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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
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#1
Just wondering...how much does everyone chat with their T in session? By "chat," I mean non-therapy stuff. Like, talking about current events, TV shows, sports, pets, etc. If you do chat about stuff like that, do you think it's important to your therapeutic relationship? Like does it help build the connection? Or is it just a waste of time and you try to avoid it? Or somewhere in between?
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SoConfused623
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Poohbah
Member Since Sep 2016
Location: USA
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#2
A little, little bit can help me get started. Like not more than 2 minutes.
__________________ True happiness comes not when we get rid of all our problems, but when we change our relationship to them, when we see our problems as a potential source of awakening, opportunities to practice patience and learn.~Richard Carlson |
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LonesomeTonight
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
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#3
I'll go first. So lately, I've noticed that individual T and I seem to be chatting more. I've been seeing him about 6 months, lately twice a week. In the beginning, it was pretty much strictly therapy stuff. Today, for example (in a 60-minute session), we spent a few minutes each talking about the March Madness college basketball bracket (I initiated that conversation) and how therapists and cops are portrayed on TV shows. I feel like it helps build rapport. And we end up going back to the main therapy topic (he'll apologize for getting off-topic, and I'll say it was just as much me, for example, or I'll just be like, "So as I was saying about X...") So I don't think it detracts too much from the actual therapy. Today, for example, there was a lot of good work done.
It's also not really self-disclosure kind of stuff from T (not like my marriage counselor sharing stories about his kids, other relatives, friends, etc.). Which brings its own sort of issues. (T doesn't talk about his elementary-school aged son at all.) But...is this a common thing? And at what point do things become too familiar/relaxed/friend-like? Edited to add: Or perhaps I'll go second |
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SoConfused623
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: US
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#4
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LonesomeTonight
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Aug 2017
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#5
More than half the time
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LonesomeTonight
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Legendary
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#6
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LonesomeTonight
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Grand Member
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: USA
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#7
As little as I can get away with. I hate small talk. "Hi, how are you? I am fine. Yes it's cold out. Now let's talk about whatever I came to therapy for. The clock is ticking."
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abusedtoy, Anonymous45127, LonesomeTonight
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underdog is here
Member Since Sep 2011
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#8
I did not chat with either of them. I have real people to chat with and the therapist does not get that part of me. The woman tried to chat at the beginning but I cut it off. IF the woman had wanted to build a connection with me and if she would have explained the purpose for such, I might have allowed it. But without that, I was not just going to do it. I never did get a reasonable explanation for why I would want to connect with one of those guys.
__________________ Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. Last edited by stopdog; Mar 13, 2018 at 05:11 PM.. |
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LonesomeTonight
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Aug 2017
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#9
To answer the other piece. Very friend like it messes with my head and causes me alot of emotions but im also addicted so i keep doing it
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LonesomeTonight
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LonesomeTonight
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Veteran Member
Member Since Jan 2009
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#10
It depends. I would say not too often. We hardly ever start off the session with nothing more than the basic ‘how are you’ . After that it’s up to me to start. Occasionally ‘real’ life comes in to play and she is fairly forthcoming. But for the
Most part I would stick with not too often. __________________ wheeler |
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LonesomeTonight
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since May 2017
Location: USA
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#11
Usually about 10 minutes of chat. Sometimes more, sometimes less.
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LonesomeTonight
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Elder
Member Since Oct 2008
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#12
Quote:
my T is pretty forthcoming with self-disclosure, but she also never talks about her children very much, but that also is probably because i am not a parent. maybe it would be different if i was. |
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LonesomeTonight
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Magnate
Member Since May 2017
Location: Earth
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#13
We don't really engage in small talk at all (the weather, etc) because I hate it. Very occasionally at the beginning of session she or I might follow up on something fairly inconsequential from earlier (how did X event go?), although usually we jump right into whatever I want to talk about.
But sometimes in the middle of session I get distracted by exploring some idea or by wanting to know what my T thinks about something somewhat tangential to what I'm talking about. That could go on indefinitely, so usually one of us brings it back to the topic at hand. I find those conversations interesting and emotionally satisfying, so I don't think they're a problem. I have never really worried about things being too friend-like. Not sure why. I guess the fairly clear boundaries help. Plus I'm much more interested in getting good therapy stuff from my T rather than friends-type connection because I can get that from other places. Therapy time is already so limited! |
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LonesomeTonight
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#14
At this point in my therapy I do more chatting than what others would call therapy. I believe chatting is therapy. I get to practice everyday conversation learning how to not sensor my speech because of fear, embarrassment or shame. It has helped everyday relationships.
When I was doing attachment type therapy we would go for an hour or more discussing heavy stuff and I would be battle wounded. My therapist let me know that it was okay to not use all the session excising the roots. She could hold me, we could chit chat, she could read to me, or I could leave if I wanted. I never used the option to leave early. |
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AnnaBegins, LonesomeTonight
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Run of the Mill Snowflake
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#15
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LonesomeTonight
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running with scissors
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#16
my T would just say something like "so are we going to do the small talk thing now ?"
__________________ BEHAVIORS ARE EASY WORDS ARE NOT Dx, HUMAN Rx, no medication for that |
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LonesomeTonight
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Wise Elder
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#17
We almost never chitchat. Maybe a little walking to her office, but that's it.
__________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
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LonesomeTonight
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
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#18
We do some. I mean, i live in the world. So maybe as stuff relates to or impinges on me? Like today the test emergency sirens went off at the beginning of session. So there were tillerson and hawaii comments.
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LonesomeTonight
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2014
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#19
We usually do a little at the beginning and end of each session. Primarily it helps me to get connected and settled down so we can get started. At the end it helps me go get emotions under control and me out of therapy mode.
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LonesomeTonight
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Magnate
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#20
Usually at the end, it helps me come back to the present so just last 2 mins will be a little bit of nothing, other than hardly at all really.
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LonesomeTonight
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