Sly things that therapists do, such as chair placement

I never notice anything that was calculating in her office set up. She'd just doesn't seem like the type. Tissues were most always available, yet I appreciated it more when she reached for them to wipe my tears.

I've been trying to think of anything of this kind that my T does, but I honestly can't come up with anything. He has no tissues visible anywhere. His chair is positioned differently at different times. He gets up to shake hands when I'm leaving, but he doesn't walk me to the door - that would be rather weird, I think. He turns off the light when I am lying down, so I don't get the interrogation light in my eyes, though sometimes he has forgotten to do that. His clock is placed where I can see it when I lie down, but not when I sit up, so there doesn't appear to be any particular strategy there, either. He has never asked if there is anything in the physical environment that is uncomfortable for me (there isn't) although he does give me the choice between lying down or sitting up. There is no trace of the previous client, though I am not quite sure what traces there could be.

I have a theory about the tissues. Most ts i've seen have them slightly closer to them than the client, so the client either has to ask the T to pass a tissue, stand up and get one themselves (that's me) or not ask for tissues and cry, or not ask for tissues and not cry. This tells the t alot about the client and maybe their style of asking for help.
Personally if the tissues were inaccessible to me i would rather gouge my eyes than cry or ask T to get me one.

Just my 2 cents worth.

With the amount of clients/patients T's have, I am less inclined to think there's some personal, hidden agenda, where I am personally concerned. Sometimes one client/patient walks out, as I walk in...where's the time to purposefully use sly/clever/manipulating methods on me, just one of many?

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Mine has them the opposite. They're right next to where the client sits so the client can reach them without having to move, get up, or ask.

I agree. In order for most T's to purposefully set up arrangements for individual clients between session and also find time to go to the bathroom, listen to voice messages, speak to coworkers, etc., they'd be running around likely madmen between sessions to get things just so. I actually find the mental image of my T doing this rather amusing, but completely unrealistic.

I am sure thought goes into furniture arrangement in general for their office, but unless something unusual is about to happen like a family group coming in or something that requires rearrangement, I doubt changes usually get made before sessions.

Kleenex boxes? My T's is practically in a different place every time I walk in, evidence that his clients choose to sit in various places and the kleenex is wherever it was needed at that time.

Clock placement? In the T's line of sight just makes logistical sense. They want to be able to glance at the time without it being obvious because that would bother many clients who would interpret clock watching as boredom, etc.

I'm sure there are certain changes made by certain T's for certain clients due to circumstances that they are working with, but I doubt individualizing for patients would be terribly practical much less easy to remember and do consistently.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...-psychotherapy

I dislike that blogger, but the topic there seemed pertinent.

I carry a handkerchief on the exceedingly off chance I might ever need one at the therapy appointment.

No idea where the tissues are because I don't cry in there. Clock is where she can see it but I can't. Pretty sure that is on purpose.

There is an object in the room that I stare at while we talk. One day it was in a different spot and I wondered if she had done it to try to get me to look at here. I didn't ask though.

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Thanks PC people for sharing what you've noticed!

Now, I'm reading a book about how therapists should be grounded and pay attention to their own breathing in order to bring about calmness in the client.

I like knowing this stuff. I find it endlessly fascinating.

Technique seems to be another thing that therapists hone over time. I brought a family member to therapy and then I got to watch while my therapist totally attuned to my family member! Like, it was like I wasn't even there and the therapist made all the sounds and body movements that she normally makes with me.

I found it fascinating and I realized that she has some "go-to" lines that she falls back on to make someone feel good about himself or herself. One of them is, "Good thing you were so smart to figure that out!" ... And, "You relied upon your talent to escape that situation." ....Stuff like that.

So, I know I'm not special. It doesn't mean the compliments aren't true. But the therapist definitely has a bag of tricks to draw upon, so to speak.

The more that I learn about therapy, the more I realize that my therapist excels at her craft. I'm glad she's not so harried in between clients that she actually has time to think about chair placement and other wily things.

I wonder if my T ever has clients who cry, and what they do with the tissues afterwards. And whether he actually does keep tissues anywhere in his office - I can't imagine him offering them to me if I should need them so presumably he just doesn't have any. All the more reason not to cry in therapy!

To be honest, if I did notice any of those "wily things" it would probably make me feel cared for, rather than manipulated. But as I say, I don't think my T does them.

My t hands me the tissues, they are right there in front of me but sometimes I just can't get them because I don't want to draw attention to my crying.
T will get out of her chair and hand them to me, she is the only t who does that and we were thought in t school not to hand clients tissues because it interrupts the process. I believe the opposite, it shows empathy and caring when t hands me the tissues. For someone like me who was severely neglected t is showing me she cares. If she was to just let me suffer it wouldn't show caring and be very cold and exactly like my mother.

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I do this with my kids now. Works wonders for calming an upset child. My son is a very poor sleeper - SNs... This'll get him right off to sleep...
Even if I never make much progress with myself, therapy is worth it for all the random useful things like this I've learned;-)


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I don't think my T does it just for me at all LOL

I do think it is possibly intentional though - for all his clients. That's what annoys me. It also makes me wonder how other clients can stand to sit so close to him, and if they don't mind it, why do I? Yeah - I compare myself. I don't want to sit so fing close to him but it's my only choice unless I physically move the pillow. The pillow should be on the side of the couch IMO. But whatever - his job, his office, his choice.

You can't move the pillow to the side? I move the couch pillow wherever I need it to be.

Yeah - like i said, I can and often do. I just, for some reason, feel very self-conscious doing so. Like it's drawing attention to my issues. But I feel very analyzed with my T.

I doubt your T is analyzing you moving the pillow. My guess is that pillow probably gets moved around all day.

I didn't say it was a rational concern. But it's never on the other side. Obviously it's my own issue. I am very hyper vigilant.

Hmm. When I was a kid I could not sleep if I could hear anybody else breathing. I had to stay awake (pretending to sleep, so I wouldn't make the other person worried) and make sure that my exhaling was not in time with the other person's inhaling, because I had heard about how people breathe out carbon dioxide, and I was terrified of poisoning the other person with my breath. Unfortunately, I shared a bed with two family members until I was about six years old, and that laid the foundation for a lifetime of broken sleep.

Sorry, TMI and completely irrelevant, but I just remembered that...

I can understand this. I would never dream of moving a pillow or anything else in my T's office. I can't even switch off the light when he forgets it.

I have to say, you have covered all the bases!! And they think we don't notice...

My ex-psychiatrist placed both chairs and the couch lower than eye level so he was looking "down" when he talked to me. I took it as a form of intimidation, the "I am God" complex and dumped him.