Its hard to be real when people assume real is fantasy.

My Dad, who I was told isn't my actual dad, was a true psychopath who had committed murders. He was quick to violence. I was accustomed to tables flipped, people being beat up. weapons displayed and visits from violent friends dad had who were in the modb and in both notorious biker gangs. Dad owned businesses and employed tough guys and my childhood involved seeing drug addicts, armed robberies, violent clashes at union meetings, jury member intimidation, jury tampering, menacing, assaults and stuff,

I was molested at 12 by a Desk Clerk at Disney World. He molested me and my female cousin. Dad started sleeping with my step sister - a stepdaughter to him. She was 16. Meanwhile my Gf 14 started sleeping with her stepfather George who was my Dad's gangster friend.

At school I was picked on extremely roughly. actually beat up because my step sister was flirting with teachers and sleeping with older guys. Somehow this reflected poorly on to my family and me. Before long I started to become violent myself. I started fighting back but not in a normal way. It's as if my innocence was stolen and I was shy, kind, yet when threatened I became evil and I could invoke just the right behaviour and summon up words that could pinpoint a person's fear. I was labeled crazy.

Around 16 to 18 I was a drinker and I could fight having seven years of jiu jitsu training. I was never a bully and always quick to forgive but I never backed down and I was afraid while out to dominate and conquer opponents. I was disturbed because I told people I could harm them and I felt I could but once they were not resistant and became passive it was as if evil left me and an angel arrived because I stopped all aggression and became friendly and cool. Again, this made me appear to be insane. But my life involved survival around thugs, gangsters, bikers, dealers, criminals... I was never robbed nor did I allow anyone to harm me.