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Default Jan 17, 2020 at 11:47 PM
  #1
I’m really not doing well. I am a survivor of domestic violence with my ex and I have ptsd. Severe ptsd. My ex was more emotionally financially abusive not too much physical but he put me through so much. I feel like nobody can relate to me. I feel so alone. We have a son together and it’s really hard having to keep in contact with him bc he is always trying to ruin my life and he gets on fb and says I’m the one that caused him all these problems and I am the one with issues. Everything my ex says is lies. He barely even picks up my son when he is supposed to. And he acts like he is the perfect father he hasn’t paid child support in a year. He doesn’t want to help. He did that when we were married. And he has his new supply thinking I’m the probelem and that he is a good dad blah blah. It hurts my feelings that I see that stuff on fb. I blocked them so I didn’t have to see it. But my friends send me things if he goes on a rant on fb. I feel so alone. And I hate that he never gets in trouble for what he does. And how much he hurt my son and I. Anyway.
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Default Jan 18, 2020 at 12:05 AM
  #2
I am so sorry for what he had done to you are you seeing a Therapist ? If not please find one so you can get help sorting everything out and build yourself back up

Tell those friends you do NOT want to see anything he types ever !!!! let him lie , karma will do its thing.

We’re you married ? If so are you divorced? Was there a child support amount decided on by the court? Married or not he has a financial obligation to pay for his son.

In my state and I think probably now many state have laws about child support.. you pay or go to jail.

So look into ALL your legal options.

I’m sorry you have had to go through all this. Things will get better, you just need help right now

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Default Jan 18, 2020 at 05:30 AM
  #3
Hi Christina and no I’m not seeing a therapist I do need someone to talk to. I need to get one. My son has adhd and is very very hyper and has sensory processing disorder maybe even some bipolar in There. So I am always chasing after him and feeling exhausted. Every single day I barely have time to use the toilet. Seriously. I feel so many emotions. We were married we are divorced. I am married to someone else. And now he is getting married to someone else. She hasn’t seen his lies yet and she went on fb talking crap about me and how he is a good father and he literary doesn’t pay child support or see he Kid barely. He has gaslighted her so bad. And is using her vehicle. I don’t want to get on fb bc I know there’s nothing I can do to see how people view me. He wants everyone to believe he is a good dad sees his kid etc. it makes me mad bc that girl put on fb that all dads aren’t deadbeats. Etc. the state is biased towards men. Which isn’t true in his case. And right the state is the one who made him pay in the first place and he should help pay for his son regardless if I have a job or not. My son alone is already a pretty much over the top full time job let alone I have bipolar and I also have fibromyalgia which is what a lot of people get after being with a full blown narcissist. So my muscles hurt a lot. That girl was talking crap about me how I don’t have a job and I literary try to hard every single day. And fight whatever crap I’m feeling to make it through each day with a adhd kid. He is supposed to be paying 427 a month. Plus keep him on medical. We have court on Tuesday. I hate even seeing my ex because he used to stalk me so bad. He still will talk to me badly in messages on my phone and blames me for every single thing. He literary will even argue with himself. I’m just sick of it all. He doesn’t even want to help my son if he gets him will feed him sugar and go against what the doctor says. It makes my sons moods worse. He just does things to be vindictive he literary lacks empathy. I’m just so drained. I’ll be in court on Tuesday I should be glad that we’re going which in a way I am but I am scared of this man. I honestly never know what he is capable of. Thanks for responding to me I feel literary so alone lately.
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Default Jan 18, 2020 at 05:41 AM
  #4
Hey @Thriving101, I am so sorry.

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Originally Posted by Thriving101 View Post
I’m really not doing well. I am a survivor of domestic violence with my ex and I have ptsd. Severe ptsd. My ex was more emotionally financially abusive not too much physical but he put me through so much. I feel like nobody can relate to me. I feel so alone. We have a son together and it’s really hard having to keep in contact with him bc he is always trying to ruin my life and he gets on fb and says I’m the one that caused him all these problems and I am the one with issues.
If you can prove he is harassing you then document and go to the police. It is not ok and it is just extended abuse. if you are divorced, go over your papers and google some stuff about what the law says you can and cant do to ex's. Since he is a bad father, doesn't pay child support and hardly sees your son then maybe you need to go back to court and legally put those things in place. If he is not paying support go after him. He probably bad mouths you to your son- which can cause parental alienation which IS against the law. How do you think this impacts your son?

