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Old 06-26-2014, 06:00 PM #1
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Default How Long?

if you had ppd, how long did it last? i have regular depression but there's this extra layer ever since having a baby a year ago.

i feel terrible my baby cries and i want to scream. when he's a happy baby i'm happy but when he's upset my anxiety shoots up really high. this is my second kid. if i hear a baby cry like on tv or nearby, my anxiety shoots up and i want to punch a wall or hide and scream. when he was first born sometimes i would hide and cover my ears and my hubs would have to deal with him.

i'm in therapy and antidepressants don't work. i have a med my doc uses off label that had dealt mostly with my regular depression before i got pregnant (couldn't take while preggo). but it hasn't worked since having my baby

i'm very depressed and my t is very, very worried about me as is my hubs. it's been a year and i'm only getting worse.
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Old 06-26-2014, 06:35 PM #2
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Default Re: How Long?

Hello, NowhereUSA. Each of us is different. What works for one does not always work for all.

My thought is you must be more assertive in getting your treatment team more proactive in helping you.
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Old 06-26-2014, 06:38 PM #3
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Default Re: How Long?

Quote:
Originally Posted by glok View Post
Hello, NowhereUSA. Each of us is different. What works for one does not always work for all.

My thought is you must be more assertive in getting your treatment team more proactive in helping you.
i appreciate the sentiment but i will defend my treatment team. i've been incredibly assertive and my t has been working hard to help me. helping me get an earlier appt with my pdoc and giving me some ideas to go talk with my pcp with (who also had some ideas). the problem is that standard treatment doesn't work for me.
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Old 07-25-2014, 06:49 AM #4
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Default Re: How Long?

I know that feeling so well. My spine would hurt from my epidural spot. It stressed me out. The poor kid had colic as well.

Baby 2 came and I spiraled. She cried all the time and I knew it was from the stress I was feeling. When she was sleeping I was either taking care of my son or throwing up.

I think it started tapering off around 4 months. I always had anxiety as a part of my parenting when the kids were young. I think its a person to person thing.

I wish I would have had more help then I did. My normal doctor gave me anti depression med. What I really needed was a therapist. I needed someone other then friends to talk to. I am also bipolar, I had no idea. So I suggest to go to your doctor. Make sure there is no under line problem. See a therapist and try to find some mommy time just for you.
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Last edited by buzz bee; 07-25-2014 at 06:50 AM. Reason: spellling error
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Old 07-25-2014, 12:25 PM #5
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Default Re: How Long?

thanks. i'm seeing a pdoc and i see a therapist weekly so i do have that support. it's just a rough ride. and now my baby is a year old and turning into a toddler. which means he is starting to be demanding. argle bargle flargle. sometimes i want to ship him off to toddler boarding school. i don't think they have those.

but mostly i want to feel okay. i want to love my kiddos and connect with them
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Old 07-27-2014, 11:30 AM #6
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Default Re: How Long?

Try to relax and enjoy these moments. It really is true it goes so fast. You might not see that right now, but its in a blink.

A nurse once told me this
Our real goal is to raise a child to be respectful, generous, kind, and educated. They are our future and doing whats best for them. Also it important they know they are loved and excepted.

Hug them, kiss them, play with them, and enjoy them while they explore the world.
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Last edited by buzz bee; 07-27-2014 at 11:33 AM. Reason: Rephrase
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Old 07-28-2014, 08:14 AM #7
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Default Re: How Long?

i guess that's the problem with ppd. i don't want my kids right now. i don't feel good when i hug them or play with them. it feels like a torturous chore that i have to do. i'd rather just crawl into bed with the covers over my head. (i kind of feel worse now - great, i'm going to suffer through this ppd during times i "should" be enjoying and there's not really a damn thing i can do about it).
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Old 08-19-2014, 03:53 PM #8
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Default Re: How Long?

