Survivors of Unethical Therapy

Well here’s my story and maybe you more experienced people can tell me if this was abuse. It’s taken me like three years to come to terms with it and I apologize for the length.

I started therapy when I was 23 with a man I’ll call J. He was older than me but I think in his thirties. He had gone to business school and changed career paths and had a masters in psychology with all the fancy letters after his name. He was really nice and gentle and we clicked. I followed him from practice to practice as he furthered his career. He saw me through two more children, deaths and dealing with childhood trauma and bipolar. He was what I needed. A gentle man to help me learn to get comfortable with men again ( other than hubby). He ended up in private practice. I think I saw him for a total of 16 years ! When I couldn’t afford it he made arrangements. Honestly we were almost friends. He was an alcoholic in recovery(aa) and was a certified addictions counselor. I didn’t develop my alcoholism until my late 30’s and it sort of snuck up on me but I always had an addictive personality (hence I still smoke). He always recommended AA and I always had reasons why it wasn’t for me.

Then I hit bottom and called him and he brought me to my first AA meeting- shaking with withdrawal and emotionally wrecked. I haven’t drank since and that was almost 7 years ago.

In AA you have sponsors. Women go with women but he sort of was sponsorish even though he knew better. As his practice branched out he started corporate and public seminars for different things and was always pushing me to go to them. I couldn’t afford it, didn’t like it but felt obligated due to his good will.

One day my sponsor called me up to tell me that he went up to her at a meeting and said “how’s our Sarah doing ?”
My sponsor froze. Not only is it not his business to ask my sponsor, he outed himself as my therapist. At first I couldn’t see the wrong. I immediately defended him. But I thought about it and it was an ethical violation as far as therapy and AA goes. I’m then I thought about my therapy. Once I was sober it was basically friendly chatting sessions and I had long done all the work I could do. So he was collecting my copay and we were shooting the S*** for an hour. Everything was so subtle. And I got mad finally. I was betrayed by him. In my most vunerable area of life-my sobriety and the anonymous aspect of it. Of both things really. Then I thought of all the intimate things he knew. My abuse; my sex life-everything. If he was so caviler that way then with what else?
I knew I needed to terminate but due to my issues was so scared to confront him. I caught him outside of a meeting and my sponsor stood by me and very calmly I told him that I didn’t need therapy anymore and I was uncomfortable with the disclosure and seminar pushiness. He tried to flip the script but my sponsor stepped in and helped redirect.
For months I was so guilty. I stopped going to nearly all the day meetings and only went at night to avoid him. I was terrified of seeing him. On a couple of occasions I saw him at the same meeting and avoided his gaze.

Was this subversive abuse ? Did I overreact? I feel like he should have known all those years of hanging out in session, the hugs goodbye and hugs hello at meetings were inappropriate. I was confused and still am. It’s been about 3 years since the terminaton and I still haven’t made peace. What do you all think?

I think he didn't know what he was doing. I think he maybe got over enmeshed with you in some way? Didn't see you as distinct from him and recognize/respect you as a separate individual in some sense ("our Sarah")? His own issues, came out of the woodwork even with his own therapy and own AA. Sucks. Sounds like he liked you, cared about you in some senses, but still. . .

It's great that you went to AA and got a good sponsor. Good for her for recognizing the problem, good for you for being able to recognize the problem, too.

But, in my case, and many cases the T ‘suggesting sex’ or ‘initiating a sexual relationship’ doesn’t start that blatantly. It isn’t suggested (at least, for me) in the first five sessions...it’s a gradual process of T building support and trust with the client. If Pdoc, in my case, had suggested we become intimate early on in the relationship I like to think I would have immediately rejected the idea...that I would have run out and not gone back. Of course.

But it doesn’t happen like that.

When it finally became a topic in session, it was after much grooming. He would ask me (for instance) to relate any sexual fantasies I had of him. I hadn’t really had any fantasies of sex with him but I didn’t want to disappoint him so I made some up. He’d call late at night just to check up on me. I thought that was sweet. He’d arrange for me to see him last appointment of the day to ‘spend more time with me.’ I thought he really wanted to help me. He talked to me like I was his equal. I have many more examples. He didn’t just blurt out...’let’s be intimate.’ Finally, months and months later, he suggested sex with him would be therapeutic. I thought, maybe, this was just how things were done in California...and by then, I had caring feelings for him.....

