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Elder
puzzclar
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Member Since: Jan 2010
Location: Where? US
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#1
I've repeatedly said that I want off meds. It's been 15 long hard years of repeated attempts that haven't been successful. I was diagnosed with MDD with psychosis, anxiety and PTSD. Yesterday I didn't take any. I did call my pdoc and left a message that I'm coming off meds. She wasn't pleased. She feels I still need them. But I'm sick and tired off putting toxins that may or may not be helping. I've told her that yet she put me on a new med. My life is s*** now. My dreams are being taken from me at this time. I can't continue like I am today. I have to have change!!!! I need a clear head. I need to make a decision about what the future will look like. Last night I had a bottle next to my bed, just in case I couldn't sleep. I didn't touch that bottle. Nor do I plan on that.
I sent an email to another provider at my PCP office. I'm hoping that they can take over. I do feel some withdrawal my chest does hurt, some. But I know what I want, and it doesn't include crappy meds that have done little but cause trouble. I'm angry that my pdoc doesn't listen. I know she has seen others, but I'm not others. I have had many hospitalizations for thinking I was going to hurt myself, but never did. And I won't hurt myself. Yet pdoc doesn't understand that I'm stronger willed then I was 15 years ago. |
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bpcyclist
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#2
I am so sorry you are struggling, puzz. I have had treatment-resistant depression for decades. Almost nothing traditional helps.
20 minutes a day of any vigorous, zone 3 exercise is hugely helpful for me virtually always. Emsam did nothing. Lithium was a huge success. Ketamine helps some. And even though you do not have bipolar disorder, if you are truly running out of options, Clozaril is absolute magic for some folks. Lastly, both Wellbutrin and Cymbalta sometimes help people like us. Usually, when it is as bad as you describe, most savvy, caring pdocs will also almost insist on either Provigil or lowish dose Adderal to nudge orbitofrontal dopamine in a happier, more awake and alert zone. Do not underestimate the potential value of this fairly minor-appearing move. Don't give up! Hugs. __________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
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#3
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Elder
puzzclar
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#4
I'm not giving up. I'm wanting a behavioral approach. I had another provider bring up TMS. People around me think that I am the problem. I'm been fighting this, trying everything but truly taking care of me. Some around me think that it's chemical. And I don't! I'm tired of people telling me the brain can't change on its own. It's call d neuroplasticity people, the brain changes more than we know everyday because we don't know every little thing about it.
My approach may not work for others but, I know that because of how I feel my body has responded to what my brain has shared. And I know that most may not even understand what I said. I've done research, I've been stuck, I've frozen, I've fleed, and now I'm fighting back. Anxiety can't control me, because I am going to use it as a tool to learn what I need to to control my body the way I was meant too! I've been through so much, I'm stronger than many realize. Maybe I am a bit delusional, but I know that I have changed. I used to write every night, used to read religious texts, and I had a few friends. Now I avoid writing, I avoid reading, and avoid some relationships. Yes my chemistry in my head has changed, but if I work to make behavior changes and heal my body and spirit, by mind will adjust and thrive! I have been told one too many times that I can't do something, and I want to prove people wrong, and show them I can do anything I put my mind too. |
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Elder
puzzclar
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#5
And you pdoc had to be right. Emotional I'm fine but physical. I've woke up every hour in a sweat. I'm very annoyed!
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sarahsweets
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#6
Have meds never helped one bit? Has it been 15 years of nothing but pain?
__________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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HarperF
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#7
This is terrible. And the pdoc, does she do this out of her genuine intention to help?
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Elder
puzzclar
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#8
Meds have done small amounts of good. I've been on too many.
