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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2014
Location: Wonderland-Everyoneland
Posts: 1,533
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#1
In January I start my internship at a hospital.... I am afraid of taking meds because of cognitive side effects and sedation. I do not want to take them, but my therapist encourages me to give them another try (he got me an emergency appointment with a psychiatrist, so I guess he things it is not a joke).
I cannot tolerate AP I cannot tolerate SSRI and similar (they made me manic/hypo) I can tolerate small amounts of a tryciclic antidepressant and tianeptine, but they do not work long term. Valproic acid made me complete emotionless. My problem is my emotions are crazy: I feel OK while wanting to cry, I feel depressed while wanting to go running because my body is full of energy, I get racing thoughts and voices while feeling too tired to do anything, I get SH urges while feeling like I had taken LSD because then It looks like something fun to do (as if I were in Wonderland). Insanely they are not caused by anythubg external, the only thing that is caused by sonthing external is paranoia, some voices, anxiety an panic due to PTSD. Prazosin helps with this, which usually gets worse when my mood is not stable. I am seen a new psychiatrist on 30 december (if my paranoia doesnt prevent me to go). I am afraid she would think I am lying and pretending to be psychotic or bipolar, I doubt I am either, I think I may have some sort of mild cyclothymia/psychotish flavour(could be caused by PTSD, by being hit in the head as a child, by stress...). I think I could deal with It by my own if I had therapy at least once a month (I see him once 3/4 months...). Rigth now the thing that most bothera me is being afraid to go outside during the day, I am afraid of people watching me. Social life is my most affected area, I have 0 (I can deal with studying, I cant with saying "Hi") Anyway, It is not that bad. I have passed all my examns. After I finish my Internship and final year project I will be graduated (pharmacy). Any tip? __________________ Crazy, inside and aside Meds: bye bye meds CPTSD and some sort of depression and weird perceptions "Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as human, a
thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that humanity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance." I have no mouth and I must scream -Harlan Ellison- |
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bpcyclist
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Travelinglady
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Sep 2010
Location: North Carolina
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#2
I suggest you try meds again at least until you get ell established into therapy.
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bpcyclist, OliverB
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OliverB
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2012
Location: new england
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#3
It isn't a joke.
You may need meds, you may be able to try some alternatives or use those as additional treatment-talk/ (regular exercise, yoga/meditation/massages/anything that takes all your focus but allows you to let the bad stuff go/be soothed). If you need meds, work with your doc to come up with what helps you most and bothers you least...it can take time... If you can be honest about your MH needs in the future with others, do. You may need extra time off at times, or other adjustments as you work through this. ((((hug)))) Do you think some symptoms may ease when you are done with school/exams etal? [I know it was true for me some years ago] __________________ "...don't say Home / the bones of that word mend slowly...' marie harris |
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bpcyclist, OliverB
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#4
I am very sorry you are struggling at this important time. That said, you sound to me like you are already clearly psychotic. Therapy ain't gonna fix that, as my grandfather would have said.
I worked as a surgeon all over the world for many years, but my illness finally caught up with me and I had to hang it up. If you try to do this on your own, I personally doubt that you will be able to pull it off for long. Not trying to be mean or unsupportive, just being real. Hospitals are stressful workplaces. Not everyone is nice. I suggest strongly that you start now trying to find some good meds for yourself. Wishing you lots of luck!! __________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
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OliverB, winter4me
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LilyMop, OliverB
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2014
Location: Wonderland-Everyoneland
Posts: 1,533
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#5
Quote:
I am very sorry your Bipolar disorder messed with your job How do you deal with that? __________________ Crazy, inside and aside Meds: bye bye meds CPTSD and some sort of depression and weird perceptions "Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as human, a
thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that humanity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance." I have no mouth and I must scream -Harlan Ellison- |
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bpcyclist
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bpcyclist, WastingAsparagus
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2014
Location: Wonderland-Everyoneland
Posts: 1,533
9 589 hugs
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#6
Quote:
I have already passed all my examns but one I have in January. I am not distressed by it. __________________ Crazy, inside and aside Meds: bye bye meds CPTSD and some sort of depression and weird perceptions "Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as human, a
thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that humanity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance." I have no mouth and I must scream -Harlan Ellison- |
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bpcyclist
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WastingAsparagus
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2014
Location: Wonderland-Everyoneland
Posts: 1,533
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#7
__________________ Crazy, inside and aside Meds: bye bye meds CPTSD and some sort of depression and weird perceptions "Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as human, a
thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that humanity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance." I have no mouth and I must scream -Harlan Ellison- |
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bpcyclist
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Travelinglady, WastingAsparagus
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Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 257
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#8
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WastingAsparagus
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#9
Quote:
Yeah, I guess what I meant was, you don't have to meet full DSM 5 criteria for a psychotic disorder to be experiencing psychotic symptoms. That's what I was driving at. And yes, you can totally work with some degree of that. Not gonna get into my whole thing, but I definitely was productive while partly psychotic at times. Those folks who tried to tell you couldn't work and be symptomatic don't know very much about mental illness. Losing my career was very difficult, but at the time, I was so unbelievably sick that I didn't recognize what was happening., It has been a huge adjustment, that is for certain. __________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
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CutegirlS, OliverB
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WastingAsparagus
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2014
Location: Wonderland-Everyoneland
Posts: 1,533
9 589 hugs
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#10
Quote:
__________________ Crazy, inside and aside Meds: bye bye meds CPTSD and some sort of depression and weird perceptions "Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as human, a
thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that humanity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance." I have no mouth and I must scream -Harlan Ellison- |
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WastingAsparagus
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#11
Regardless of the mental illness diagnosis some individuals are very high functioning and can hold down a job despite it. The job helps them to keep focus on things outside of our head. You wont know until you give it a try.
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OliverB
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Student of Life
Member Since Mar 2014
Location: South America
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#12
If anything, meds have helped me hold a job and be functional. As you are stating it, it seems that you think that meds will cause you not to be functional.
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OliverB
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2014
Location: Wonderland-Everyoneland
Posts: 1,533
9 589 hugs
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#13
They made me non functional in the past.
__________________ Crazy, inside and aside Meds: bye bye meds CPTSD and some sort of depression and weird perceptions "Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as human, a
thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that humanity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance." I have no mouth and I must scream -Harlan Ellison- |
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WastingAsparagus
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Student of Life
Member Since Mar 2014
Location: South America
Posts: 4,658
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#14
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OliverB
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OliverB
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