I had no idea sex with a Pdoc was not only unethical, that it was also a felony in that state. If he knew it, he didn’t say. All he would say was to keep it a secret because it could be ‘frowned upon.’ If I knew it was unethical plus a FELONY, I hope I would have had a clue. But me, I was as clueless as they come.

In California, it’s a law if a client tells a therapist about maybe, sorta having sex with another T or Pdoc, that therapist is supposed to hand the client a pamphlet called, I think, ‘Therapy Never Includes Sex.’

I don’t think hugs are inappropriate per se or that he deliberately abused you.

He sounds very unprofessional though. Outing you, talking to people in AA about you, pushing his pricey seminars on you (knowing you are on disability) and in fact going to same AA meetings with you and actually bringing you to one instead of just recommending (unless of course you live in a wilderness and there is no other meeting anywhere). Doesn’t sound like a professional to me.

Hmmm “Our Sarah”... you aren’t a child.

Glad you found help you needed and not seeing him anymore

Simple answer from me-total betrayal of trust. If you are like me , you will discover more and more things that he has done which were unethical .

Sarah - I personally would not consider that abuse but people's perception of what abuse is can vary quite a bit. What is important is how you feel about it. I also had an alcohol problem and I would have endured much more to find something that helps remain sober it permanently - it is an extremely serious problem and nothing I have ever experienced comes even close to it in terms of destructiveness and difficulty in resolving it. I see what he did as breach of confidentiality, which is unethical from a T; I know it would make me mad as well and I would definitely voice it. As for the hugs and chatting - I think many people do that in therapy. If it helped you maintain your wellbeing, I don't see anything wrong with it. It is unfortunate though if now his presence makes you uncomfortable in AA and you need to do things to avoid him. If it was me, I would probably go to a different AA group but would prefer to be free in the program that has provided such important help, I personally would put that before anything else.

I know of Ts who offer doing 12-step work with their clients (so, virtually being their sponsor even if they are not an ex-addict per se) and I would think that's fine if the client finds it helpful, but breaking confidentiality is not. Pushing you to go to his seminars is also quite inappropriate IMO. If it was your choice, fine with me (I also went to some of my Ts training classes), but not the pushing. Sounds like the T had some issues with power and felt kinda omnipotent relative to you - he definitely has issues himself.

Hi everyone,

Someone passed this information off to me.

In Canada, medical professionals fall under licensing boards which are meant to hold them accountable to their professional and ethical standards. These are called Colleges.

In particular, the Alberta College of Psychologists is one of these licensing bodies. When a psychologist is guilty of abusing a client, there is a way to file complaints through the college. Their job is to investigate any claims made against professionals and investigate accordingly.

Recently a former President of the Alberta College of Psychologists posted a review on google reviews about the multifaceted failures within the Colleges.

Here is what he said.

"As a past president of the College of Alberta Psychologists, I believe that I am in a fairly good position to evaluate its effectiveness -- in addition, I am commenting from the vantage point of an academic and professional health care provider for over 40 years without ever having received a professional complaint regarding my own performance.

CAP is, undoubtedly, the most ineffective and problematic professional organization that I have ever encountered. They have a well developed bureaucracy, but have done little to advance the profession of psychology and even less to protect the public from those psychologists who are either incompetent or malfarious.

It saddens me to have to make this assessment public, but I have done so with the hope that CAP can rectify its obvious pattern of malfeasance, and start doing what it is intended to do (i.e., guide the professional practise of psychology in an effort to improve patient care)."

Here is a link: (look under the reviews tab and might need to view on a mobile device)

College Of Alberta Psychologists - Google Search

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

Apparently 9 out of 10 survivors of abuse in therapy never file complaints. I wonder why. Anyone got any suggestions?

Probably they know they won't get any justice and will just be besmirched and discredited , blamed and shamed. And they've probably had enough of that already , sadly.

Sending hearts and hugs to everyone of you!

Adding here-
There are emotional, physical and logistic reasons a survivor may not report therapist exploitation. The process to bring a complaint is not straight-forward. Bringing a complaint is lengthy, involved, time-consuming, tricky and burdensome.

Repeating the details, alone, can be daunting. You must tell your story over and over to multiple people...some ‘friendly’, some not. Then you must write your story in your complaint, face questions from professionals on your side as well as the other side.

You must present evidence, if you have any- phone records, texts, bank accounts, photo/videos, prescription bottles, letters, emails, clothing, etc.