Quote:
It hurts my feelings that I see that stuff on fb. I blocked them so I didn’t have to see it. But my friends send me things if he goes on a rant on fb. I feel so alone. And I hate that he never gets in trouble for what he does. And how much he hurt my son and I. Anyway.
I am glad you blocked him and I am going to be blunt. Friends who send you stuff that he says on FB are not your friends plain and simple. What friend in the world would cause hurt to someone by showing them stuff from an abusive ex they have blocked? They are not complicit in the abuse and are helping to extend it. If you feel you cant cut ties with them or that the relationships is too important than tell all of them that under no circumstances do you ever want to see, know or hear what he is doing on FB or saying on FB about you or himself or anything to do with him. Tell these "friends" that if they violate this request you will cut them out.

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Default Jan 18, 2020 at 06:06 AM
  #5
I have gone to the police multiple times. He has said some things which sounded pretty threatening to me about me and about my husband. But nothing absolutely specific enough for the cops to do anything about it. It really has be questioning the whole system. Some people end up getting murdered from guys like my ex. And the cops never taking that person seriously. Unless he makes a threat like I’m going to kill you and your husband then they don’t care. And unless he’s beating up on someone then they don’t care. There needs to be more programs and help for women with abusive partners. There’s a reason women don’t feel safe. My ex was a huge stalker still is. And it’s terrifying. He used to show up where I was all the time and would never want me to leave the house ever. When we were married and it was hell. He is also a huge pill popper and on steroids
He does tell my son things all the time. If and when he comes back from his dads he seems to hate me and my husband again. He also neglects my son a lot. He won’t bathe him for days or brush his teeth. It’s sad really. My friends weren’t doing it to be mean. I had asked them to do it for court purposes to show that he goes on rants on fb. But I don’t want him to have access to my account so I blocked him. I told her today that I was blocking him and that if he goes on rants about me to please let me know. It shows he is unstable in a way and it should be like illegal to just go on there talking crap about the mother of his child when it’s not even true the stuff he is saying. My ex stole my son multiple times and took him nine hours away and would not bring him back. That is when we were married. That’s when I had to file for divorce. And then after that he did it two more times. When he stole him the cops didn’t do crap until I got a court order from a judge to bring him back to me so I went two months without seeing my son and he would not let me see him. Then when I got a order the cops went in his house and got him three cop cars. Ten he puts on fb that i stole him. It was a huge deal but at the time I kept him with me until court again Bc I was not going to have him take him from mea again. I was trying to protect him. And he put on fb that I stole my son. And a hundred people shared it. And people were like you should send out an amber alert. And I couldn’t do anything about what he was posting. I had to get a lawyer. And she had to tell the police that I was keeping him safe and I have court order over my son. And he got mad about that. I have so much ptsd. So the whole town just sees his side and not my side. And everyone else. I have been suffering in silence because I’m scared of that man if I even try to explain myself. This all sounds like a book or something but it was my life.😔
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Default Jan 18, 2020 at 06:13 AM
  #6
And yes I blocked him because i don’t need to be seeing his stuff.
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Default Jan 18, 2020 at 06:15 AM
  #7
I agree with everything Sarah said..

More info on your situation with him ? You need to file fir full custody, period!

