triggered and freaking out

so i'm looking at getting a 'newer/different' vehicle, going from a car to an suv. my parents have been searching for me too, trying to find 'good ideas/options'. [i've only had a car previously, so i have zero knowledge of suv designs or things like that.....]


my mom sent me a link for a 'good deal suv' yesterday. i looked at the email last night and noticed that this suv had a 'panoramic view/sun-roof/moon-roof' thingy on it. this was my first time seeing one like this, and we are looking at the same model type.

i think i immediately got this like cold-sense sent thru my body. the idea of having 'glass' next to my head i think just sent me going.


so i replied to my mom saying 'i doubt i'd be comfortable with having more glass next to my head'. she replied today, basically saying i could close it and the view would be gone - something like that.

tonight, i find i'm having flashbacks of BOTH my car-crash from five years ago and my car-accident from many years ago!! apparently just thinking about having a vehicle with a 'glass top' is super unsettling to me.

and my mind isn't stopping there. it's taking things even farther!



if my mom 'pushes' this suv on me (mainly cuz of the good value), what do i do since i can't explain this? h**l, i can't even talk to anyone IRL about my ptsd!


[the five-year anniversary mark for my car crash was just seven days ago! talk about horrible timing, uh?! ]

You have been through a lot! Car crashes stink. From what you wrote it seems you feel that your mom is pushy. In my mind, it's more controlling. If she is the one buying the SUV then fine she does have a say. But if you are the one paying for it then it's YOUR decision.

Letting people control you is and will hurt you, not them. A brain injury adds another layer of questions. Did you feel your mom/family can controlled you before the car accidents? It's an ugly fact, and it's hard to handle for some people, but if you let them take control or give too much input then it will create more emotions and pain for you.

Please be kind to yourself. Life is never easy. I have been through a car accident too, and you can grow from those painful times.

You can and will get through this hard time. Reaching out to us here helps get the emotions out. Strength doesn't just happen, it takes consistent, daily effort and is totally worth every second!!

I don’t care for sun roofs either. I would be uncomfortable too. If it’s going to be your car then you have a right to say you do not want a sun roof.

i think what shocked me most was the 'random' trigger and the size of the reaction it provoked!

it's a seriously complex and complicated thing, and long story short - she does have a say in it, unfortunately.

but i'm doing better now - i guess you could say back down to my 'usual' amount of flashbacks.

i went thru a 'period' last year where i was 'too the point' of considering wearing a hard-hat while i was driving. aka - protecting my head from the "next" incident. but i realize how that sounds and didn't want to be 'that bad', even though the thoughts are already there in my head! i also don't want to be that afraid of the 'random', even fully aware that my recent two brain injuries (including my car-crash) came from 'seemingly random' things. but that's the trauma in me, isn't it?!?

I was in a car accident too and my head hit the windshield and broke the windshield. I drive very differently since that happened. I think it’s important to feel safe and to have that respected.

i don't think i have felt 'safe' subconsciously in a vehicle since my crash. that was taken from me, when the other guy hit me for no logical reason whatsoever!!!