In my case long-distance travel was also required.
There were expenditures of fuel, hotels, postage, etc.

The stress of the complaint potentiated the difficulties of recovering from the trauma- coupled by the issues that brought the survivor to therapy in the first place. The complaint actually interrupted my own recovery— As I was dealing with the trauma, new facts would emerge from the complaint requiring my immediate attention, which shifted or shut down recovery work.

There were several MH inpatient stays to keep me safe.

The survivor has no guarantee they will be believed or treated with dignity and respect...even by your own team.

The survivor has no guarantee you will prevail.

The survivor must consider their own private intimate details may be made public.

The survivor must consider the other side will use every trick in the book to thwart completion of the complaint including deliberately dragging out the process hoping to wear out the survivor.

Tricks used in my case-

The other side bald-faced lied trying to defame my character and credibility. The defendant is supposed to tell the truth, but his lawyers can lie all they want. The other side’s lawyers are not under oath. They can say the survivor is a prostitute..or anything...to impinge on the survivor’s character. The lawyers will boldly lie....and laugh about it. Other side’s Lawyer: ‘Oops, judge, my mistake. I guess the survivor might not be a prostitute or a street-person..or a drug addict....’

In regard to my civil case, the other side deliberately filed bankruptcy in his name incorrectly. The judge was required to throw the bankruptcy out. The other side refiled the bankruptcy- incorrectly, again, several times. What this does I was told, bankruptcy stops ‘discovery’..we were not able to pursue answers that we needed to carry the case forward until the judge caught on to what the other side was doing. This tactic may also be true for licensing board cases, I don’t know.

The survivor must remember they may be required to take considerable time away from work and the comfort of family. You may not be emotionally available for them.

At another point, in my case, the other side lied saying I had ‘seizures’ and had my driver’s license stripped away. I went through extensive testing that I paid for to prove I do *not* have seizures so I was ultimately able to have my license reinstated. During the time my license was suspended I was unable to keep appointments with my ethical therapist, interview lawyers, or to drive anywhere.

Some survivors may be too ill to participate.
Some survivors may decide to just try to get on with their lives.

After all that, you still may not prevail with your complaint. The educated therapist may seem more credible than a mental health client.

I doubt one can prepare for all eventualities..but anything can happen.
There is a lot to consider.

According to this website (And I plan to fact check them later) it states:
Interesting. I wonder why therapy is still considered and marketed as a safe place despite these findings. Why doesn't the media cover this more? I certainly didn't hear about this prior to being abused in therapy.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

Thank you for sharing this Precaryous! I will respond to it asap!

Have a goodnight,
HD7970ghz

Toronto psychoanalyst who abused two patients under guise of conversion therapy denounced as a sexual predator | National Post

Doctor’s licence revoked after she admits to having sex with cancer patient she had diagnosed | National Post

Ottawa doctor who sexually abused patients barred from seeing female clients alone: College | National Post

My T uses her laptop while we are in session. I asked her once what she was doing on it and she said clicking through files because she has ADHD and it helps her focus. Is this an ok thing to be doing? This whole practice is getting kinda wonky I think. Yet it’s supposedly one of the best in the surrounding states so maybe it’s just me.

That would bother me a lot if my T was randomly clicking through files while we were talking. Have you told her how you felt about it?

I asked her if she was playing some type of game like solitaire and she said that would be unethical and possibly illegal. That’s when she told me about the files. I haven’t mentioned it yet that it’s kind of being rude. Last week the week after I asked her she seemed more attentive then she usually does. So maybe me commenting on it made her be a little more focused on our session

I wonder if she looks at her computer because I don’t make eye contact very often.

PATIENT ABUSE | UHS Behind Closed Doors


This is an interesting website. LOTS of links to real court cases, complaints, abuses, etc.


Thanks,
HD7970ghz

Why Medical Schools Are Tolerant of Unethical Behavior

Very interesting journal article about unethical behavior experienced by medical students, as well as insights into why professionals fail to acknowledge and or speak up about it.

Here is an AMAZING quote from the link above.



This sure sounds like what we've been talking about, doesn't it?

Since 2015... I fired about 10 therapist. List of crap I went through: I had therapist sleep during session, call other clients while in therapy, one of them hug me, another one told me to get into all the details about my childhood sexual abuse (male therapist) cheating the time, talking about them all the time, one telling me to snap out of it, don't know what to discuss, don't remember me, and the lateness I can't tolerate. Don't play with me!