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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,329
(SuperPoster!)
21 81.2k hugs
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#1
I have recently been communicating more than I used to (this was “always” “strongly discouraged” - at “best”)
I am quite sure I was programmed by various abusers in early childhood how “Wrong” it was to give “too much information” - or basically any information.. about how I am feeling, how the family is feeling, basically anything about the family aside from some strictly controlled and programmed nuggets. And if I did not “comply” .. it was Wrong. Can anyone relate to having a very controlling “family of origin” and how uncovering more about this can be illuminating. And even being allowed to speak can be a taste of “freedom” which was not allowed during childhood ... I don’t need to be told to “move on” since that is the response I received in real life (with no input as to how to “move on” - simply further disconnection, disinterest, disinformation, and (maybe intentional) confusion. I could write more but in this moment I don’t have time. Respect to all who read this and who can relate to posts in this forum. __________________ |
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*Beth*, Purple,Violet,Blue, Skeezyks, Thirty shades, Yaowen
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Purple,Violet,Blue
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2020
Location: USA
Posts: 3,618
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#2
I can definitely relate to having a "controlling" family, FuzzyBear. Not that they didn't do millions of absolutely sweet and kindhearted and generous and loving things for me for which I am eternally grateful.
I think their "controlling" behavior was the result of brain pathology and less than ideal upbringing.. -- Yaowen |
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Fuzzybear, Purple,Violet,Blue, Thirty shades
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 4,799
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#3
I can relate dear Fuzzybear.
As a cub, I was very quiet. I speak out more now but often retreat and stay away from the world. The world is a pleasant place but the people in it are less so... My cub was often told "children should be seen and not heard" if she dared to speak Hugs and respect |
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Fuzzybear
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Fuzzybear
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
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#4
My family had trunk-loads of secrets that I would not even imagined disclosing to anyone. Now, for the first time, I am telling those secrets in therapy.
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Fuzzybear
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Disreputable Old Troll
Member Since Oct 2015
Location: The Star of the North
Posts: 32,762
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#5
When I was growing up I was told: "You don't wash your dirty laundry in public." But then at a very early age I learned my parents didn't want to hear it either. So I just learned to keep it to myself. I'm 71 years old now. And I'm still doing it. (Old habits die hard.)
__________________ "I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
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Fuzzybear
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