My Therapist Dumped Me

chloe_234 · Apr 15, 2017 at 06:16 AM

I am heartbroken
I saw my therapist and she said she couldn't see me anymore because she doesn't think she has the skills to help me. I've been seeing her for 2 and a half years. I don't understand why she couldn't have figured this out earlier!?
I know I was overly attached to her, but she said it was ok, because she was reliable. She told me many times that I could depend on her and she wasn't going anywhere. I feel like I have nothing to live for anymore. My whole world revolved around her.

CantExplain · Apr 15, 2017 at 06:17 AM

Therapists shouldn't make promises they can't keep.

LonesomeTonight · Apr 15, 2017 at 07:17 AM

I'm so sorry--that sounds really painful. Is she giving you a termination period, or was that your last appointment? Did she give you any referrals?

Apr 15, 2017 at 12:34 PM

I am so, so sorry

This breaks my heart. My therapist of seven years did and said the exact same thing to me. I am so sorry.

TishaBuv · Apr 15, 2017 at 12:47 PM

It would have been nicer of her to phase your appointments out slowly, rather than just cold turkey. I'm sorry to hear that happened to you.

magicalprince · Apr 15, 2017 at 01:16 PM

That's awful. If she admits that doesn't have the skills to help you, really reimbursement should be in order. It was her job to have the skills to help you.

luvnola · Apr 15, 2017 at 03:16 PM

Sorry this happened. And yep, it would have been nice of her to figure this out earlier. I've had a couple therapists who referred me bc they couldn't help, which I totally understand as I don't expect every therapist out there to be a specialist in every mental health issue. Did you get referrals? It would be crummy of your t if she didn't give you any. Again, sorry and hope you find someone else if that's the route you choose.

atisketatasket · 05:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by magicalprince

That's awful. If she admits that doesn't have the skills to help you, really reimbursement should be in order. It was her job to have the skills to help you.

Especially after 2 1/2 years. OP, you probably don't feel up to this now, but at some point if it were me I would raise an almighty stink about her realization that she couldn't help you two and a half years in.

slowandgentle · Apr 15, 2017 at 05:36 PM

This is very unfair - and pretty brutal in its execution. I can't stand Ts who do that whole 'I will always be there for you' routine. It should be banned under a code of ethics or something. It's so unrealistic in most cases.

That aside, I am so sorry for you, there's so much pain in the place you are at. Do you have good support outside of T? Can you think of some ways to take care of yourself while you're dealing with these very difficult feelings? I promise, they get better, and there is a whole lot of life on the other side. Unfortunately, there's also grief to get through first, and for those of us who have been abandoned in the past, that can be pretty intense, as it all seems to get rolled up together. Please take good and gentle care of yourself , Chloe

LonesomeTonight · 06:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Especially after 2 1/2 years. OP, you probably don't feel up to this now, but at some point if it were me I would raise an almighty stink about her realization that she couldn't help you two and a half years in.

Agreed...though my very experienced T admitted about 5 years in that she wasn't sure if what she was doing was helping me or enough for me. And brought up the possibility of hospitalization. That also really upset me. I forget if it was in that session or the next one that she said something that really crushed me: "I can't be your mother or your friend." I debated leaving after that...But then the next session, when I asked her about how she suddenly seemed so detached from me, she admitted that she was having some countertransference stuff (maternal) going on and was afraid she'd gotten too close to me to be objective about what I needed. So she was trying to pull back (and probably overcorrected).

So...is it possible something like that's going on maybe? Not that a T would necessarily admit that...(I was surprised that mine did).

CantExplain · Apr 15, 2017 at 06:54 PM

A better approach by T would be:
"I think I've taken you as far as I can and you should consider moving on to another T, such as X. However, I don't expect you to decide straight away."

RainyDay107 · Apr 15, 2017 at 10:08 PM

kecanoe · Apr 16, 2017 at 12:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantExplain

A better approach by T would be:
"I think I've taken you as far as I can and you should consider moving on to another T, such as X. However, I don't expect you to decide straight away."

No kidding. I am so sorry your t made this decision and handled it like this.

Apr 17, 2017 at 04:58 PM

I"m so sorry this happened to you. This happened to me after 7 years with a therapist who clearly couldn't help me. It does get better, although I know that's not much relief right now. Keep posting, we are here for you!

Elizabear · Apr 24, 2017 at 09:41 PM

I'm so sorry this happened to you. The same thing happened to me with a therapist after 8 years. I still can't bring myself to go back into therapy although I know I need too. It's terrible when something like this happens, especially to someone with abandonment issues. I don't understand how they believe this is acceptable patient care.

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CantExplain Big Poppa Member Since Oct 2011 Location: New Zealand Posts: 19,616 (SuperPoster!) 12 19.7k hugs given	Apr 15, 2017 at 06:17 AM #2 Therapists shouldn't make promises they can't keep. __________________ Mr Ambassador, alias Ancient Plax, alias Captain Therapy, alias Big Poppa, alias Secret Spy, etc. Add that to your tattoo, Baby!
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LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 20,739 (SuperPoster!) 9 74.9k hugs given	Apr 15, 2017 at 07:17 AM #3 I'm so sorry--that sounds really painful. Is she giving you a termination period, or was that your last appointment? Did she give you any referrals?
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Anonymous47147 Guest Posts: n/a	Apr 15, 2017 at 12:34 PM #4 I am so, so sorry This breaks my heart. My therapist of seven years did and said the exact same thing to me. I am so sorry.
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TishaBuv Legendary Member Since Dec 2014 Location: USA Posts: 10,181 (SuperPoster!) 9 1,869 hugs given	Apr 15, 2017 at 12:47 PM #5 It would have been nicer of her to phase your appointments out slowly, rather than just cold turkey. I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T
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magicalprince Veteran Member Member Since Dec 2014 Location: US Posts: 639 9 106 hugs given	Apr 15, 2017 at 01:16 PM #6 That's awful. If she admits that doesn't have the skills to help you, really reimbursement should be in order. It was her job to have the skills to help you.
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CantExplain Big Poppa Member Since Oct 2011 Location: New Zealand Posts: 19,616 (SuperPoster!) 12 19.7k hugs given	Apr 15, 2017 at 06:54 PM #11 A better approach by T would be: "I think I've taken you as far as I can and you should consider moving on to another T, such as X. However, I don't expect you to decide straight away." __________________ Mr Ambassador, alias Ancient Plax, alias Captain Therapy, alias Big Poppa, alias Secret Spy, etc. Add that to your tattoo, Baby!
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RainyDay107 Grand Member Member Since Feb 2017 Location: M Posts: 989 7 2,452 hugs given	Apr 15, 2017 at 10:08 PM #12
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Anonymous37953 Guest Posts: n/a	Apr 17, 2017 at 04:58 PM #14 I"m so sorry this happened to you. This happened to me after 7 years with a therapist who clearly couldn't help me. It does get better, although I know that's not much relief right now. Keep posting, we are here for you!
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Elizabear New Member Member Since Apr 2017 Location: Midwest Posts: 8 6 2 hugs given	Apr 24, 2017 at 09:41 PM #15 I'm so sorry this happened to you. The same thing happened to me with a therapist after 8 years. I still can't bring myself to go back into therapy although I know I need too. It's terrible when something like this happens, especially to someone with abandonment issues. I don't understand how they believe this is acceptable patient care.
	Reply With Quote