscle aches and joints.


Interesting how you learned what your brain does to keep you confused. May I ask, was there research you did on this, or did your therapist teach you all this? I would really like to know more about this.


I also live in an Independent Senior Home, but it's really not so independent. We have Alzheimers patients here who are supposed to have aides with them around the clock, but the aids never do and with Sundowners, my neighbors wander at night. My neighbor across from me has Alzheimers and she gets lost once she goes outside her front door and mistakes my door as hers and will knock on my door for long period of time all night long and calls for help. I have complained about this to management but it keeps happening. So, in defense, I am forced back into my bedroom so I can shut the door and turn the fan on high. Once back in bed, I am then subject to fear and feeling unsafe being in bed. No easy answers. I am stuck here for the next two years, sadly.


Birdie



Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
This therapy I am doing now is similar to EMDR but has more to it than just EMDR. A lot of people that struggle with PTSD complain of having sleep issues. It's hard to go into a deep sleep when your body is stuck in hyper vigilant mode. A person is a lot more sensitive and has a tendency to suddenly produce a lot of cortizol which basically keeps the body "ready" for flight.


I'll start some research on Google Scholar about Cortisol and sleep and when I see the new psych doc next week, will address this. When I was on an APsychotic medication, my former psych doc put me on Cogentin and that helped me with very restful sleep. When my sleep doc heard I was on Cogentin, he warned me of continual usage of this drug and I went off of it. Perhaps I'll ask about this drug with the new psych doc too. I know Lamictal and Klonopin are not helping maintain my mood lately with all this trauma, so I do need some extra help, especially with sleep.

Thank you soo much for educating me about all this Open Eyes, you have just enriched my life more than you know !!

Birdie


I had them a lot myself and ended up having to sleep with the TV on so if I woke up all confused at least the TV would be on so I could realize where I was faster. Actually, my husband got so he did not like sleeping with the TV on so now we sleep in separate rooms which is fine with me because my husband is a challenge to sleep with anyway because he tends to move around too much during his sleep and would hit and kick me in his sleep. It got so I was waking up with a large pillow as a sheild near the bottom of the bed trying to get away from him in my sleep.

The reason I also ended up having the TV on was to avoid thinking about the trauma while trying to drift off to sleep and instead fall asleep listening to something on the TV. I tried to find things I could listen to that would not cause me to want to look at the TV. Some people listen to talk radio or even listen to books or music, anything that helps their mind relax. It was not until I read how if you do something that is mundane like coloring in a coloring book for instance, the brain realized "oh, no emergency so I can stop pumping cortizol" and that is how the mind starts to calm down so the person can feel some kind of "normal".

For myself, it helped me to learn about what my brain is actually doing that is confusing me so much.
Hummingbird1950 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Open Eyes
Open Eyes
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Open Eyes's Avatar
Open Eyes Not a Unicorn, just another horse
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,093 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
21.3k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 21, 2019 at 07:57 PM
  #9
Quote:
Interesting how you learned what your brain does to keep you confused. May I ask, was there research you did on this, or did your therapist teach you all this? I would really like to know more about this.
I have been doing a lot of reading as well as listening to therapists I have had explain it to me. They are studying the brain constantly to figure out what is happening in the brain of someone suffering from PTSD as we are losing so many vets that come home crippled with it. I have been reading about it constantly for the past 10 years as it has crippled me and I could not understand it or even how to reduce the often "intrusive" symptoms it presents. Some people have it worse than others so a lot depends on the person and the trauma they experienced along with how sensitive that person is.
Open Eyes is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Hummingbird1950
Hummingbird1950
Member
 
Hummingbird1950's Avatar
Hummingbird1950 has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2011
Location: Washington DC area
Posts: 219
10 yr Member
66 hugs
given
Default Aug 21, 2019 at 08:47 PM
  #10
I find that amazing that therapists will have an actual conversation with you about the brain in relation to PTSD. It's soo rare that I have had conversations with a therapist like this, you are soo very fortunate.


I never thought about researching all this. I have been just going merrily along thinking that I could be cured, LOL. It wasn't until I turned 68 that I turned to my psych doc and asked, what gives, I thought I would be cured by now. His response, no chance with your broken brain. But this was the most he explained to me other than pharmaceutical properties of the medications I was taking. He would travel to NIMH with problem patients for help, but with me, but he never did that, oh well, almost too late for me now.


But, it's never to late to learn, so, with your help and expertise I will begin a new journey to delve into this. I have soo much to be thankful to you for sharing all this very valuable information. You have opened my mind.

Birdie


Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
I have been doing a lot of reading as well as listening to therapists I have had explain it to me. They are studying the brain constantly to figure out what is happening in the brain of someone suffering from PTSD as we are losing so many vets that come home crippled with it. I have been reading about it constantly for the past 10 years as it has crippled me and I could not understand it or even how to reduce the often "intrusive" symptoms it presents. Some people have it worse than others so a lot depends on the person and the trauma they experienced along with how sensitive that person is.
Hummingbird1950 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Open Eyes
Lilwren
Junior Member
 
Lilwren's Avatar
Lilwren has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2019
Location: Florida
Posts: 17
3 yr Member
24 hugs
given
Default Oct 25, 2019 at 08:08 PM
  #11
I was just officially diagnosed today ... had my suspicions for a longtime ... at any rate ... this thread is a huge help and I wanted to say thank you to Birdie and Open Eyes.

For me trying to focus on moving forward is the best. Having to think about traumas shuts me down. I try to read as many posts as i can, but so many of them hurt me ... I feel their pain and turn away. Hopefully at some point I will be more able to face emotional pain, but right now I am so raw. I feel silly sometimes because I'm 56 and my childhood traumas happened so many years ago, but I guess I never healed and now I have problems with my MS and I get triggered constantly.

I have been toying with studying a book called Waking the Tiger and I told the therapist today and he immediately said NO. He said my cortisol is already really messed up ... the only way I sleep is with Ambien. I'm not sure what he has planned, but i am going to mention the EMDR therapy. He did say that he would help me get better ... and I believe him. I got lucky today because I felt like he respected me and listened to me and that has never happened before. He didn't discount one single thing I said and seemed genuine and I feel I can trust him ... hope I'm not wrong. Honestly after suffering so many years I was so relieved to just have someone that believed me I didn't ask my normal twenty questions, but I will next time.

I have noticed that when I have dreams I feel so much more rested and in less pain the next day, but if I have nightmares (or nothing) I'm shot. My dreams seem to sort, and file, stuff that bugged me and it kind of gets put to bed so to speak (no pun intended ) so it doesn't keep eating away at my brain. Before all of this I never really thought about dreams much, or what their purpose was. Really interesting new territory for me and so glad you guys are discussing it because it's just what I needed tonight.

Okay enough rambling because I forgot my point. I guess just to say thanks for the great thread.

__________________
The most important thing is to enjoy your life - to be happy - it's all that matters.
Audrey Hepburn
Lilwren is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Open Eyes
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:56 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.