I realize this thread is stale now, and am not sure if you'll come back to read it. I wanted to say, though, that I totally understand what you're going through. I love my kids, but had really bad PPD with both of them. Being around them wasn't fulfilling when they were little...I didn't have the energy or the stability to 'just relax and enjoy them'. Every cry lit me up inside, and even when they were playful and happy, often I was still too overwhelmed with the PPD to join in or appreciate it. I totally know what you mean when you say you don't want the kids right now, and that you feel like they're a chore. I know how it feels when you aren't connecting with them emotionally (at least the 'good' emotions). I also know how soul-crushing it is to be aware that we're supposed to be all these things to our children and they're supposed to be fulfilling our souls, and to have that not be your experience. I felt (and still do, often) ashamed of that, broken, like a failure as a mother. And it didn't feel like there was a damn thing I could do about it. The helpful advice from others to just enjoy this time was like a knife in my gut every time...if I could have 'just enjoyed' it, I would have! That was the problem. Pointing out what I already knew were my shortcomings wasn't helpful or supportive - just contributed more to the self-loathing, frustration, grief and anger.

With my first, I don't think I ever really came out of it...it got slightly better after about a year or so, but not awesome. Then I got pregnant again & had a miscarriage. Hormones went all over the place. Honestly, I don't have very many memories at all from her first several years...I see videos I took and don't remember being there. I never sought treatment during this time, which was really a bad idea, looking back.

When I had my son (almost 4 years after my daughter), I got the PPD again, but worse. This time, I talked to my doctor; she prescribed me an anti-depressant at around 6 months or so. It helped with the really low parts, but muted everything. I became really apathetic...nothing was enjoyable. It was better than the depression for me, but my husband thinks it was almost worse. I weaned off those another 6 months or so later (could have been longer). I think the depression finally cleared up when my son was 18 months to 2 years old.

Really good for the past almost 2 years. Then another major episode has kicked in now...just my regular depression. Those couple of years were nice, though.
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Old 08-20-2014, 07:01 AM #9
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Default Re: How Long?

Quote:
Originally Posted by NoIdeaWhatToDo View Post
I realize this thread is stale now, and am not sure if you'll come back to read it. I wanted to say, though, that I totally understand what you're going through. I love my kids, but had really bad PPD with both of them. Being around them wasn't fulfilling when they were little...I didn't have the energy or the stability to 'just relax and enjoy them'. Every cry lit me up inside, and even when they were playful and happy, often I was still too overwhelmed with the PPD to join in or appreciate it. I totally know what you mean when you say you don't want the kids right now, and that you feel like they're a chore. I know how it feels when you aren't connecting with them emotionally (at least the 'good' emotions). I also know how soul-crushing it is to be aware that we're supposed to be all these things to our children and they're supposed to be fulfilling our souls, and to have that not be your experience. I felt (and still do, often) ashamed of that, broken, like a failure as a mother. And it didn't feel like there was a damn thing I could do about it. The helpful advice from others to just enjoy this time was like a knife in my gut every time...if I could have 'just enjoyed' it, I would have! That was the problem. Pointing out what I already knew were my shortcomings wasn't helpful or supportive - just contributed more to the self-loathing, frustration, grief and anger.

With my first, I don't think I ever really came out of it...it got slightly better after about a year or so, but not awesome. Then I got pregnant again & had a miscarriage. Hormones went all over the place. Honestly, I don't have very many memories at all from her first several years...I see videos I took and don't remember being there. I never sought treatment during this time, which was really a bad idea, looking back.

When I had my son (almost 4 years after my daughter), I got the PPD again, but worse. This time, I talked to my doctor; she prescribed me an anti-depressant at around 6 months or so. It helped with the really low parts, but muted everything. I became really apathetic...nothing was enjoyable. It was better than the depression for me, but my husband thinks it was almost worse. I weaned off those another 6 months or so later (could have been longer). I think the depression finally cleared up when my son was 18 months to 2 years old.

Really good for the past almost 2 years. Then another major episode has kicked in now...just my regular depression. Those couple of years were nice, though.
I understand, and my depression has turned into recurrent depression, unfortunately. Talk to a doctor, staying on a low dosage of an antidepressant for long term might be an answer (for life, but low dose) to prevent relapse. Good luck
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