Taking meds while holding a high demanding job

I am very sorry you are struggling at this important time. That said, you sound to me like you are already clearly psychotic. Therapy ain't gonna fix that, as my grandfather would have said.

It isn't a joke.
You may need meds, you may be able to try some alternatives or use those as additional treatment-talk/ (regular exercise, yoga/meditation/massages/anything that takes all your focus but allows you to let the bad stuff go/be soothed). If you need meds, work with your doc to come up with what helps you most and bothers you least...it can take time...
If you can be honest about your MH needs in the future with others, do. You may need extra time off at times, or other adjustments as you work through this. ((((hug)))) Do you think some symptoms may ease when you are done with school/exams etal? [I know it was true for me some years ago]

I suggest you try meds again at least until you get ell established into therapy.

In January I start my internship at a hospital.... I am afraid of taking meds because of cognitive side effects and sedation. I do not want to take them, but my therapist encourages me to give them another try (he got me an emergency appointment with a psychiatrist, so I guess he things it is not a joke).


I cannot tolerate AP

I cannot tolerate SSRI and similar (they made me manic/hypo)

I can tolerate small amounts of a tryciclic antidepressant and tianeptine, but they do not work long term.

Valproic acid made me complete emotionless.


My problem is my emotions are crazy: I feel OK while wanting to cry, I feel depressed while wanting to go running because my body is full of energy, I get racing thoughts and voices while feeling too tired to do anything, I get SH urges while feeling like I had taken LSD because then It looks like something fun to do (as if I were in Wonderland).


Insanely they are not caused by anythubg external, the only thing that is caused by sonthing external is paranoia, some voices, anxiety an panic due to PTSD. Prazosin helps with this, which usually gets worse when my mood is not stable.


I am seen a new psychiatrist on 30 december (if my paranoia doesnt prevent me to go). I am afraid she would think I am lying and pretending to be psychotic or bipolar, I doubt I am either, I think I may have some sort of mild cyclothymia/psychotish flavour(could be caused by PTSD, by being hit in the head as a child, by stress...). I think I could deal with It by my own if I had therapy at least once a month (I see him once 3/4 months...). Rigth now the thing that most bothera me is being afraid to go outside during the day, I am afraid of people watching me. Social life is my most affected area, I have 0 (I can deal with studying, I cant with saying "Hi")


Anyway, It is not that bad. I have passed all my examns. After I finish my Internship and final year project I will be graduated (pharmacy).


Any tip?

How could I be psychotic while being able to pass examns and work (in a bar)? I mean, I know I have a psychotic flavour, but isn't true psychosis much more severe? I have been told "You are unable to.../I think you can't..." So many times. I was even told to stop going to high school! (And join some sort of occupational pseudo school), then I was told it wouldn't be possible for me to deal with college or holding a job (and I do both).

I am very sorry your Bipolar disorder messed with your job
How do you deal with that?

Tip? Go to the appointment and seriously consider/do what the doctor tells you because otherwise it sounds like there's at least a 50/50 chance you'll crash and burn during the internship and potentially risk not graduating on time, if ever, and/or cause irreparable harm to any future chance in that field.

They made me non functional in the past.