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Worriedtoomuch
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Trig Jun 25, 2020 at 04:51 PM
  #1
I was happy enough until I was 6 or 7 years old. Then my Father started beating me for wetting the bed. With what ever be grabbed, but usually his leather belt doubled over, holding me by my left arm so he could use his right arm to swing away. I started losing sleep, I was afraid to go to sleep because I would wake up either after I had already urinated or during urination, can't stop it. I remember shaking so hard when I new I was going to get another beating,, it was like the day I feel thru the ice up to my waist and had to walk about a mile home. Terror shakes. I think I may have gotten over it long ago but at 8years old we moved into our grandparents home, 5 boys in the basement, mom and sister up stairs. I saw two glass 5 gallon bottles and asked what are those for? Mom said " oh, your uncle Doug used to swell up like a balloon and he would have to drink a quart or so of artishon spring water so he could pee". I also was told grandma wet the bed until she was 18. It didn't come to me until much later in life,,, Mom let me get beat for an inherited genetic urinary problem that I had no control of. Oh yea, moving into the grandparents mom had to come clean,,, he wasn't the three older boys father. He was our step father and father to the three younger ones. I am #3 , the overlooked middle child. I was not wanted from the start. They had two boys, it was time for a girl, I was a disappointment as soon as they saw a penis. That is P.T.S.D. #1. At 8years old and in the basement, my two older brothers realized they could get away with torchering me. My grandma was of the generation that believed " children should be seen and not heard. " I heard her say it enough times I know she meant it. So at first when I would cry out grandma would yell down the stairs " quit your hollering or you won't get any supper". Before we moved there the year before was scarce on food. I remember when I was 7years old mom had me and the two older brothers out putting flyers on doors while she was in the car with the three younger siblings. I asked her how much we were getting paid? Mom said "if you want food for you and your little sister and the twin baby boys next week just shut up and put the flyers in the doors." I now really appreciate that burdon you placed upon me at 7 years old mom. It bothers me even more as I remember her having the money to smoke 3 packs a day and enough lipstick to reapply after each one. I also had Pyloric Stenosis at 3 months old, the valve to my stomach was clamped shut and I was literally starting to starve to death. I have always fought a binge eating disorder as soon as food was available. So,,,,, do I yell and scream when they are hurting me and go without supper? I usually tried to keep my mouth as closed as possible and moaned so grandma wouldn't hear me. P.T.S. D. #2. More of grandma's basement next time, we lived there from 8years old to 12years old, and it's the story of crushing my self esteem while I struggled to maintain some kind of self confidence.

Last edited by CANDC; Jun 26, 2020 at 01:00 PM.. Reason: Trigger Icon added
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Smile Jun 26, 2020 at 02:56 PM
  #2
Hello Worriedtoomuch: Thank you for sharing your struggle. I see you are a 3+ year member, here on PC, although this is your first post. So... welcome to the forums!

I want to say I shuddered a bit when you mentioned the doubled-over belt. (By the way I should mention I was an only child.) I can still dimly recall getting that too. Before he spanked me with it my father liked to hold each end of his doubled-over belt in one of his hands, move them close together (which caused the two sections of belt to forum a gap), & then quickly pull his hands apart causing the belt to make a sharp snapping sound.

I'm an old man now. But I still have this image in my mind of one occasion. I don't know what I might have done. But my father apparently decided I needed a spanking. (I must have been around 6 or 7 years old.) Somehow I wedged myself between the headboard of my bed & the wall behind it. And I recall standing there crying, begging him not to hit me while he stood beside the bed smiling & telling me to come out & take it like a man. That's it. I don't remember anything more of the incident than that.

Anyway... your post motivated me to share that memory from my own childhood. I hope you find becoming active in the forums to be of benefit.

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Default Jun 26, 2020 at 04:20 PM
  #3
Dear Worriedtoomuch,

What a nightmarish childhood you have endured. It is utterly heartbreaking what you have been through. I wish I knew what to say to ease your pain. Hopefully these Forums will prove helpful to you. Sometimes it can help just to talk about the ordeals one has been through. I do hope you are able to find some peace in your life and joy of living. I wish you only the best here on the Forums and in your life!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen
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Default Jun 27, 2020 at 07:35 AM
  #4
I'm very very sorry you had to go through all of that @Worriedtoomuch. Such lonely, harrowing, childhood experiences. I wish I could turn back the clock for you and change everything. I'll never understand why so-called 'adults' can treat children in such a terrible way, friend, and I hope Forums at Psych Central will give you something to uplift your spirits and help you find happiness in this life.

A very warm welcome to you, Worriedtoomuch.
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Default Jun 27, 2020 at 11:08 AM
  #5
I am so sorry for what you have had to endure, Worried. I am sending you love and peace and serenity for all time. Much love.

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