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OftenReflective
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Default Jul 24, 2020 at 11:24 AM
  #1
Hey all, I'm new here and wanted to ask some questions. I'm posting about weapons and combat experiences, not sure how to warn the best way but I wanted to mention it here. Some of my background is having a troubled childhood, and then I am also a combat vet with mild tbi's from close proximity to explosives which is the cause of most of my issues I think. I have done emdr to moderate effect, and have really practiced grounding techniques, along with treating my symptoms with meds. Even so, I still avoid stuff and am often hyper-vigilant, which brings me to my experience today.

I have currently been up for a long time, going on 24 hours. Sleep problems are still the norm though my nightmares have lessened in frequency and intensity. Regardless I was feeling good this morning and decided to go to the gun range early since I have a sidearm I have not fired in years and I at least needed to make sure it works. (I was not sleep deprived at this point btw).
It has been about a decade since I last was firing weapons. I have been avoiding this for literally years. I know I will be having a little stress but I don't expect what follows.

I get to the range and it is quite busy. I have a paper cardboard target stand I have never used. I have trouble putting it together. I notice immediately upon trying to get setup I'm having a lot of anxiety, more than I usually do even when I'm usually triggered. I end up having to rig up the target in a unusual way but it works.

I go to start shooting and BAM I start having a panic attack, almost throw up, tunnel vision, hyperventilating. I start deep breathing techniques and focusing on the breath. I send about 30 rounds down range changing my mags and loading them, so still functioning but barely. I feel like I'm getting shot at again. I decide I need to leave when my target falls over from my last shot and pick up my stuff and I leave shaking.

So, my questions follow: Is it typical to have such strong recurrence of such strong reactions? Can new symptoms occur, after treatment? Should I expect to never be fixed? And finally, I was thinking of going there more often to expose myself to the range, but in smaller doses. Maybe I will just sit in the car for a while. Then actually go to shoot. IDK.

I know I'll never be back to my pre-trauma self, but I didn't expect to have such a reaction to being at the range. Thanks for any replies and I hope you have a good day.
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Default Jul 24, 2020 at 08:41 PM
  #2
I can't tell you for sure that you wont continue to be sensitive. You may decrease being triggered if you do as you suggested and go more for less time so you can see if more exposure helps. Perhaps even go and watch others shoot at targets? Perhaps wear something over your ears to reduce the sounds of the guns going off? You may have done that already, idk.

I wonder if you could even go and tape the sounds and bring the tape to therapy and play the tape while doing emdr.

Personally, I don't think a person can expect to completely erase the ptsd sensitivities. I think a person can reduce the intensity.

I am sorry because I know first hand what you are describing experiencing. I don't have combat/service related ptsd, but I definitely have ptsd so the symptoms are the same. I share the same desire to want to be the me before I developed the challenge of ptsd.

Welcome to psych central OftenReflective.
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Default Jul 24, 2020 at 09:41 PM
  #3
Quote:
I wonder if you could even go and tape the sounds and bring the tape to therapy and play the tape while doing emdr.
Hey thanks for the reply, this is brilliant I didn't think of it, I'll bring it up to my therapist. This situation sucks, but I'm appreciative to be able to talk to people who have gone through it too. Glad to be here
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Default Jul 25, 2020 at 04:48 PM
  #4
Hi OR, All I can contribute is that my husband is a Vietnam vet with PTSD. He despises firearms of any kind and won't touch one. If he did, he would just trigger his PTSD.

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Default Jul 27, 2020 at 10:46 AM
  #5
Ya it's funny, I feel the need to have a firearm around me pretty much 24/7. Yet even the thought of needing to use it gets me spun up. Maybe that is why I am so surprised at what happened, maybe there is some denial there, idk. I am hoping I can get to the point where the firing range is separated out from my past experiences. I don't know it sometimes seems impossible to fight this stuff. One thing I have had to admit as true is that the more I avoid stuff the worse my symptoms get. Figuring out that I'm always going to be working at this has been pretty bitter.

I think I'm mostly just venting my frustration at this point. It's probably just part of the process. I think I get unrealistic expectations at times and it's good to hear from people that have more experience in this arena, even if it's not what I wanted to hear. It mirrors what I have heard from other knowledgeable people too. I'm just going to work at it, and try to accept how it is. Thanks for the reply Bethrags, have a good day.
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