advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
Quanticia
Member
 
Quanticia's Avatar
Quanticia has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2014
Location: Greece
Posts: 107
8 yr Member
159 hugs
given
Trig Jul 03, 2020 at 09:50 AM
  #1
Few months ago, I recalled a memory I'd supressed for almost 20 years. Three boys had tried raping me. I thought I was done with my memories from that school, but apparently I have this last Jack-in-the-box to deal with.
I can't stop thinking about it. And it rekindles more memories from that era, memories I thought I'd defeated, such as getting thrashed, getting bullied, and a classmate throwing me down the stairs. I'm not exactly scared, not anymore, though I'm still kinda jumpy, and still have fantasies of beating people. Mostly, there is something in those memories I feel I cannot let pass. Something I can change from inside me, even now. I have no idea what. I'm obsessing over that feeling, but I can't figure what it is. It's annoying.
There's a bright side. I always felt that something was wrong inside me, and suddenly a lot of things make sense. Remembering the attempted rape unlocked something. I finally have a shot at facing this, at getting unblocked. Which is nice.

Last edited by Guiness187055; Jul 09, 2020 at 08:13 PM.. Reason: add trigger warning
Quanticia is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote

advertisement
SorryShaped
Grand Magnate
 
SorryShaped's Avatar
SorryShaped has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2017
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 3,273
5 yr Member PC PoohBah!
Default Jul 03, 2020 at 10:08 AM
  #2
Hoping for the best for this. It took me almost 35 years of trying to repress my life but it didn't work. I fought the PTSD and didn't know that's what it was.
SorryShaped is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Quanticia
childofchaos831
Elder
 
childofchaos831's Avatar
childofchaos831 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2016
Location: Texas
Posts: 5,037
5 yr Member
15 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jul 06, 2020 at 12:57 AM
  #3
I had memories come back last October, after nearly 19 years. I am right there with you. I thought I was getting past that traumatic part of my life and then boom...

I'm here if you want to talk... PMs are open.

__________________


Diagnoses:
PTSD with Dissociative Symptoms, Borderline Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain
childofchaos831 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Quanticia
Quanticia
Member
 
Quanticia's Avatar
Quanticia has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2014
Location: Greece
Posts: 107
8 yr Member
159 hugs
given
Default Jul 06, 2020 at 04:01 PM
  #4
Quote:
Originally Posted by SorryShaped View Post
Hoping for the best for this. It took me almost 35 years of trying to repress my life but it didn't work. I fought the PTSD and didn't know that's what it was.
Thank you for your reply, SorryShaped. It is a really tough situation to be in. I hope everything is better now.

On the one side I'm happy to know I'm not alone, on the other side I wish it was rarer for someone to go through this. Sigh. Life is complicated.
Quote:
Originally Posted by childofchaos831 View Post
I had memories come back last October, after nearly 19 years. I am right there with you. I thought I was getting past that traumatic part of my life and then boom...

I'm here if you want to talk... PMs are open.
Thank you so much for your reply, Childofchaos! It's good to know that I'm not alone. I'm not sure if I feel like discussing it in depth yet, as I'm still sorting out the mess in my head... but please do mail me if you need to talk! Stay strong
Quanticia is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
childofchaos831
Open Eyes
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Open Eyes's Avatar
Open Eyes Not a Unicorn, just another horse
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,086 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
21.3k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jul 11, 2020 at 03:05 AM
  #5
From what you shared it had to do with how others tried to take your power away and overpower you in some way. It's something you never processed and can get triggered when you feel threatened. Keep reminding yourself you are safe now and even though these others threatened you in some way they did not take your power away and you moved on in your life.
Open Eyes is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Quanticia
Anonymous42894
Guest
Anonymous42894 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default Jul 12, 2020 at 02:15 PM
  #6
My memories of childhood abuse only surfaced after my abuser died, 35 years after the abuse ended. It was clarifying, as you say, about many issues I had dealt with my whole life, but also scary. You sound like you've been triumphant over so much already, and you are being optimistic. That's inspiring.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Quanticia
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:09 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.