My heart breaks for you .. stand tall protect your son and yourself

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Default Jan 21, 2020 at 07:50 PM
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Oh....I am so sorry to hear what you've been going through! I'm so glad you have found your way here, to psych central. I've found it to be a great place to let things out, tell how I'm feeling. I'm also in total agreement with what Sarah and Christina said. It sounds like you're doing good at recognizing how much continued contact through Facebook is hurting you, and YAY you for blocking him. Keep reaching out for support. A good therapist can do wonders. You mentioned having so very little time - so I'm wondering, would it be possible for you to find a way to maybe get both you and your son into therapy at the same time? As in, you have YOUR appointment with YOUR therapist, while he has an appointment with his? Build yourself a support TEAM. Your lawyer, to sort out legal stuff. The police, to safeguard you. On THAT note - even if the police can't do anything about THIS or THAT particular thing at this time....continue reaching out to them when ever you feel you need to - because, documentation. Write down every single time you call them, or visit. Sometimes what the police can't do because of it being a one-time thing, they later CAN do something about, when it becomes a pattern. And your ex sure sounds like someone who loves his patterns. Anyway - back to a team for you - so you aren't alone. Lawyer, police, therapist, this forum, other support groups, be it online, in person, whatever. Consider yourself captain of "Team Thriving" - and pick whomever you want to be on your team. Because, you are so not alone.

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Default Jan 25, 2020 at 11:29 PM
  #9
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thriving101 View Post
I’m really not doing well. I am a survivor of domestic violence with my ex and I have ptsd. Severe ptsd. My ex was more emotionally financially abusive not too much physical but he put me through so much. I feel like nobody can relate to me. I feel so alone. We have a son together and it’s really hard having to keep in contact with him bc he is always trying to ruin my life and he gets on fb and says I’m the one that caused him all these problems and I am the one with issues. Everything my ex says is lies. He barely even picks up my son when he is supposed to. And he acts like he is the perfect father he hasn’t paid child support in a year. He doesn’t want to help. He did that when we were married. And he has his new supply thinking I’m the probelem and that he is a good dad blah blah. It hurts my feelings that I see that stuff on fb. I blocked them so I didn’t have to see it. But my friends send me things if he goes on a rant on fb. I feel so alone. And I hate that he never gets in trouble for what he does. And how much he hurt my son and I. Anyway.
I'm in the exact same boat. 13 years together. I'm totally opposite of who i was.
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Default Jan 28, 2020 at 09:34 AM
  #10
It has been well-documented from very good studies that the number one complaint of children of divorce is when one parent trashes the other parent to the child. So, you might be surprised by what is actually going on inside your child. Just a thought. It made my 5 year-old so angry that he drew pictures of his mother trashing me and brought them to me. Cartoons. He was 5. Just sayin'.

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Default Jan 31, 2020 at 12:29 AM
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I'm in the exact same boat. 13 years together. I'm totally opposite of who i was.
I’m sorry it is tough
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Default Jan 31, 2020 at 12:33 AM
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It has been well-documented from very good studies that the number one complaint of children of divorce is when one parent trashes the other parent to the child. So, you might be surprised by what is actually going on inside your child. Just a thought. It made my 5 year-old so angry that he drew pictures of his mother trashing me and brought them to me. Cartoons. He was 5. Just sayin'.
Yes I know my son has anger outbursts. And times he just cries and cries. He has been through a lot. And almost every time his dad Does actually get him and returns him my son hates me all of a sudden. He calls me a liar etc. I have no idea what he’s talking about. Then he tells me his dad says this and that. It’s not fair to my son. He just needs to be a kid. It’s not good to bash the other parent or step parent etc because that will always be their parent they can’t change that. And they don’t decide who their parent dates either.
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Default Mar 09, 2020 at 08:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Thriving101 View Post
I’m really not doing well. I am a survivor of domestic violence with my ex and I have ptsd. Severe ptsd. My ex was more emotionally financially abusive not too much physical but he put me through so much. I feel like nobody can relate to me. I feel so alone. We have a son together and it’s really hard having to keep in contact with him bc he is always trying to ruin my life and he gets on fb and says I’m the one that caused him all these problems and I am the one with issues. Everything my ex says is lies. He barely even picks up my son when he is supposed to. And he acts like he is the perfect father he hasn’t paid child support in a year. He doesn’t want to help. He did that when we were married. And he has his new supply thinking I’m the probelem and that he is a good dad blah blah. It hurts my feelings that I see that stuff on fb. I blocked them so I didn’t have to see it. But my friends send me things if he goes on a rant on fb. I feel so alone. And I hate that he never gets in trouble for what he does. And how much he hurt my son and I. Anyway.
I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. You didn't deserve this.
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