Pdoc thinks that she is doing right, but I feel like she doesn't trust me to even try going off. I had two days off and my sleep was affected. So I went back on the dumb things. I know my brain can adapt, and it seems like the medical model says here take this it will help. It hasn't helped enough to stay on meds. I need a clear brain without the slowness that I have been having. I'm tired of been a slow thinker. It's affecting my chances at completing my degree. I know I need to be off meds. But NO doc will listen. They just say here take this or try TMS. I won't try TMS. I know that my brain adapted to trauma and not taking good care of me. A behavioral approach is the best way to manage something that isn't responsive to meds. But my pdoc seems to think that I "need" the meds. I keep telling her my cognition is slower, but it doesn't seem she cares because of my past. Too many people hold my past against me, and I'm done, I want to say good bye to those who hold the past so high that change doesn't seem possible! Get lost pdoc, get loss professors who think they know everything! |
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HarperF
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Member Since: Oct 2020
Location: Szeged
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#9
This is a pretty difficult situation. Looks like your old pdoc won't change her mind, no matter what. Is there a way out from this?
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princesscookie19
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Member Since: Aug 2019
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#10
Maybe a nice cuppa hot chocolate and some rest should do it Do you like tea?
-Keep your mind busy -Drink some hot coco -Wear some Pjs and watcha movie -GO and get some comfort food(like popcorn + Chocolate) Hope that helps it helps me |
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sarahsweets
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#11
Aside from you mentioning that meds have only helped a little, what are the other reasons for wanting to be off them>? Why do you think your doc wants you on them?
__________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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Elder
puzzclar
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#12
I'd like to work with my body instead of adding things that I don't even know where they came from. I found a bodyworker that has helped a lot!! She got to the root of a few issues and I seem to be doing better. Otherwise I would have just taken medication, like with my mental health. I want to change how I do things, and I feel that getting rid of the past way of medications will help me to see what I need to do. I know I can do it with the support of meds, but I need speed right now. My professors noticed that I process at a slower speed and I believe that is from the medication. I need to speed back up. I want to learn from anxiety instead of turning to a medication or negative coping skills.
Maybe if I explain this to pdoc she might understand that I'm not going to just sit around doing nothing, I am taking action and fixing my behavior, and posture, and level of activity. I may still use short term, but only for a few weeks to 3 months. I have a plan. I need the support of others to make it happen. |
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WastingAsparagus
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#13
Quote:
__________________ "Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it!” |
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ShaneG
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Member Since: Jul 2020
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#14
Quote:
also read dr peter breggins book Last edited by bluekoi; Oct 31, 2020 at 08:26 PM.. Reason: To bring within community guidelines. |
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Elder
puzzclar
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Member Since: Jan 2010
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#15
Quote:
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Travelinglady, WastingAsparagus
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Travelinglady
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#16
puzz, I sympathize with you. Many meds have been thrown at me over the years and I now have diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment. I know some of my meds are making my memory issues worse.
But I have bipolar, which I believe is a neurological issue, and I stay on my meds to keep my moods stable. I, too, see nutritionist--and have had many kinds of therapy. I think it depends on what our diagnoses are, Could you try behavioral therapy along with just cutting down on a med or two as a suggestion to your doctor? And see if you get better or at least don't have a flare up of symptoms? |
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Grand Magnate
The_little_didgee
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Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: Ontario Land
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#17
I get the impression that you have either been misdiagnosed or being treated inappropriately with psychiatric medication for psychological trauma.
Have you considered getting a second opinion? Do you doubt your diagnosis? Is the treatment causing more harm than good? Quote:
Has anyone at your university suggested a neuropsych assessment? You may have a learning disability. Are you on an antipsychotic or a sedating antidepressant? If so what is it for? ______ P.S. I love the title of this thread. Sometimes I want to tell my psychiatrist to go F herself. __________________ Dx: Didgee Disorder |
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Elder
puzzclar
has no updates.
Member Since: Jan 2010
Location: Where? US
Posts: 5,621
101 hugs
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#18
Quote:
I also asked a PA at my PCP office and he suggested TMS... That's not even what I was trying to get across!! I am working with my behaviors, seeking change, and I will get consistent to make this work. It is tough! The diagnosis doesn't really matter to me. It's all about making a better life for me. And I have asked for support, and for pdoc, not received that support. No one can change me, I have to change myself for my career to happen. For the life I want to live and the SO I want find!! |
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ShaneG
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