do i have mental illness?

6 years ago i was molested by a family member and never told anyone about this matter. After that I got into a relationship was a man that i thought i was in love with but after getting out of it after 5 years i was being emotionally abused by him and 2 years the abuse went on. And all these problems carried into my new relationship to the guy i am married too. we've had our fair share of problems in our life one due to my past problems and our marriage problems. and i did have a breakdown 2 years ago. but my husband and I are on the verge of a seperation and we do want out. not only that. my husband cheated on me with not knowing about it and i cheated on him. our sex drive is very low so i had a short fling with another man to have sex with. but never told my husband that i was trying to have sex with another man, but never went through with the sex.

its like i am living 2 personalities and have lost my identity. i hide it very well and not have anyone finding out about this. I've tried to committ sucide 6 day's ago. i took a knife trying to stab myself but my husband caught up with me. My parents dont know i am mentally disturbed. no one knows. am i sick? sometimes i cant stand my parents or my in laws. sometimes i cant even stand myself. i dont want to hurt my husband anymore than this but I cant stand him either. what is the matter with me?

Please call your local crisis help line or go to the nearest ER. There really is help available.

First you need help getting yourself safe. You deserve a good life. Therapy can really work wonders, as sometimes can prescribed medication.

Hi Sally, sexual abuse disturbs emotional, social and mental development. You learn that people can and will hurt you and then you can even think that this is all you deserve. It can lower your self-worth because obviously this person is not treating you with the respect you deserve so you learn that you are not worthy of respect and you feel that you are worthless. This abuse teaches a person that they cannot have personal boundaries, tell others no and protect themselves. This abuse teaches a person to not focus on their own needs but to only meet the needs of others (your needs were sacrified for the needs of the abuser). Finally, this abuse teaches a person that they are weak and powerless and at the mercy of others. These are just a few of the things that I can think of right now. All of these things can be corrected with therapy so that you can have a much better life in the future. Nothing will change, however, unless you take action, have a plan and do the work to get better.

sally are you ok???...lyn