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GypsyOfTheEast
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Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: California
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Default Dec 05, 2019 at 05:36 PM
  #1
I left a really toxic and abusive relationship back at the end of September. I tried to leave in August but we got back together for September then I said enough is enough and I left for good. I couldn't forgive her or myself for everything she put me through.

I had been doing really good for a few months but recently I've started having flashbacks every day and I've been having a lot of dreams about everything and it sucks. I just want to move on with my life and keep doing what I've been doing but all this stuff keeps coming back up to haunt me and it hurts a lot.

I wrote a few songs about it over the last few months that really help honestly but it's hard to stay focused. A lot of times the post traumatic stress hits me at work if a certain song plays or something, it will like violently remind me of certain things that happened and I have to shake it off and try to get back to work.

I almost always feel on edge or tense and I'm constantly worried I'll see her on the street or see her name somewhere or something and it's ridiculous.

I recently saw that she got into a relationship with someone else and while part of me is glad she won't be hitting me up anymore for stuff it kind of frustrates me. Like I tried so hard to be the best I could to her and all she did was screw me over. I can't help but think to myself that it's not fair that she gets out so easily and on to someone else while I'm sitting here wishing that I could just move past the trauma and feel comfortable about getting into a new relationship.

Currently I hardly trust anyone. I can't see myself being a healthy partner in a relationship and I don't think it would be fair to always be secondguessing someone who might really have only pure intentions for me. I've been talking to a few girls and they're really awesome and I could see something good happening but I can't help but be afraid that I'll hurt them emotionally or be a burden because of the post traumatic stress and that sucks. I want to feel good about these things but I don't.

I'm just lucky I have passions to drive me forward without the need of a relationship. It's really hard to keep on steady ground these days but I'm trying. Music is really saving my butt here. Without that, I'd be a chaotic mess. That andthe goals I constantly set and work towards help keep me moving forward steadily. I just wish that I wouldn't keep getting thrown into hell randomly. It's really distracting and irritating. It makes me irritable sometimes too which sucks because I like to be as positive as possible as much as possible.

I'm not sure if I'm making good progress to healing my brain, but I'm trying.
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Default Dec 05, 2019 at 11:16 PM
  #2
Quote:
I had been doing really good for a few months but recently I've started having flashbacks every day and I've been having a lot of dreams about everything and it sucks. I just want to move on with my life and keep doing what I've been doing but all this stuff keeps coming back up to haunt me and it hurts a lot.
It's very common to struggle with flashbacks and triggers "after" getting away from an individual that was emotionally abusive towards you and kept you feeling stressed. When in a relationship you are surviving day after day, there is no down time or safe time to process any of it. It's important that when you experience these flashbacks that you acknowledge them, "yes, that happened but not now, I am safe now". When you do that it reduces the strength of the flashback greatly and eventually it will become more of a memory that doesn't come rushing forward in you in such a disturbing way.

Quote:
. I can't help but think to myself that it's not fair that she gets out so easily and on to someone else while I'm sitting here wishing that I could just move past the trauma and feel comfortable about getting into a new relationship.
She isn't really getting out so easily, she is stuck living with her miserable self and feel sorry for the next guy who will be her next victim.

Give yourself time to regain your ability to just be YOU again, don't be so quick to get into another relationship. At the same time, don't isolate yourself too much, you need to rebuild your ability to interact with others again and just be yourself around others. It's still early yet so give yourself time to heal and find yourself again, patience is paramont with this too.
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