[WishfulThinker66]

So I am new to therapy. I have had a pdoc to talk to a lot for years but several months ago started to see a psychologist. The first month we met weekly and now month to month.

Okay, so it hasn't entirely gone to my plan. I suppose I entered therapy with preconceptions about what would be involved. What is happening is that I go to a session intent on what I want to talk about yet the T takes the discussion elsewhere. It is frustrating and I find I spend the hour trying to steer the conversation to what I feel is more relevant. By the time I finally get it there though, the hour is over. Grrrrrr!

[Deejay14]

I would let him know what you want to talk about. Write it down to remind nd yourself as you need. It is supposed to be YOUR therapy, right?

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

It's supposed to be about what you want to talk about. So if your T takes the discussion elsewhere, bring it up, say that they always do this, say it bothers you and that you want to be in charge of what is discussed. And if they don't listen to you, you start searching for another T. The therapist cannot know what is important for you to discuss and they should follow your lead.

[WarmFuzzySocks]

Usually I come in with topics I'd like to discuss and direct the discussion. And sometimes my t will take the discussion in an unexpected direction, and I have found the feedback or discussion valuable in retrospect, partly because it is a perspective or insight or direction I hadn't considered.

But it is difficult to focus on topic B if you're trying to discuss A. Maybe there could be some value to asking the t to follow your lead, but set aside the last half/x # minutes of the session to discuss the topic they've got in mind?

[JaneTennison1]

Ex t 2 used do this frequently. If there was silence she would fill it with all kinds of questions and the conversation would run a different way. No real tips except try to be vocal about what you want or don't. When I started with current t I was very up front about needing space to think and decide what to talk about next. It seemed to help.

[skysblue]

I bring a notebook of topics I want to discuss. My T believes that the client directs the session. But she will touch on topics I might want to avoid but will never push the agenda of something I don't want to talk about. She very naturally guides me if she believes that's what's needed but she talks less and I talk more. It's in my control. I would never be comfortable with a T that behaves the way yours does. If I were in your situation, I'd say, "No. I don't want to talk about that right now. I've come to discuss these other matters"

[LonesomeTonight]

I try to bring a list of topics to discuss. T will sometimes go off in some other direction, but he's told me to stop him if he's going in a direction I don't want to go or if there's other stuff I want to discuss. So I try to do that. I'd talk to your T about this.

[Anne2.0]

It is really your responsibility as a client if you have an agenda that you want to discuss. Another person might benefit from a T being more active or directing some of the conversation as you have described-- there is really no right or wrong way if it benefits the client-- but if you know what you need and want, therapy is a great place to begin to articulate that.

It has been my experience that it isn't so easy to *clearly* articulate what I want and sometimes I have to say a version of what skysblue suggested. Sometimes I don't realize that it veered from my agenda and it's been very interesting to go back in and say that X was on my agenda but I found the discussion really was about X.Y. but I didn't know how to say that at the time, or I only realized later. This kind of post hoc discussion of a discussion usually leads to something deeper, like how hard it is to be perfectly clear rather than kind of vaguish or how hard it is to realize I want something different right now but I don't know how to say that. Sometimes the discussions about something not on the agenda and why have moved the original topic forward in ways I didn't anticipate.

[Salmon77]

I'm wondering why your sessions are only once a month? Do you feel like that is adequate? It seems like once a week is pretty standard for psychotherapy, especially in the early stages.

Aside from that, I agree with others that you should get to talk about what you want to talk about. Sometimes getting sidetracked is okay and leads to something valuable but not if you leave feeling frustrated. I wouldn't waste time trying to "steer" the conversation, if he goes off topic maybe just say, "I'd like to finish discussing X before we move on to something else." And if it continues to be a problem maybe you could tell him directly that you feel like he's not letting you say your piece.