I'm Beginning to Slide

Like many in the world, currently- I find myself struggling more with my mental illnesses. I've been anxious and intermittently depressed will small bouts of hypomania. That stuff I can handle, and it isn't as if I cannot handle my PTSD but more so that it is harder on my general outlook.

Telling myself nothing is wrong while memories float forward is difficult, but going in and out of a flashback offers a whole new challenge. My T is working on the whole "moving forward" bit and I can't say that I disagree with this teaching. However, it offers no solution to my current problem.

I've tried various trauma therapies and always seem to quit due to the overwhelming flood of details that surface. The more detail, the more real the flashbacks get. It doesn't stay that way through the therapy I hear, but it's just too much. I don't know if it's worse than what I'm dealing with now, but it doesn't matter at the current time. The situation of isolation keeps my normal therapy routines from occurring. I've tried to replace them with alternative options and I'm not seeing the same result at all.

I keep mixing up reality very bad with memories. I keep seeing people that aren't there who were once. The room will look like an old room. A slam will bring back another. I feel so stressed and exhausted from this. I'm desperate for relief and constantly high at this point. I started drinking every few days despite my ulcer to treat my anxieties. I missed my recent pdoc appointment but booked a phone appt next week. Hopefully I don't screw that one up to. Meds won't help this, I know, but something needs to be done for my anxiety and aggression. Seeing these people as if they never left.. it's too damn much. I can't keep my emotions in line, they're everywhere. I just want some relief.

Thanks for sharing your struggle. This is such a difficult situation we're all in. I hope that, in some way, you can manage to find your way through it.

I don't know if you've seen DocJohn's article on the subject of the coronavirus, anxiety & mental health. But here's a link to it just in case not:

Coping with Coronavirus: Anxiety & Mental Health | Psych Central

Im sorry that you're struggling.
I wish I had great advice, but I wish that you find relief soon.

I'm sorry you're struggling. I hope you're feeling a bit better now. Either way, I want you to know I care, my friend.
Always,
Fuzzy