In the middle of a job I have been doing for 10 years. Ten years ago (before psych meds), my accuracy and speed were always in the top 5 percent (back then, the company had a facility in town where it was easy to compare my performance, now I work remotely). Since my 2015 attempt, I am not the same. My brain doesn't work like is used to. I make little grammatical errors all of the time when I post on PC. I don't ruminate but I used to get some great ideas when my brain was in that mode sometimes. However, yesterday, I forgot to take my Sertraline after breakfast and I was my old self, achieving the two bonuses for speed and accurracy very quickly due to the return of my intense concentration.

I have been struggling to make my bonuses this assignment and the sertraline I take for my anxiety and hyperactiveness is the reason. I notice that on this stuff I forget words, make more mistakes and overlook details. If I lived alone I would give the stuff up but on my walk with H yesterday afternoon, I was impatient with him, making him upset. So I took the d@** stuff after that walk and the makeup sex sucked too.

So I guess I will take the pill after work rather than in the morning so that I suck less at work. If I take it right before H comes home, I will be a more compliant, obediant wife!

One positive thing. It is Easter Day. I attempted on Easter Day (though it was April 5, 2015) and am no longer freaked out by the anniversary. I now see it as a milestone in my life where I began to understand myself better.

[LonesomeTonight]

Maybe consider trying a different SSRI?

Perhaps. I will bring it up on my end of May appt with my psych. In the meantime, am just cutting back as usual....

So my come on last night was "I am wearing a black bra I forgot I had that I really love and I didn't take my pill today because I want to badly to get where I couldn't get to last night." I am lucky to have a husband who is always ready and willing. It was great then he asked for me to take my medication afterwards. I did because I love him and want to be what he wants. I was hyper when he got home yesterday but boy was I ever productive and error free in my remote job yesterday. I start work in one hour. We will see how I feel. If I expect to feel off, am I just sabatoguing myself with this kind of thinking?

It's a good thing he doesn't want me to rob a bank. lol

I've been feeling quite tired today and only worked a bit more than 3 hours. I am sure the Zoloft is part, but not all, of the reason. Even my husband admits he notices me missing things and becoming a zombie when I take more of it. Yet he prefers when I am on it. I am not sure how much I really need it. I am getting better at figuring out when I am at my limit and need help from medications. That I am better at this than I used to be maybe means it is OK to cut back on some of the things I take (not all at once of course)? I have and will continue discussing with my psychiatrist. I am open to her about nearly everything though I have noticed that it all goes in my VA record which does limit a few things I say. With civilian psychiatrists and psychologists--they wrote little of it down--one psychologist even told me she purposely kept diagnosis pretty generic and made few notes because she didn't want to put anything in the record that could come back to haunt someone; with the VA, it all goes on paper so if makes me hesitant to let a few things get documented. Also, I am hesitant about what I can say here too! There are situations on this forum where I have figured out who people are from something they said and my family knows I post here too!